Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
JASON
“I wish I knew how to help her.” Cuddling next to Ari, Anna was waiting for me when I returned to the first floor. She held the pacifier to Elias’s mouth as she cradled him.
We were lucky Anna dropped everything for us. We’d explained what happened with Cora, and Anna and Ari had taken Elias to the courthouse for his visitation with Colter.
Cora cried most of the day. She’d ranged from angry to blaming herself for her sister’s death.
There were no words I could have uttered that would have helped, so I held her. That’s all I did aside from offering tissue to dry her eyes or wipe her nose.
Eventually, she’d cried herself to sleep.
I took a seat on the chair across from my sister and slouched down. “I know, but we can’t. She’s hurting, and all of her feelings are valid. If we try to minimize them, it’ll only hurt her more.”
“Wow. My big brother is breaking out the psychology.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s a fact. We can’t change that she had a fight with her sister or that she lost her sister. We just have to let her cry. Knowing we’re here is good. When she’s ready to talk or whatever, we’ll be here.”
“You should just tell her you love her.” She smiled.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Please, just stop.”
“Babe, would you take him for a bit while I talk to Jason?”
Ari nodded. “Yeah.” He smiled and motioned for her to give him the baby. His face lit up as Anna set Elias in his arms. “Come on, little man, let’s find some mischief.”
Once we were alone, my sister moved to the edge of the couch. “I love you both, and you belong together. She loves you just as much as you love her. I don’t understand why you don’t just sit down and talk.”
“Anna, Cora is in the middle of a life-altering situation. She needs time to adjust. Her emotions are raw right now. She just lost her sister. Gaining custody of a baby isn’t a small thing. I’m not going to add anything to her plate.”
She groaned. “Did you ever think that maybe it would lighten the load if she knew she had someone who was going to be there for her and help her? Someone long term?”
“Or make it worse since I nearly got her killed. Think about it. I can’t risk their lives again.”
“What makes you think you’d be risking their lives? Michael is gone.”
But our family business wasn’t. “I’m still the head of this family. I have enemies. I’m a danger to her.”
She stood, an eyebrow arching. “Everyone has enemies. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a family. Doesn’t mean you can’t find love. You were ambushed.”
I came out of the chair, my voice a little sharper than I expected. “As if others won’t do the same thing?” I rubbed my face with my hands. “I’m done talking about this. I can’t…”
She crossed the space and hugged me around the waist. “You are kind and loving, sweet and protective. You are the perfect man for her. You love her and Elias.” She leaned back, her hands still at my waist. “That little boy is going to need a father, and you would be amazing.”
My eyes closed as I shook my head.
Her hands left my waist, and she took my face in her hands. “Look at me.”
I opened my eyes.
Her face was serene, and a smile curved on her lips. “Stop finding all the reasons you can’t love her and find the reasons you can. Do you really want another man loving her and Elias? Would he protect them better than you?”
My fingers curled into fists at the thought. Someone else loving her? Touching her? My teeth ground together. My baby in some other man’s arms? Elias was mine just as much as his mother was.
She chuckled. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Her hands dropped to her sides, and she stepped back. “All I’m asking is that you stop fighting it so hard and just see where things go.”
I hung my head. Anna was wrong. This thing with Cora was going nowhere. We would marry, prove that she had a stable home, and then quietly divorce so she could get on with her life.
“Fine.” Arguing was getting me nowhere. Eventually, she’d see that I was right. “We’ll see where things go.”
Her face lit up. “Good.”
Ari returned with Elias sans pacifier. “Everything okay?”
She beamed. “Everything’s great.”
I crossed the room and held out my hands. “Why don’t I take him, and you go out on a date with her?”
Ari grinned. “I’m not arguing with that,” he said as he gave me Elias.
“He just wants me out of his hair.” She huffed.
“That’s only partially true.” I winked.
She wrinkled her nose at me. “I’ll go freshen up and we’ll go.”
Ari nodded. “I’ll be right here waiting.”
She’d barely hit the top of the stairs when Ari turned to me. “She’s right, you know.”
I groaned, walked to the couch, and sat. “Not you too.”
“I’m a killer.”
There were rumors about a warehouse and a massacre. “I know.”
He shook his head. “No, you don’t. She does, though. All the gritty details, and she still chooses to love me. Give Cora the opportunity to choose. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Given the chance, I think she’ll pick you.”
“If I care about her, I won’t let her pick me.”
“If you care about her that’s exactly what you’ll do.
Your wife, your partner, is supposed to walk next to you.
Not behind you. Stop trying to dictate your will and let her have a mind of her own.
” He chuckled. “I watched Cora. That woman has courage and strength, and you’re discounting that when you tell her she can’t choose. Stop trying to be her boss.”
“I am her boss.”
Ari narrowed his eyes. “You’ve asked her to marry you, and you’re holding her baby. You stopped being her boss a long time ago.”
I looked down at Elias. “They deserve better.”
“Of course they do. Anna deserves better than me, but for some reason, the universe had mercy and allowed me to be loved by her. I’m not wasting that by beating myself up. I’m taking the gift and being thankful for it.”
Footsteps sounded on the stairs. “I’m ready.” Anna sang.
Ari turned and whistled. “Look at that sexy woman.”
I grimaced. “Okay, please go now.”
Once I was alone with Elias, I maneuvered until I was lying down with him between me and the back of the couch.
He kicked out, and his hand caught my shirt, pulling on it.
I smoothed a hand over his hair. “I hope to hear back from the pediatrician soon. I’m a little tired of taking baths every time you have a dirty diaper.”
He grunted and gurgled.
“Oh, you have something to say on the matter?”
Another round of gurgles.
“I kinda like this. Two dudes hanging out on the couch.”
I loved it. I loved him. It had happened so quickly, too. One minute I was just helping Cora, and the next, he’d captured my heart.
My thoughts ran wild. I could see him calling me dad. Playing catch with him. Not that I really knew how to play, but we could learn together. Maybe he’d like jogging or when I was cleared to lift weights again, maybe he’d like that when he was older.
If nothing else, I had a prime example of what not to be as a dad. If I aimed for being the polar opposite, perhaps I’d be worth of the “dad” title.
Anna was wrong. I really didn’t deserve Elias or Cora, but I had more motivation to be deserving than anyone else. I wasn’t sure what that meant yet. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to try.
All I knew was I wanted Elias and Cora. I just…
How did I reconcile what I wanted with what I knew was better for them?
Could I reconcile it, live with it, accept it? If… she would even want me. Or want me to play a role in Elias’s life.
What if… all of this was just hope waiting to die at the hands of reality?