Chapter 7
Saint
Lake is finally…finally, talking about what happened, but she’s still hesitant to reveal the names I need so I can hunt down these dead men walking.
When we first learned that something happened, Holden, Nolan, Damien, and I compiled a list of every male on the property—campers, organizers, counselors, maintenance staff.
Everyone. The problem was that we couldn’t narrow down who hurt her because nobody stood out.
The only missing pieces now are the specific names.
And until Lake is ready to share them, I’m helpless to slay her demons.
Searching her eyes as she tries to come to terms with what will happen to them, it’s apparent that she’s done talking for now. I let go of her face and slide my hands along her arms, rubbing up and down to warm her up.
“Another time, sweet haven, when you’re ready.” Which may never be. A fact I’ll have to live with.
“Will it ever stop?” The quiet vulnerability in her tone causes me to breathe deeply to control my anger so she doesn’t think it’s aimed at her.
“I wish I had the answer you deserve, Lake.” Her head lifts slightly in understanding. She knows I can’t possibly tell her what she wants to hear. The healing and learning to cope is on her; I can only help where she asks me to.
“I think I’ll go lie down.” Frustration eats at me as I hear her defeat, and allowing Lake to go inside is difficult. It’s only a matter of time before she gives up completely.
Death wraps around her like a cloak, and I have a startling moment of clarity, wondering if that’s not why she came here without telling anyone. Is this where she intended to die? Did I interrupt her plans?
Fuck.
The signs have been there for years, especially for me. Being so coated in death, she’s begged me for years to end her suffering. I’ve always said no; I would never be the reason for her departing this earth. Not when I need her so much. It’s unfathomable living in a world without Lake.
Discovering a reason for her to gain the will to live will be tough, but I’m damn determined to make it happen. And if I’m not part of that reason, I’ll learn to live with that suffering.
With the sun bright in the sky, I decide to take a stroll around the property in an effort to calm my racing pulse.
Snatching my coat off the post it’s hung on, I head out around the side of the cabin, spotting rabbit prints in the fresh snow, followed by leaping deer near the tree line, where it’s obvious they were feeding from them.
Lake would love to watch the wildlife out here. She’s a down-to-earth kind of woman, and I know she’d find a sense of peace witnessing the best Mother Nature has to offer.
Marching through the deep snow cover and finding a hot tub on an attached porch at the back of the cabin is mildly surprising. I tromp up the steps and grab the cover to pull it back, revealing the warm water, and an idea hits.
Entering the cabin, I find Lake lying on the couch, the fireplace glowing, her eyes closed, and she’s wrapped up in a thick blanket. Quietly, I move around, locate the back door, and ensure everything we’ll need for later is set on the bench inside.
In the kitchen, I gather ingredients for a chicken noodle soup my mother has made for years. She taught me to cook as a boy, and the lessons have remained.
Once everything is in the crock pot on an all-day simmer, I send a quick message with an image of Lake resting, assuring Luther and Ariel that she’s fine and taking the time she needs.
There are so many things I want to tell them about her, things they should know, but I refuse to break Lake’s trust that way.
Keeping it short and to the point is the easiest way to keep them out of our hair until their daughter is ready to loop more people into her turmoil.
While the soup cooks, I begin lunch. Lake loves everything cheese and garlic, so I opt for a simple baked garlic cheese loaf with a side of green and red grapes, with ranch dressing for bread dipping. I also pour some milk into a pot to simmer on the stove for hot chocolate.
Once the food is nearly ready, I move to the couch, hating to disturb my sleeping princess when she looks so peaceful, but she needs to eat. Especially if I intend to take her to the stables in town to buy some deer feed for the evening we spend time in the hot tub.
“Lake, time to wake up.” I brush the hair off her forehead, rubbing the silky, soft strands between my fingers as she gradually comes around.
“Something smells good.” Her eyes open as she mumbles the words.
“You’re beautiful,” I whisper, leaning forward and pressing my lips gently to hers. For once, she shows no fear. Her gaze is crystal clear and focused on the moment.
She’s the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen, and I need her to know that, so this time, I push for more. Licking across her lips until she opens for me, allowing me entrance into her mouth. Her sweet flavor explodes on my tongue, like crisp cherries ripe from the vine, begging me to taste my fill.
Circling my hands around her back, I lift her body into my lap and hold her close, doing my damnedest not to go too far. Lake’s fingers grip the front of my shirt, capturing my chest hairs and tugging sharply, keeping me from getting too lost in her sweetness.
“Saint.” The faint whisper caresses my skin like a gentle summer breeze.
“I like doing that.” I can hear the “but” in her tone, so I remain silent while nuzzling against her throat with my face.
Leaving beard marks, so she knows I’ve been here.
“I want to forget, to find a new memory where old ones are horrifically painful.”
“Let me help you,” I murmur against her ear. She shivers as I leave a kiss, then lick across her delicate flesh.
“I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” Her tentative words pull me back from tasting her further. “But maybe we can do this more….”
I grin like a psycho because I had hoped she would ask for more.
“We can do anything you want at whatever pace you need.” That will never change. She will always be the one in charge of us. “Come and eat, then we’re heading to the stables and into town quickly.”
“For what?” Lake stands, allowing me to guide her to the kitchen, where our food awaits to be served after cooling down. The pleasure in her eyes is enough to harden my dick, knowing I elicit that kind of reaction from her.
“It’s a bit of a surprise for later,” I reply, handing her a plate. She’s quick to take a bite, confirming my suspicions that she hasn’t been eating correctly for a long time. It’s one of the many things that have worried not only me but also her family.
The demons Lake faces are relentless. Especially the inner battles waged between her mind and body.
I once glimpsed inside one of her diaries, and ever since, I find it hard to let her out of my sight.
My obsession isn’t simply with her becoming mine.
It’s much deeper, growing like a weeping willow each passing day as I wait for news that she has taken her life.
My hope for this winter retreat is that it will ignite an ember that grows into a powerful fire filled with warmth and a sense of peace.
“This is really good, Saint, thank you.” Her eyes water, confusing me.
“Why are you teary-eyed?”
She waves her hand like she can wash them away.
“Only Mom takes care of me like this.” She pauses and closes her eyes.
“You know Dad stopped her from jumping off a cliff when they met? She was mid-air, and he snagged her around the waist.” Our eyes meet, and the ever-present longing for death is lessened for now.
“He promised to end her suffering if only she would stay alive long enough to help find and destroy his enemy.”
“When the time came, he never could do it,” I finish, having heard the stories many times of how all our parents met.
“You do the same for me, Saint.” Suppressing my irritation, I take a bite of my food to avoid responding sharply, though she still perceives my discontent. “You make living a little more bearable than dying.”
That hits me in the chest like a bomb, and my heart ceases beating at the realization that I’m her anchor to this world.
I’m the reason she hasn’t followed through with her desire to die, and while that might be too much for another man to bear, I know I’ll cherish being the reason her heart continues to beat.