Chapter 55
Delilah
I’m in one of the Kent hospitals. Again.
If they have frequent flyer miles or some shit, I need to sign up.
I close my eyes. The events from the catacombs replay in my mind, the images and sensations as fresh as if they just happened. My utter despair at the thought of Xavier dying. The anger that catapulted me forward to kill his father.
I took Edward’s life. No matter how justified it was, the reality is harsh and unyielding. Death is permanent.
But so is my love for Xavier.
I’d do anything for him, including giving him the one thing I thought I could never part with—my heart. Okay, well, technically, he gave me my heart. But Xavier’s the first and only man that I’m in love with.
He has faced darkness for us, and now, I’ve done the same. Whatever stains he has on his soul, I have them, too. And if protecting him means stepping into the shadows, the areas of morally gray, then that’s where I’m meant to be.
A knock on the door snatches me from my internal musings. Raven and June walk into my room, their gazes widening when they land on me. I must look like shit.
“Oh, God.” June rushes to my side. “Are you okay? You look terrible.”
Confirmation. “Thanks.”
“She’s not wrong,” Raven says with a wink.
I smile back. “Rude.”
June’s eyes fill with concern as she takes my hand. “Declan told me a little bit about what happened.” She glances at Raven, giving me a pointed look, indicating our need for secrecy. “I can’t believe Xavier’s father tried to get Xavier to break up with you.”
“What I can’t believe is that he had a stroke and died like that.” Raven snaps her fingers. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you voodooed his ass.”
I shake my head. “That was some old-fashioned divine intervention.”
“Good riddance.”
“You have no idea,” I say.
“How are you feeling?” June gives my hand a squeeze before releasing me to sit in a nearby chair. “What did the doctor say?”
I lift my index finger. “I’m not allowed to leave this room.” I lift another. “I’m not allowed to leave this floor.” I lift a third finger. “I’m not allowed to leave this hospital. I don’t know him personally, but the surgeon is still upset with me for leaving with Declan to find Xavier.”
“Where is X?” Raven asks. “I thought he’d be here with you.”
June and I share a look that speaks volumes. The Order is unpredictable, and Xavier and Benjamin’s safety isn’t a guarantee.
“He had to go take care of something,” I say. “He’ll be back later.”
“Well, it sucks he’s not here, but I’m glad we get some time alone with you.” Raven winks and plops down onto the empty chair beside June. “You can tell us everything.”
“There’s not much to tell,” I say. “I woke up and was told the surgery was a success. After that, I was brought here and have been sleeping on and off.”
Raven nods. “Dude, I still can’t believe you needed a heart transplant. Ever since you hooked up with X, your life has been a series of unfortunate events.”
I roll my eyes. “It was a preexisting medical condition that was undiagnosed.”
“I mean, it’s not your fault,” she says quickly. “It’s just like a comedy, only instead of laughs, there’s medical issues.”
“Well, let’s not talk about it,” June interjects. “Will you be healed by the time school starts up again in January?”
“I hope so.”
“What the hell am I supposed to do without you two around?” Raven asks. “You’ll be here or in X’s room, and June will be with Declan. Worst winter break ever.”
I shrug. “Do the same thing you did when I had the flu for two weeks. I’m sure that involved a lot of coffee drinking, shit-talking, and discussions about dick.”
Raven grins. “You’re not wrong.”
The atmosphere shifts, an intense energy pervading the space. I know it’s Xavier before I turn my head. A deep and profound sense of relief hits me, and my eyes sting with tears at his appearance.
Thank fuck he’s alive.
“Speaking of dick,” Raven singsongs.
“Hey, little raptor,” he says, his expression guarded. “Raven. June.”
I smile at him, unsure about his mood. “Hey.”
“She’s not a dinosaur. Unless it’s a sex-a-saurus.” Raven jumps to her feet. “Come on, Juniper. Let’s find some lunch.” She looks at me. “I’ll come visit you later, roomie. Get some rest.”
June rises, her gaze flitting between me and Xavier. “I’ll text you later.”
The two of them rush past Xavier, who steps aside to allow them to exit. His eyes never leave me. I hold his gaze, my skin prickling with apprehension.
“I’m glad you’re not dead,” I say. My attempt to lighten the mood falls flat when he frowns. “What’s wrong? What did the Order say?”
Xavier waves a hand in dismissal before he walks up to my bed, his gaze sweeping over me. When his eyes lock onto the IV stuck in my arm, his jaw clenches.
“Fuck,” he mutters.
I reach for him, taking his hand. He threads his fingers through mine. “It’s okay.” I soften my voice to soothe him but keep it firm to be reassuring. “I’m fine.”
“It’s not fine,” he snaps. “Nothing about this is fucking fine. You could’ve died. So many times.”
“But I didn’t.”
He lifts my hand and kisses it, his expression filled with both tenderness and torment. “I could’ve lost you.”
“Loss is a part of life,” I say. “But so is love. I had to protect you because what we have is all I’ve ever wanted.”
“All I ever wanted was you.” He shakes his head. “But not like this. Promise me you’ll never put yourself at risk for me.”
His grip tightens, the anguish in his tone evident. It’s the same desperation and fear I saw on his face when I raced toward him in the vault, uncaring if I died.
“I can’t promise that,” I say. “It’s not a choice I’m willing to make.”
He glowers at me. “Now is not the time to fuck with me by throwing my words in my face, Delilah. I’ve come so close to losing you that it’s ruined me. My head isn’t right.”
I sigh. “I promise that I won’t take any unnecessary chances with my safety. Okay?”
Xavier is silent for several seconds before nodding. He presses another kiss to my hand. “I love you. So fucking much.”
“I love you, too.” My smile fades as I recall the reason for his absence. “What happened with the Order?”
He sits next to me on the bed, his gaze averted. “I know you’re going to try to do something about it, and there’s nothing to be done.”
“What did they say?” I suck in a breath as a thought occurs to me. “Are they giving me to another crow?”
Xavier makes a soothing noise. “It’s nothing like that. You know I’d kill someone before I let that happen.”
“Then what is it?”
“The Order has taken the Donovan empire and given it to my cousin.” He shrugs. “That’s fine with me.”
I squint up at him in disbelief. “Are you sure you’re okay with it?”
“I have more important things to take care of. Like marrying you, for starters,” he says with a playful grin. “And sex. Lots of fucking once you’re better.”
“Don’t tease me right now. What else did the Order say?”
“That’s the gist of it.”
Pressing my lips together, I search his face, looking for clues in his expression. In the tight set of his jaw. The too-casual shrug of his shoulders. The way he tried to distract me with jokes.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask, fear clogging my throat.
After a moment of silence, he exhales sharply. “The council said that I can inherit my family’s empire if I get married.”
“And?”
“And produce a male heir within the next five years to ensure the Donovan line.”
When he doesn’t continue, my stomach churns with nerves. “And?”
He looks at me, and his gray eyes flash with defiance. “And my wife has to be approved by the Order.”
A sense of defeat wraps around me, sapping my energy. My head falls back against the pillow, and I stare up at the ceiling as my mind races with the implications of that edict.
“‘A bride will never be a crow’s wife,’” I whisper, my voice breaking.
Xavier shifts, reaching out to grab my chin and angle it so I’m looking at him. “I don’t care what the Order wants,” he says firmly, the steel in his voice matching the determination in his eyes. “I will marry you.”
“But . . .” My voice trails off, the gravity of his words sinking in. “Marrying me is a risk. I don’t mean that only in the financial sense.”
“I’ve chosen you,” he says, tightening his grip on my chin. “I will always choose you over anyone, or anything, else. The Order. My empire. My life. None of that shit matters if I can’t have you.”
I take his hand and remove it from my face, resting it just above my heart. It beats steadily for him. Because of him.
“And what about the Donovan line?”
“I really doubt that’ll be a problem.” Xavier smiles, a wry, slightly amused curve of his lips. “I’m ready to start now, but I want you to get your degree first. I know how important that is to you. After that . . . we’ll have our own personal Bride Hunt.”
“Are you proposing to me?”
“I’m not asking.”
I roll my eyes. “Xavier Donovan, if you want to marry me, you will ask me. For once in your life.”
“That would imply that you have a choice, and you don’t. Not when it comes to us. I love you too much to let you go.”