Chapter 6
Ollie sat on the ground in the circular center of the first floor, packing newly cleaned books, and feeling more than a little embarrassed after freaking out on Noble.
The man had just looked so horrified and guilty, as if it was Noble’s fault Ollie had freaked out.
It wasn’t. Just Ollie’s dumb brain being stupid.
He sighed as he sealed the box he’d been working on. Pushing it aside, instead of grabbing another box and more books, he stared off blankly, trying not to think. Which was easier to do at the moment because he was tired, so…zoning out for the win.
Ollie blinked, flinching when someone else’s shadow joined his own. Looking back, he relaxed on finding Jahla there.
In a long-sleeved shirt that was half white and half black, with a diagonal zipper separating the colors, along with baggy black cargo pants, and her normal boots, her locs were down, and there was a stiff smile on her face as she held up a paper Burger King bag and drinks carrier containing two cups.
“Just me. I brought food. Though whether fast food is actually food is always in question.”
He eyed the bag. “Nuggets?”
“Yep, and onion rings. I got you Sprite to drink.”
“Yay!” he said with as much cheer as he could. He wasn’t feeling that cheerful, but he was trying. As she pulled out their food and used the bag as a tray, he snagged a nugget and took a bite, swallowing before asking, “What about everyone else?”
“They decided to go out to eat, but figured you wouldn’t want to.”
They were right, so he didn’t bother getting offended that they hadn’t asked him. Though he must have missed them leaving while he was in back. “What about Noble?”
The man was out buying more tape and a few other things, as he, in fact, had been wrong, and there hadn’t actually been any in that supply room, making his meltdown even more worthless.
“I texted him and he said he’d pick something up on the way back and just eat it while driving.”
“Ah,” he murmured before finishing his nugget and taking a drink from his soda.
“Have you contacted that specialized cleaning company yet?” She eyed the multiple large stacks of closed boxes sitting near the open hall that led to the wheelchair accessible public side entrance and exit.
Near those stacks was an empty heavy-duty cart, and a packaging scale with multiple sharpies scattered beside it.
But that was not all the boxes, because to his left were at least fifty more, and they had yet to be weighed.
Ollie cleared his throat. “Yeah, there is a stack of printed shipping labels on the circulation desk—near where Red is currently napping—that are waiting for me to match them up with the weights written on the boxes by the elevator. I suppose I should work on that after eating. I plan to have Noble help me load up the library van with as many as is safe weight-wise, and do several runs to the post office.”
“Wouldn’t it be better to just schedule pickups?” she asked.
“I could, but I figured it may be better to do it ourselves, as they can be finicky, and I don’t want someone to have to sit here waiting for people to arrive and waste time.”
Jahla snorted. “Right, there were a few times they never showed up, and then that one time they did, with not enough space for what we needed hauled away, even after warning them.”
“Yep,” he said after eating another nugget and an onion ring. “How’s the progress upstairs?”
With Ollie’s throat still acting up, and it becoming apparent that the respirator was causing him to cough more, not to mention hurting his still very tender face, he’d been sent down to the first floor, along with Noble, to focus on packing while everyone else continued to clean.
“Taking a break from cleaning to move more books out of the soot-filled room. But I'm sure we will either reach or pass the halfway point today.”
“We’ve made good progress. But it took time to set up and get ready for what we were doing, so I imagine the second half will go faster.
That being said, tell everyone to only bring out as many books as you think you can get through today.
I want to remove and toss the current tarps tonight, so we can put new ones down tomorrow after a quick wipe down of the floors.
The current ones are pretty covered and it’ll make it harder to actually clean without spreading more soot if we keep going with them. ”
“I’ll let them know when they come back.”
With a smile he hoped wasn’t strained, he chimed, “All in all, I think we’ll finish in time.
Soon enough, we will be back to normal here, with the public running around again.
And just in time for Halloween. Thought that is another headache with everything we will have to either cancel or jam into the schedule next week—ha.
No worries, I have already started messing with the schedule… ”
Jahla eyed him, a frown on her face. “Ollie…you don’t have to fake it.”
His smile faltered. “Fake what?”
“Being happy and cheerful?”
Ollie cleared his throat, avoiding her gaze as he wrung his hands together and carefully lied. “I’m not.”
“You suck at lying. Especially when you are lying about something pertaining to yourself.”
He huffed. “I’m not that bad at it.” He wasn’t great at lying. Okay, he was pretty terrible at lying especially when the person actually knew him. “I’m fine. And I have a cheerful personality, so soon enough, it won’t be fake.”
“Mhm,” she grunted in disbelief, before eyeing him way too speculatively and saying, “Ollie, maybe it would be good for you to talk to someone about what happened. You know, professionally?”
“I’m fine.”
“You are jumping at shadows.”
So he wasn’t exactly okay, and he could see why she thought talking to a professional was a good idea, but…
Swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat, he softly and hesitantly rasped, “I think I’d have to lie too much for it to be helpful—hah…
and I may actually have a breakdown just trying to do that.
In fact, just thinking about it makes me feel slightly panicked.
” He cleared his throat when his voice cracked at the end.
Jahla hugged him. “I’m here, ready to listen if you want someone to talk to, Ollie.”
“I…I was scared.” He swallowed again, as he started to tear up, before blurting out fast and in one breath, “And I may have just freaked out on Noble earlier. He came up behind me and all I saw was a shadow, and then my ears were ringing, and I didn’t realize it was him.
I made him feel horrible, even though he has done nothing but be nice and take care of me, and he may possibly want to leave me if I keep doing it. ”
She pulled back, and he wrinkled his nose as she briefly, yet almost gently, squished his face between her hands. “If he was going to leave you because of a panic attack, he would have done it before now, don’t you think? You know, before there were multiple dead bodies involved?”
She…may have a point there, but still! What if another was just one too many!? And it was different this time. “It’s worse…”
“What is?”
“This…I mean…what happened was worse than with that serial killer. T-there was…more time to think. The other time was over so quickly.” He sniffled.
“But the reason was different too. He didn’t want me dead because of what I am.
William wanted me dead because he thought I knew what he had done. But Mikael, he…”
Jahla’s brow pulled. “You knew who he was? The witch hunter?”
Ollie blinked. “Didn’t I mention that? Or anyone else for that matter? I mean…yes, he came into the library before. You actually talked to him when he registered for a library card. He was someone Noble had run into before, and knew he was bad news. Someone Noble told me to stay away from.”
“I…see,” his friend drawled way too suspiciously.
“Don’t say it like that,” he huffed.
“I said it normally. But one does have to wonder how he knew Mikael was so dangerous to you specifically.”
“He didn’t say me specifically.”
At least, he didn’t think he had. Though it was a bit hard to recall word for word what Noble had told him about the man.
Well…Noble may not have specifically mentioned that everyone else should stay away from Mikael at the time, only that he should.
But Ollie was sure that was just Noble being concerned for him because he liked and knew him, rather than being unconcerned for others.
Also, he’d probably been worried about him specifically because Noble had known what he was, and possibly what Mikael was.
Even if, at the time, his boyfriend hadn’t admitted to knowing, because Ollie hadn’t exactly been ready for it to be known.
Though, he could only assume Noble knew what Mikael was because he knew that witches existed.
“Anyway, that is beside the point.”
“And the point is?” she asked with a sarcastic raise of one eyebrow.
He took a shuddering breath. “That I was scared, and I think…I still am. B-but I’m not sure if I’m scared of more hunters coming, or of…
of what I’ll do if they come.” A scared whimper slipped out at the thought before he could stop it.
“And I d-don’t know what I would have d-done if Noble hadn’t come. ”
Jahla eyed Ollie. His eye was no longer swollen, and the bruising was starting to fade enough to actually see the many freckles he had on his right cheek, but what remained seemed to emphasize the hurt and fear in his teary eyes.
Her friend’s pain caused her own heart to hurt, so Jahla pulled him back into a hug.
“Ollie, I’m glad Noble managed to stop you. Taking a life isn’t something that should be done lightly. That being said, no one would have blamed you if you had.”
As much as she was now even more suspicious of Noble, she was grateful for the asshole being there, she supposed.
Ollie yanked from her hold, snapping as he slapped his chest. “But it wasn’t me!
” Her friend sniffled. “I mean… Ha...it was, but…it wasn’t?
I don’t know. I can still feel it inside me; the hatred and rage that never really felt like mine.
Anytime I think about what happened to Red, what almost happened, or when I think about someone else I care about getting hurt because of me, because I am not enough, because I am too weak, it flares up!
It’s like it is…waiting for the right moment to rush forward and take control again. ”
There was…a lot to unpack in what Ollie had just said, but she wasn’t sure she could comment on most of it.
Because the truth was…if anyone had asked her before this if Ollie was capable of purposely killing anyone, she’d have definitively said no.
But the way Ollie spoke about the emotions made her think something far beyond her knowledge was going on here.
“Ollie, you ARE enough, and you are NOT weak.”
“But I am! If I had just tried to read that damn book of mine, tried to learn, if I had just stopped being in denial for so long, maybe most of what happened wouldn’t have! Red almost died, Jay.” He sobbed as his tears broke free. “I felt him slipping away!”
Jahla carefully brushed a few tears off the side of Ollie’s face that wasn’t bruised.
“Hun, you’ve only been a witch for a little over a month. Which is the same amount of time you’ve known they actually exist. No one expects you to learn everything you possibly can about being one in that short time, especially not when you were, and still are, coming to terms with it.”
“But shouldn’t I have at least started?!” he cried. “Like, I love knowledge. I will read everything I can get my hands on, yet when it mattered, I didn’t!”
“Ollie, you need to give yourself a break.” She rested a hand on Ollie’s tightly clasped together hands, and lightly squeezed. “You need to stop trying to hold yourself to standards that no one else could possibly keep.”
Ollie let out a soft whimper, as a few more tears broke free. “B-but what i-if I do…and someone dies because of it?”
“Ollie, you are not responsible for the lives of everyone around you.”
“But I am now, don’t you see?! If a-a witch hunter comes and one of you gets hu-hurt, it will be m-my fault! Not to mention, if I-I…if I lose control again and hurt someone!”
“Then you won’t lose control again.” She gave his hands another squeeze. “You’ll learn, and you’ll get stronger.”
“But—ha—what if it’s n-not enough?”
“The only thing you can do is try your best, Ollie. And remember that you are not alone. You have me, Red, and…even Noble, I suppose.” Even as Jahla said the last part, she couldn’t help but think that having Noble may not be a good thing, depending on what he was hiding.