Chapter 7
Icould go without the flinching that’s being thrown my way from her but then again, I’m basking in her reaction to me.
It does make me curious, why is she flinching when I’ve never laid a hand on her?
Could it be that she got into more fights than I was told about in prison or was this something else?
Half of Juliana’s reasoning for keeping her son is probably because he’s Black and I’m not. His skin color, ethnicity or background doesn’t change the fact that I love that kid. He’s my son.
A life for a life.
She took my wife, so she became my wife.
She took my kid, so hers became mine. There was no other way around it even if she groveled on her knees for him.
I meant what I said, I wouldn’t give him up for anything.
When I adopted him, it wasn’t for some sick joke or cruelty towards Juliana, it was because he deserved better.
A better mother and a better father.
Speaking of fathers, I made sure that her deadbeat boyfriend, Edwin, didn’t know about his child. He couldn’t even come back to fight for Alaric because I made sure he signed documents. Were they what he thought he was signing? Probably not, but I don’t give a fuck.
Plus, what kind of father would Edwin be? He testified against Juliana saying she had rushed out of the car because she was upset he didn’t do what she wanted. They had had a fight, one Juliana didn’t bother to clarify nor retract his words.
Instead of heading to my room, I head in the opposite direction to my son’s room.
When I open the door, he’s sleeping soundly in his bed.
My chest swells with pride every single time I see him.
I wasn’t lying when I told her, he was my son.
I would never say this to Juliana but Alaric is the best part of her, the only thing from her that came out good.
The rest of her was going to be shackled to me like two prisoners on death row.
Her and I no longer lived as humans. We both died the day my wife and children died.
I walked over to my son and laid a kiss on his forehead before I placed the blanket back on his body. He likes to kick the sheets off until he is completely void of it but I knew that he knew I would always come back in and place it back on his body. I was and am, his protector for life.
After grabbing another drink, I walk past her room but then I double back. I feel uneasy sleeping in my room so I enter hers again and there she is… sleeping on the floor like I fucking told her not to.
Instead of waking her up, I walked back to the seat that I was sitting in before she realized I was there. Watching her. Looking at every move that she made; her whimpers, her cries and even the breath she takes, I count them.
I haven’t slept well since my family died and I don’t plan on sleeping again until both Juliana and I have suffered enough.
Even when that happens, it won’t be enough. It will never be enough.
A cough pulls me away from my deep thoughts and my eyes glare at Juliana as she whimpers again in her sleep.
“Please… please…” she begs in her sleep.
“Please what, Juli?” I whisper back to her but then she quiets down.
There’s nothing else that she says as she takes those odd breaths again.
Breaths that feel like she’s holding something back even in her sleep.
I need to know everything else about her even if she doesn't want me to. There are things that I feel deep in my bones that she’s keeping hidden in the crevices of her mind but I will find it.
Just like I found out everything else. She shouldn’t have put herself in front of me.
In front of my family’s life because then she could have had whatever she wanted… and that is freedom from me.
This isn’t like you, Dean…
Words that I know Carmen would’ve said to me but I didn’t care.
I don’t care anymore because I would love to hold her words true to my ears and digest them.
She is no longer living. Hell, if I could see ghosts, she probably wouldn’t be seen by me.
She was a perfect soul, one that would have crossed over along with my son. The most innocent people in my life.
There was a storm brewing deep within me that was never going to quiet down, not even for my son, Alaric. I should care about Ricky and how one day he will find out who his mother really is but I can’t let go.
I won’t let go of my revenge.
If I let go of that, I have nothing and there’s nothing worse than that. Nothingness isn’t something I am searching for in this life.
I could give it all up. I could search for something else in life. Take care of Ricky and find myself someone else to love… but I won’t.
Before I could further ponder I got distracted by the groaning coming from her lips.
“Edwin!” She shouts and sits up in a panic.
“Who’s Edwin?” I ask her even though I know who that is to her and Juliana turns to face me as I lean in from the shadows, letting the light from the moon hit my face as it sneaks through the window.
Juliana doesn’t say a word, she just watches me as if she’s ready to run away.
“Nobody…” She whispers back.
Her brown eyes widen and the moonlight shows that she’s sweating but I don’t care, as long as it’s out of fear for me and not no damned Edwin. That loser she was with.
“Listen to me and listen to me very clearly, Juliana, I don’t want to hear another man’s name leave your lips. I’m the only one that you tremble in fear of. Whether you wake up drenched in sweat or not. Let that be clear for you, there is no Edwin in this house.”
She’ll learn…