Chapter 9 #4
“I know. What the absolute fuck was that?” Drako joins in. “Oh, let’s get to safety by walking over the same fucking animals that ate literally everyone we ever cared about.”
Oh, I see. They’ve gone mad. The fear of finding themselves absolutely at the mercy of a predator collectively so much larger than they are has driven them off the edge of metaphorical sanity.
Fortunately for me, I am a woman, so I am almost always surrounded by a collective of predators capable of doing me great harm if they decide to.
For Thor and Drako, that was a life-altering encounter. For me it was Tuesday.
I sit down and catch my breath while those two lumber about smacking each other in ways that apparently help them regulate their emotions. After a good long episode of madness, they come to their senses.
“Are you okay?” Thor says, coming to crouch next to me. “You’re being very quiet.”
“Yeah. I am okay. I just don’t have anything to be loud about,” I say.
I am looking out over that rocky plain and I am thinking about how so many things can swallow you whole if you’re not careful.
I think I’ve let myself be swallowed by a lot of stuff in the past. I just didn’t know how I was being eaten.
There’s something about being on this planet that is making me want to make good decisions.
I can’t explain why. Might just be the fact that my mortality keeps shoving itself in my face every two seconds.
Maybe I’m finally starting to understand that actions have consequences even if those consequences don’t appear immediately.
Drako makes a grunting noise at the both of us, gestures as if we should stay, and dives into the scrub. I know for sure if I did that there would be hell to pay, but I can’t argue with him, because he’s fucked off.
“This is a dangerous world,” Thor says. “But you and I seem to have the luck to survive it.”
He’s trying to cheer me up. I don’t know if I am in the mood to be cheered.
“Luck always runs out in the end,” I tell him. “She doesn’t like being relied upon.”
“There’s a lot that goes into luck,” Thor admits. “We can be prepared. We can pay attention to our surroundings better. We can…”
“We can do everything right and still die at any time,” I say.
“That’s true too,” he admits. “But I have a vested interest in keeping you alive, Selene. I have from the first moment I met you. I know I haven’t always made the decisions you wanted me to make.
I think you’ve still not forgiven me for turning you over to the captain when I found out you were stowing away. But I care about you.”
“That’s gonna make no difference at all when we are both inside the belly of an animal we don’t even have a name for,” I say.
Thor helps me stand up, then he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me in a way that is supposed to be comforting. I try to resist, but I can’t. My biology likes it when massive, sweaty men with soft beards hold me close and insist that everything is going to be alright.
“We’re looking out for you,” he says. “You’re the most protected woman on this planet.”
“I’m the only woman on this planet!” I shoot back.
“All the more reason to keep you safe,” he chuckles, as if he has said something particularly funny.
I find myself smiling. I can’t help it. Thor’s energy is contagious, and having watched him and Drako bond over us all almost dying for no good reason whatsoever, I know he’s the sort of guy who survives things like this. Tough men survive tough times.
I wonder if I am tough enough, or if I’m just a contrary little brat who has gotten herself into more trouble than she can handle this time.
“Stop drifting off into those sulky thoughts,” Thor corrects me, nipping my ear lightly, like a dog.
“Hey!” I complain, though not really because I know he’s trying to get my mood to improve.
“You’re usually in better spirits than this,” he says. “Is it because you don’t have anything to rebel against? Do you want me to tell you to do something and let you refuse?”
“No,” I smirk. “It wouldn’t work anyway, because it wouldn’t be real.”
“Oh, it has to be real,” he laughs, pulling me closer to his chest. I am buried in muscular embrace, and I’m not sure that I can breathe. I am also not sure it matters, really.
“Well,” he says. “I want you to be a good girl for Drako and me. I want you to do as you are told, and speak to us with respect, and…”
“Fuck you,” I mutter.
“There she is,” he says. “Did that make you feel better?”
The fucked-up thing is, it really did. I got a little zap of energy from defying him, even though I know it’s not a real scenario.
“When Drako comes back, you can tell him that you’re taking charge and he has to listen to you from now on,” Thor suggests. “That, and everything that would follow it would certainly improve your mood.”
“You think I just like being in trouble?”
“Yes,” he says.
He’s right, too. I’ve become sort of one-dimensional that way, but goddamn, there’s nothing like the rush of looking into an authority figure’s eyes and straight up defying them.
Whatever kind of glee Drako and Thor got out of almost dying and then running away, it’s nothing compared to the thrill I get from disobedience.
Wow. My dead dad really has a lot to answer for in the way he raised me, I guess.
Freya and Mila don’t seem to have the same psychological quirk. Maybe it’s genetic. Or maybe… I don’t know. What’s the point of taking my brain apart here and now when some creature might be taking it apart literally very soon.
“Where do you think Drako went?”
“To shit himself, probably,” Thor says bluntly.
The answer catches me off guard, and I laugh.
“There you go!” Thor’s so pleased with himself. His handsome face spreads wide in a lovely grin.
“I guess running can do that to you,” I say.
There’s not much in the way of dignity in the wild. At home there was plumbing and whatnot. Here it’s just doing things the same way animals do them.
Just as we’re theorizing what he’s up to, Drako returns. He looks at us with handsomely narrowed eyes.
“What are the two of you laughing about? Are you conspiring against me?”
“And lose our experienced guide who led us directly into a field of thousands of animals any one of which could have killed us all? No. Of course not. We wouldn’t dare. We depend on you for our survival,” I say.
Drako does not like the joke.
“Do I need to teach you respect?” He walks over to me, all tall, dark, handsome, and stern.
“Yes, please,” I grin, absolutely unrepentant.
Thor has moved away from me, strategically. He’s literally going to let me start some shit just to improve my mood. This cannot be a healthy kind of approach, but we might be past concerns about health.
“What is wrong with her?” He turns and asks Thor the question, as if Thor might have an answer.
Thor shrugs.
“Address me when I’m talking to you,” I say. “That’s what’s polite.”
Drako’s dark brows rise at me. “Have you absolutely lost your mind?”
“You didn’t exactly do a good job of leading,” I tell him. “So I’ve decided to be the leader. Thor has already agreed to follow. What do you have to say for yourself?”
Drako pauses for a moment.
“Little girl,” he says, when he regains his power of speech. “You are about to be whipped and fucked to within an inch of your life. Do you want to make an apology before I start?”
I glance over at Thor, then back at Drako.
“Sure,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“Good…”
“I’m sorry you suck at leading,” I say. “I mean you got your entire landing party killed, and today we could have all died as well. Following you is practically a suicide wish.”
The second I say it, I know I’ve gone too far.
Ah, fuck. I never knew what it looked like to hurt a dangerous psychopath’s feelings. Except he’s not a psychopath, because he has feelings, and not rage.
“Perhaps you are correct,” Drako says grimly. “But you do not have any other options, unless you want to make your own way.”
I feel sick to my stomach. I hate hurting people’s feelings like this.
Sometimes I try to hurt them on purpose, but that is very different.
That’s intentional, and feels good. What doesn’t feel good is accidentally by mistake fucking someone up.
I look over at Thor in the hopes that he can help. He’s more diplomatic than I am.
“She wasn’t trying to hurt you. She was trying to get her ass whipped,” Thor says. “You were the one who noticed we were on the horde. We could have just kept walking until one of them woke up and then we’d have been snapped up. And I’ve got a pack full of food that I’m going to cook up right now.”
“I’ll build a fire,” I say.
I scurry away to get dry leaves and sticks for kindling. I am glad for the task. I don’t even want to look at Drako right now. Goddamn it, what the fuck is an evil Vikar jarl doing being sensitive about his leadership skills?
I set the fire up and then I help Thor prepare the food.
“I need to speak to her,” Drako says to him. He doesn’t ask to talk to me. He tells Thor that he’s taking me. Because to Drako, I’m a possession they swap between them. Fucker.
“Sure,” Thor says.
“Sure? What do you mean sure?” I make scandalized sounds that don’t have nearly the impact they should have.
“C’mere,” Drako says, pulling me away by the collar. The day is starting to turn to the golden twilight hour. We stand a little bit away from camp, surrounded by bushes and such. It’s not exactly private, but it’s more private than it would otherwise be.
“If you had said something like that to me when I was jarl, I would have whipped you until you cried,” he says. “The disrespect would not have been tolerated. You would have felt the pain of my punishment for days. Is that what you want?”
“No?” I squeak the response. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said the stuff about you getting everyone eaten. It’s really hard to stop everyone getting eaten sometimes, especially when you’re trying to do a fire and blood ritual.”