Logan
Hampton, Virginia
Lila’s green eyes pierce straight through me, stripping me bare. I’ve faced enemy fire, seen death more times than I can count, but standing here, helpless, in front of her, knowing I’m the one who put that pain in her eyes, it’s a different kind of hell.
“I know that I fucked up, Lila. I fucked up so bad I don’t even know how to fix it,” I say, my voice low, rough.
She doesn’t say a word. Just crosses her arms, her lips pressed into a tight line. She’s trembling, but she won’t let herself fall apart—not in front of me. Lila is strong, stronger than I’ve ever been. Strong enough to survive me leaving how I did.
That realization guts me.
“You left me, Logan,” she whispers, the words sharper than any knife. “And you told me you didn’t love me. You called me a mistake. Then you disappeared.” Her voice shakes, but she holds my gaze, unrelenting. “Do you have any idea what that did to me?”
Her words feel like a sledgehammer against my ribs. My hands ball into fists as I force myself to look at her, to see the damage I caused. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” I say, knowing how pathetic it sounds. “I thought if I stayed away, I was saving you from…me.”
Her laugh is bitter. “You don’t get to disappear and call it love, Logan.”
“I know,” I grind out. “I know I handled it wrong. I was weak and broken, Lila. I didn’t know how to deal with…everything. Ryan. Reaper. You and your connections to them. Our connection…” I wring my fingers together, my pulse hammering. “I was falling apart.”
She shakes her head, her expression full of something I don’t deserve. “So, what? You thought leaving me with no explanation was better?” She tilts her head when her voice cracks, and it takes everything in me not to reach for her. Not to drop to my knees and beg for another chance.
“No. I didn’t think that, I just…didn’t know what to do.
But I never stopped thinking about you,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper.
She’s close enough that I could press my lips to hers without taking another step.
“Not for one fucking second. And then after everything, I didn’t know how to try again. ”
For a second, she softens, her arms dropping to her sides. Like maybe there’s a way forward. But then she steels herself again, her expression hardening. “Why now?” she asks, quieter this time. “Why are you ready now?”
Because I’m done running.
Because I’m tired of waking up every day without you.
Because I finally understand that pushing you away didn’t protect either of us.
You’ve got too much life ahead of you to get lost in the dark.
“Because I’ve spent three months trying to fix myself, and the only thing I’ve been sure of this whole time is you.
” I press my right hand against the wall just above her head and use my left to turn her beautiful face up toward mine.
Her eyes shine with unshed tears but she doesn’t fight me.
I’m ready to share the truth I should have told her before I left the first time.
“I love you, Lila. I’ve been yours since Vegas, but I was too much of an idiot to tell you before. ”
Her breath hitches. A crack in the armor. She searches my face as a single tear slips down her cheek. She starts to shake her head, stealing the optimism blooming in my chest.
“I don’t know if I can do this again,” she whispers, leaning away from my touch.
I don’t let myself panic as I pull away, retreating to give her space. “I’ll wait,” I say, my voice raw. “If you need time, I’ll give it to you. If you need space, I’ll step back. But I’m not giving up on us, Lila.”
She presses her lips together and looks away, her shoulders trembling. Silence stretches between us. Finally, she looks at me, blinking back tears. “Fine. Then I need time.”
Relief and pain collide in my chest, and I nod, stepping closer again. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”
She studies me for another long moment, then sets one hand on my chest, sending a jolt of electricity through me. She gently pushes me backward. Silently asking for space between us again. “I think you should go.”
I want to fight her on it. I want to say something, anything, to convince her to let me stay. But I don’t.
I nod once, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Okay,” I say quietly. “I’ll call you later.”
She doesn’t answer. I force myself to turn and walk away even though every step feels like a nail in my coffin.