Lila
Hampton, Virginia
The living room is cozy, lit by the soft glow of lamps, the fireplace, and the flicker of the TV screen playing Cinderella.
It’s a rare girls’ night, and I’ve been looking forward to this all week.
Logan’s been gone for two days, and I haven’t heard from him.
I can’t help the gnawing feeling in my stomach every time I look at my phone and don’t see his name pop up.
Ivy, Alinna, and I are scattered across the couch, wearing oversized sweaters, leggings, and fuzzy socks. The kind of comfy clothes that feel like a hug. We’ve decided to make it a sleepover.
Hadley is curled up on layers of blankets and pillows piled on the rug in front of us, her small fingers wrapped around a juice box.
She’s wearing a cute little pajama set with tiny hearts on it.
Her blonde hair is pulled into pigtails, and she’s flipping through a picture book, occasionally saying the words she recognizes out loud in her sweet voice.
Echo, her favorite stuffed bear, is snuggled in beside her.
It’s impossible not to smile at her innocence.
Alinna lounges on the other side of the couch with a glass of wine in hand, the red liquid catching the light as she swirls it lazily.
She just got back from Syria a couple nights ago and looks like she hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in months.
Ivy is next to me, her legs stretched out in front of her on the ottoman we pulled flush against the couch, nursing a glass of white wine.
Her usually sharp amber eyes seem distant, as if her mind is somewhere far away, maybe on the conversation we’ve been circling for the last few minutes: Kyler.
My phone buzzes in my lap. I try to ignore it. I try to focus on my friends. But my pulse races at the idea of the smallest connection to Logan, even through pixels and distance.
It’s his name that flashes across my screen.
Ivy narrows her eyes, a small knowing smile appearing on her pretty face.
LOGAN: Hey, sweetheart. We made it. I won’t be able to talk much, but I wanted to let you know, I’m safe.
“It’s Logan,” I say quietly, more to excuse myself than to inform them. It’s my polite way of letting them know I’m gone, pulled into a different world.
LILA: Hi! I’m so happy you’re safe. I know no news is good, but I still worry.
LOGAN: You don’t need to worry.
LILA: Like that will stop me.
I watch the screen, waiting, my breath snagging in my chest. Minutes tick by before my phone lights up with his reply.
LOGAN: I miss you.
LOGAN: What are you wearing right now?
I choke on my wine, coughing as Alinna lifts an eyebrow. “Are you okay?” She says the words slowly, stretching out the syllables.
I wave her off, my face burning. “Yep. Totally fine.”
LILA: Bold statement, Captain. Shouldn’t you be doing something important?
LOGAN: I am. Conducting a morale check. Answer the question.
I try to keep my expression neutral, but the way my stomach flips makes it impossible. I force my focus back onto my friends.
Alinna is looking at Ivy with sympathy, her eyebrows pulled together. “How long’s it been since he saw Hadley?”
“It’s only been a few days since they’ve FaceTimed, but it’s been almost two weeks since he’s seen her.
He was here visiting when he got the call,” Ivy replies, her voice flat, almost defeated.
She glances down at her glass, swirling the wine before bringing it to her lips again.
“This one’s supposed to be less than a month.
” She shakes her head. “But I don’t really know. He doesn’t tell me anything anymore.”
Kyler has the kind of job most people only read about in books or see in movies.
It’s elite, secretive, and dangerous. He’s one of the ones called in when everything else has failed.
A Tier 1 operator trained for some of the most high-stakes missions, yet he couldn’t handle the pressure of a marriage.
I guess I just don’t know how anyone could live that life and not crave the normalcy of going home to a loving family.
I feel the weight of her words, the unsaid parts that hang heavy in the air. “I’m sorry, Ivy,” I say softly, reaching over to squeeze her hand. She gives me a half smile, her lips thin, but it’s a smile nonetheless. I can’t shake the feeling that there are things she isn’t sharing.
“I know,” she says, her voice catching for a moment. I don’t miss the faraway look in her eyes. “It’s just, he’s been gone more than he’s been here this past year. And even though I guess we weren’t good for each other, I—I miss him. I really do.”
Alinna nods, her eyes full of understanding. “It’s hard, especially when it feels like a part of you is just…vanishing. But you deserve a man who puts you first. Who didn’t leave you to pick up the pieces on your own.”
Ivy takes another sip of her wine, her expression unreadable.
She opens and closes her mouth a few times without any words coming out.
Then. “I thought he was that man.” She exhales slowly, looking down at Hadley, who’s now watching Cinderella, her book forgotten beside her.
“I just…don’t know what to do with this space.
I’m so used to him being around, even if he was distant or away.
He still felt like a part of us, like he’d be right back.
Our home here, it’s just so…quiet. So empty.
I think that’s why I let him back in. Why I let us play pretend. ”
I watch Hadley as she holds Echo up and giggles to herself. She’s oblivious to the weight of our conversation, and for a moment, it’s a relief to focus on her. I listen to Ivy talk about the empty spaces Kyler’s left behind, but struggle to keep my mind off where Logan is leading our conversation.
My skin prickles, heart hammering as I finally type back.
LILA: Fine. Your T-shirt. And nothing else.
The second I hit send, I regret it. Sort of. But only because it isn’t true. I snort, quickly flipping my phone face down on the couch. But the blush is already creeping up my neck, giving me away.
Alinna narrows her blue eyes at me. “Why do you look like that?”
I grab a throw pillow, hugging it to my chest like a shield. “Like what?”
“Like you’re about to combust,” Ivy says, standing up. “Is it Logan?”
I groan, tilting my head back against the couch. “Maybe.”
“You need more wine,” she states, giving Alinna a pointed look. She immediately jumps up, snatching my wineglass from my hand and following Ivy into the kitchen for refills. They’re probably in the kitchen giggling and whispering about whatever it is they think Logan and I are talking about.
My phone buzzes again, and despite myself, I peek at the screen.
LOGAN: You’re cruel.
LILA: You asked.
LOGAN: I regret nothing. Except not being there to see you.
I bite down on a smile, warmth curling low through my stomach. It’s almost embarrassing how easily he makes me forget the ache of missing him.
LILA: What would you do if you were?
I shift, pulling my knees up to my chest, my heart pounding so loudly I swear the girls can hear it as they settle back onto the couch. I can feel their eyes on me, but I’m already too far gone, caught up in Logan and the way he can make me feel wanted from thousands of miles away.
His reply comes almost instantly, and my breath catches.
LOGAN: I’d start by kissing you slow.
LOGAN: I’d make you beg for it.
I nearly drop the phone.
“Okay, what is happening?” Ivy presses, scooting closer. “You’re blushing.”
“I am not blushing,” I say, but my voice cracks, betraying me.
“You absolutely are, your face is bright red,” Alinna counters, grabbing for my phone. I jerk it out of reach, clutching it to my chest. She smirks, then hands me my wineglass.
I gulp down a sip and type back my reply.
LILA: Beg? Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t take control first.
LOGAN: Be my guest. You have no idea what you do to me.
I swear the room tilts.
“Oh my gosh,” Ivy breathes, shaking her head as she begins to smile. “Is he sexting you right now?”
“No!” I yelp, my voice way too high-pitched to be convincing.
LOGAN: But then I’d pin your hands above your head and remind you exactly who’s in charge.
I slam my phone face down on the couch and cover my face with my hands. “I’m actually dying.”
Alinna bursts out laughing.
Ivy grins. “At least deployment hasn’t killed the spark.” The understatement of the year.
LILA: Big talk for someone who isn’t here.
LOGAN: I don’t need to be there to know how to wreck you.
I clap a hand over my mouth, eyes wide as I stare at the screen like it might catch fire. My skin burns, every word sinking deep enough to leave a mark.
“Are you going to show us?” Alinna scoots closer to me on the couch. She gathers her thick dark hair into a high ponytail, flicking it over her shoulder before her eyes land back on me. Her manicured hand is open, face up, like she expects me to place my phone in her palm.
“Oh my gosh, no,” I shriek.
LOGAN: I’d take my time, though. You know I like to be thorough.
My chest tightens, memories catching like wildfire. Logan’s mouth on my skin, the way he’s mapped every inch of me like he’s committing it to memory.
LILA: So thorough.
LOGAN: I’ve got a lot of hours in the cockpit to think about exactly what I’m going to do to you when I get back.
LILA: You should stop talking.
LOGAN: Why?
LILA: Because I’m not alone.
Ivy sighs dramatically, tossing her phone onto the ottoman.
I glance up from my screen, narrowing my eyes. “Ivy, don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry, we can keep talking about Kyler. I’ll turn my phone off.” Since it’s probably the only way to resist the temptation.
She starts laughing. “Oh goodness, no. You’re just making me miss when Kyler and I were like this. I miss the butterflies I’d feel when his name popped up on my screen.”
“Text your pilot back, Li,” Alinna says, walking around me and settling next to Ivy on the couch. She taps her wine glass against Ivy’s and they both take a sip before Ivy drops her head onto Alinna’s shoulder.
Hadley is asleep on the floor atop of a thick pile of blankets, looking more like a young Sleeping Beauty than Cinderella racing from the ball as the clock strikes midnight on the TV.
LOGAN: I’d give anything to be there right now.
LOGAN: To feel your nails down my back. To hear you whisper my name like a prayer.
I squeeze my eyes shut, swallowing hard.
LILA: You’re killing me.
LOGAN: Just returning the favor, beautiful.
LILA: What am I supposed to do now?
LOGAN: Close your eyes. Pretend I’m there.
LOGAN: And remember exactly how it feels when I’m inside you.
I drop the phone onto my lap, pressing my face into my hands. “I can’t do this.”
Alinna cackles. “Say more.”
Ivy grins. “That bad?”
“That good,” I mumble, dragging my hands down my face.
My phone buzzes again, and despite myself, I look.
LOGAN: When I get back, you’re not leaving my bed for at least 48 hours.
LILA: Come home to me, Logan.
The typing bubbles linger for a long time, and my heart clenches painfully in my chest.
LOGAN: I will.
I clutch the phone to my chest, blinking up at the ceiling as the room spins around me. My eyes trace the crown molding, following it around the edges of the room.
LOGAN: I love you.
The words flash on the screen, simple but devastating.
LILA: I love you, too.
LOGAN: Sweet dreams, beautiful. I hope I haunt them.
I shake my head and turn off my phone, hugging it to my chest like that might somehow bring him closer.