Lila
Hampton, Virginia
We’re walking along the familiar trail by the park, the sun hanging low in the sky, casting a warm glow over the path.
The sound of Hadley’s little feet kicking in her stroller adds a rhythmic beat to the conversation.
The three of us have walked this six-mile loop countless times.
Ivy and Alinna are chatting beside me, but my mind keeps drifting back to the conversation I had with Logan yesterday.
It feels like such a relief, honestly. I was terrified to tell him about Lincoln, but he didn’t flinch.
He didn’t walk away. He didn’t get angry, even though I know I’ve kept a part of me from him.
“I still can’t believe you told him about Lincoln,” Alinna says, breaking my reverie and making me wonder if I spoke out loud. “I thought you were going to keep that buried forever.”
I let out a small sigh, glancing at the ground as my sneakers crunch against the gravel.
“I almost did. I wanted to. But I couldn’t keep it in once I heard about his impending deployment.
” I’m still a little upset that he didn't tell me about it, but I can see it from his side. I glance down at Hadley, her blue eyes wide and curious as she watches the world around her. Her laugh is a soft melody that fills the space between us. Ivy regrips the stroller’s leather handle.
Alinna nods slowly, her eyes thoughtful. “And he didn’t freak out or anything?”
I smile, feeling a warmth spread in my chest. “No. He listened. He didn’t run. And it’s not like I thought he would, but I don’t know, it still felt huge, telling him.”
As we continue walking, Ivy smiles at me, but there’s a little strain behind her expression as she pushes the stroller.
“Good for you, Lila. Honestly. It’s a huge step.
I’m proud of you.” I don’t miss the way her tone shifts, and it makes me pause for a second, my brow furrowing in curiosity.
But before I can ask, she adds, “So, Alinna…when do you leave for Syria again?”
Alinna sighs, brushing back a strand of glossy dark hair that fell from her loose French braid. “Two weeks. I know, it’s fast. I’m just waiting for a couple final logistics, but I’ll only be gone three months this time.”
I can hear the unspoken tension in her words, the pull of responsibility mixed with the uncertainty that comes with working in a conflict zone. I’ve seen it in her before, in the quiet moments when she doesn’t speak as much, but it’s always followed by her resolve.
“That’s really soon,” Ivy says, her voice low. “Are you okay with it?”
Alinna pauses, taking a deep breath before answering. “I’m always okay with it. But it doesn’t make it any easier.” She glances at me, offering a brief smile. “You know how it is. I can’t stay away from it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss you guys.”
I smile, reaching out to lightly touch her arm. “We’ll be here when you get back. You know that.”
Ivy doesn’t say much more, but I can see the way her eyes soften when she looks at Alinna. There’s a bond between us that goes beyond words, the kind you only get from long years of friendship.
The quiet between us settles for a moment, until Ivy speaks again, her voice coming out higher pitched than normal like she’s literally forcing the words out. “Kyler’s coming into town.”
I look over at her, watching as she shifts, her hand tightening on the stroller’s handle.
“Is he?” I try to keep my tone neutral, but something inside me shifts.
Ivy and Kyler’s history is complicated, a tug-of-war relationship.
They still love each other, that much is obvious, but there’s more than just love between them.
There’s hurt. There’s frustration. And there’s a void I don’t think they’ll ever bridge.
Ivy puts on a strong face for Hadley, for us, even for herself, but her heart’s broken.
Ivy nods, her lips pressing together as if she’s preparing for something she doesn’t want to face. “Yeah. He has leave for a few days.”
I look at her, and for a moment, I see that conflicted look on her face—the one she can never hide when it comes to Kyler.
Alinna sighs. “You think that’s a good—”
“I don’t know,” she interrupts, her voice tight. “And he’s staying with us.”
Alinna and I exchange a look, letting Ivy’s words hang in the air, like a storm cloud, full and ready to burst.
“Are we talking about this now? I mean how much longer are you going to keep that part of your life under wraps?” I try to keep the knowing tone out of my voice.
Ivy’s smile falters for just a second before she shrugs, not meeting my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on.” Alinna grins, nudging Ivy with her elbow. “We know the deal with Kyler. Every time he comes home, it’s like nothing ever changed.”
Ivy bites her lip, the tiniest blush creeping up her neck.
She shifts uncomfortably, like she’s trying to keep her cool, but I can see the tension in her shoulders.
“It’s complicated,” she says softly, her gaze flicking to the stroller, a safe place to look.
“He’s still Hadley’s dad, and when he comes home, it’s…
it’s hard to keep our distance.” This is the closest she’s come to admitting that her and Kyler have continued sleeping together since their divorce.
“It’s just…” She pauses, then laughs, though it’s a sound tinged with bitterness.
“I still feel it. Every time I see him, I feel it, and it makes it harder to hold on to any willpower I have.”
I want to tell her to stay strong, that she deserves more than what Kyler’s giving her.
She should be his wife, not the number in his phone he calls when he’s home from another mission or in town to see his daughter.
But I know Ivy well enough to know that’s not what she needs right now. So, I just nod.
Alinna chuckles lightly. “Yeah, I bet it is. Hard to resist the temptation when he’s in your bed any chance he gets.”
Ivy’s face turns pink, but she doesn’t deny it. “It’s not like that,” she mutters, though I can hear the hesitation in her voice. “He’s Hadley’s dad.” She cringes, realizing she already used that excuse. “When he’s here, he’s here. I’m not going to pretend I don’t still have feelings for him.”
“Ivy,” I say gently, feeling for her. “I get it. But don’t you think that’s…messy? I mean, you’re not just hurting yourself?”
Ivy exhales, looking at the ground as we continue walking.
“I know. Believe me, I know. But it’s not like I’m just waiting around for him to come back, Lila.
” She pauses after her lie. “He’s stationed at Fort Bragg.
He’s four hours away. And with how frequent and random his deployments are, we barely see him. ”
I nod, processing everything she said.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t make it any less complicated. You’re keeping yourself in a place that doesn’t let you move forward, Ivy. He chose the divorce, not you,” Alinna interjects.
There’s something in her eyes that makes me start to wonder if there is more to that story than she’s shared.
I used to think the changes in Ivy were just fallout from whatever went down with Kyler.
But now I’m not so sure. Maybe her relationship with Kyler wasn’t the cause of the damage.
Maybe it was the aftermath. Maybe he was the only one who saw everything that broke her.
I keep quiet. The only sound now is Hadley humming softly in her stroller. Finally, Ivy looks up glancing between Alinna and me, her eyes tired but honest. “I’m not saying I’m not still in love with him. Because I am.”
I feel my heart go out to her, wishing I could take some of that pain away. “So what are you going to do?”
Ivy’s eyes meet mine, and there’s a determination there, even though I can tell she’s still unsure. “I don’t know.”
I glance at Alinna, who’s been watching quietly, and she gives me a small, understanding smile. She’s not the one to push the issue.
“Well,” I say, clearing my throat, “I just hope whatever happens, you’re doing it for you. Not for him. Not even for Hadley.”
“I know.” Ivy smiles faintly, her fingers brushing the edge of the stroller. “I’ll figure it out.” She sighs dramatically and I smile because that’s Ivy.
The three of us have weathered a lot together. We’ve been best friends since freshman orientation at University of Virginia over ten years ago.
I watch her now, leaning around the side of the stroller to kiss Hadley’s cheek, and it hits me how little I actually know.
Ivy’s always been warm, steady, easy to talk to...
but she’s careful, too. She's mastered the art of revealing just enough to make you think you're close without ever really letting you in. I used to think she was just private, or maybe still bruised from everything with Kyler. But now I’m starting to wonder if I’ve had it backwards.
What if it wasn’t Kyler who broke her? What if something broke them and she’s been carrying the weight of it ever since?