Chapter 26
Imay have lost my mind when it came to owning the town but something about being here woke me up again.
The pain of losing my brother and the way he was discovered came flooding in.
Hell, I don’t even believe in ghosts much but I felt him and I dreamt of him.
Even if he wanted me to let him go, I can’t.
These people need to face the consequences of killing a kid that did nothing to them.
The fact that I’m older than him now when it shouldn’t be like this, isn’t alright.
It isn’t safe for me to dwell on the what-ifs of it because all it does is piss me off.
It irritates me that this town and these people walk around acting as if my brother owed them something and he deserves to be in the ground.
“This is bullshit.” I grumble to myself as I sit back, staring at the ceiling.
I’m restless and I don’t like the way that there isn’t anything on there for me to concentrate on.
My frown deepens as I stare at the blank, off white, chipped ceiling, there’s something so profound in the silence.
The heartache that I feel. I don’t know if it's for my family or for the fact that I am close to finding out who did this to my brother.
My eyes shut as I think back to when I was a teenager and in some weird phase. Well that’s what my parents called it. I didn’t know what it was or what was wrong but now as an adult, I think it was emotions that were suppressed.
I didn’t know how to feel then and I don’t know how to feel now. At times, I used to just punch my wall repeatedly and other days, I’d stare. Stare so hard that it would cause me to forget it all.
Forget that my parents were arguing back and forth because he isn't a good man. Nothing about him was secure. I used to think that my father hated me and I knew that was why I was the way that I was. Hell, even him not acknowledging Godric’s death or life.
I don’t remember the last time I felt this way; so lost and empty to the point that so many things felt pointless.
Me keeping Juliana here with me, me hurting her with my words and me, waiting for Carmen to walk back into my life.
Something that makes me more delusional than I already am. I need to let her go, don’t I?
To not hold on to her so tight that I become my father.
My father became that way because he lost a piece of him with Godric. I couldn’t even imagine how he felt at that time but now… now that I’ve lost a child and an unborn one. I can no longer be the same. I am floating.
Floating in my life.
Having everyone hate me because that is the only way I can express the emotions I’ve learned and am not experiencing.
But now…everything is clear as my phone pings.
Pulling out my cell, I don’t anticipate what email I receive.
My eyes scan over what I’m reading the first time and I don’t blink nor do I flinch. I don’t bother sitting up as I read over it again and
again.
Hi, Mr Crowne.
Here are the sealed files and details on Godric.
Time of death: 11pm.
Cause of death: Froze to death and multiple blunt force trauma.
Coroner’s notes:
Patient was repeatedly hit over the head with a weapon that could be identified as either a hammer or the dull side of an ax.
Patient had multiple wounds; excessive; some wounds were fresh and others indicate that he was held for days before he passed on.
Patient’s face was unrecognizable and had motorcycle tire tracks indicating someone ran over his face multiple times but that is not the cause of death. He was held down by something or someone. Unidentifiable.
Patient’s hair was shaved off;
Personally, even if this isn’t my professional opinion, he was Native-American and he did not believe in cutting his hair so this was a sign of disrespect from the attacker. I am not a cop nor a detective, just merely a medical examiner but this is important. Please, pay attention to this!
There is some redacted information and I pause trying to figure out if I should know more or just read what the conclusion of this report was. The medical examiner’s notes. The only other link to my brother’s death and explaining it.
In conclusion, the cause of death wasn’t any of the things he endured. He was alive until he was thrown out in the streets naked. There is where he froze to death with no one to help him tend to his wounds.
End of notes.
I scroll further down and there are pictures of Godric when they found him out on the street and another when he’s on the medical table after he’s been cleaned. With the coroner trying their best to make him look like himself, I suppose.
I stare at the photo of him being found, his eyes are open and even though they appear lifeless. There is an expression that I won’t ever get out of my system or memory. Desperation. He needed help and no one helped him. Not one person.
Placing my cell close to my heart, my chest aches from a pain that I know isn’t really physical.
“Hmm.” a pained sound escapes my mouth and then the tears fall down without my permission.
I can’t. I’m sinking in death and I don’t know if I can come out of it.
They destroyed my brother. Hurt him and broke him.
A little 18-year-old Native boy that no one would miss. No one would look for his killer and no one would care to find out either.
“Hmm.”
That was all I could manage to get out. Any other thing hurts me. I can’t move, not even when Juliana called my name over and over. I heard her but I felt like I was under water. Drowning in death and misery. Hurting over and over again for people who died when they didn’t need to.
I failed you, Godric. I’m so sorry.