Chapter 8 #2
I shoved a piece of sushi in my mouth, the familiar flavors exploding on my tongue. My body sang with relief, which only made me angrier.
“You don’t get to decide when I eat,” I said after swallowing.
“Clearly.” His voice was closer now. “Since you’ve decided not eating at all is preferable.”
I refused to turn around, keeping my spine rigid as I ate another piece. “I was handling it.”
“Bullshit.”
Cipher gathered the containers I’d rejected and arranged them on the island beside me. Each one landed with a soft thud that somehow felt accusatory. I kept my eyes fixed on the sushi, refusing to acknowledge him as he moved around my kitchen with infuriating familiarity.
The sound of running water made me glance up. He was filling a glass from my tap.
“Here,” he said, placing the water beside me. “Drink.”
I grabbed another piece of sushi with my chopsticks. “I’m good.”
“You’re dehydrated. Your lips are dry, and you’ve got that pinched look around your eyes.”
“Maybe that’s just my face when you’re around.”
His eyes narrowed. “I know you’d prefer wine, but water is what you need right now.”
“I’m not a child, Cipher,” I snapped. “I don’t need you monitoring my fluid intake.”
“Then stop acting like one.” His voice was level, but there was an edge to it that hadn’t been there before. “Grown-ups feed themselves properly. They hydrate. They don’t starve themselves out of fucking spite.”
I slammed my chopsticks down. “This isn’t about spite!”
“No? Then what is it about, Annie? To me it seems like you’re punishing yourself to prove some kind of point.”
I finally looked at him. Behind the controlled expression, behind the carefully neutral tone, Cipher was furious. His eyes were darker than usual, his posture too rigid.
“You’re angry.”
“No shit. You think I enjoy watching you waste away? That I get some kind of kick out of knowing you’d rather go hungry than accept anything from me?”
His control was slipping, just barely. I could see it in the way his fingers pressed too hard against the countertop, in the slight flush creeping up his neck.
“I didn’t ask you to watch,” I said.
Cipher leaned forward, his eyes locked on mine. “You didn’t have to.”
A complicated knot of emotions caught in my throat. Anger at his presumption. Embarrassment at being caught in my self-destructive spiral. And beneath it all, a treacherous warmth that he still cared enough to be this angry.
I picked up the water glass and took a sip. But only because I was thirsty. Not because he’d ordered me to.
“I’m not skipping meals on purpose,” I said. “Work’s been crazy. Things slip my mind.”
Cipher leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “You’re skipping them on purpose now. You’re actively refusing food to spite me.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? Most of those deliveries you sent back, did you eat afterward? Or did you just go back to work and forget again?”
I remembered turning away the Thai food yesterday, then working straight through until midnight without a single bite. And the breakfast pastries this morning that I’d refused, only to subsist on nothing but coffee and a sad protein bar until now.
“I had things,” I muttered lamely.
“Things. Like that protein bar? The one that constituted your entire fucking lunch?” His eyes narrowed. “Or the half-eaten yogurt from two days ago?”
I pushed the sushi tray away, appetite suddenly gone.
He pushed the tray back toward me. “Eat.”
“You brought the food,” I said. “You can go now.”
Cipher circled the island, his eyes never leaving mine. Each step was deliberate, giving me plenty of time to retreat. I stood my ground instead, gripping the edge of the counter behind me.
“Remember what I told you would happen if you didn’t eat?”
My skin prickled at the tone of his voice. I remembered. God, did I remember. The promise had replayed in my head every time I’d sent a delivery back.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
He stopped directly in front of me and my heart hammered against my ribs. I was caught between the hard edge of the counter and the even harder line of his body.
“Open your mouth, Annie.”
“No.”
His eyes darkened. “Open your fucking mouth.”
“Make me.”
What the fuck was my problem? Why was I antagonizing him?
Cipher’s hand came up to cradle my jaw and his thumb pressed gently against my lower lip. The touch sent electricity skittering across my skin. I hated that my body responded to him so instantly, so completely, when my mind was screaming at me to push him away.
“Last chance,” he murmured.
I kept my lips pressed firmly together, a final act of defiance. His thumb stroked my lip once, twice, and then pressed more insistently.
Cipher picked up a piece of sushi with his free hand and brought it to my lips. “Open.”
My stomach clenched with hunger, and my mouth watered at the proximity of food. I was starving, exhausted, and so tired of fighting him. Fighting myself.
His thumb slipped between my lips, parting them just enough. I could taste the salt of his skin, and something inside me surrendered. My lips parted.
“Good girl,” he whispered, the words ghosting across my skin.
He placed the sushi on my tongue, his fingers lingering a moment too long. I couldn’t look away from his eyes, watching me with an intensity that made my knees weak. I chewed slowly, swallowed, and his gaze tracked the movement of my throat.
His hand remained on my jaw, thumb tracing a path along my cheekbone now. He picked up another piece.
“Again.”
I opened my mouth without protest this time. His fingertips brushed against my lips as he placed the food on my tongue.
I swallowed, and his eyes followed the movement again. His hand slid from my jaw to the nape of my neck, fingers threading through my hair.
“One more,” he said, his voice rougher now.
I took it from his fingers, my lips closing around the tips for just a moment. I heard his sharp intake of breath, felt the slight tightening of his fingers in my hair.
When I finished, I turned my face away, needing to break the spell. “Satisfied?”
His hand dropped away from my neck, and I immediately missed the warmth. “For now.”
I stepped sideways, putting distance between us, trying to ignore how cold I felt without him crowding my space.
“I ate. You can go.”
“Not until you’re finished.”
“This is ridiculous,” I muttered moving to put the island between us again. I picked up my chopsticks and chewed another piece of sushi, the flavors barely registering through my irritation. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“No, you need someone who gives enough of a fuck to make sure you don’t waste away because you’re too stubborn to take care of yourself. Even if that someone is me.”
The sincerity in his voice made something in my chest crack open, a hairline fracture in the wall I’d built between us. I couldn’t meet his eyes.
I stared at the mountain of food he’d laid out instead. It was enough for at least three people, maybe four. The sushi was just the beginning. There were containers of miso soup, tempura vegetables, and what looked like chicken teriyaki.
“You’re not eating?” I asked, gesturing at the spread with my chopsticks.
Cipher shook his head. “Not hungry.”
“So you ordered enough food to feed a small army just for me?” I picked up another piece of sushi, eyeing him suspiciously. “That seems excessive.”
“You need options. And leftovers.”
He wasn’t just feeding me tonight, he was stocking my fridge. Making sure I’d have food tomorrow when he wasn’t here to supervise.
“So you’re just going to stand there and watch me eat?” I asked, trying to sound irritated rather than unsettled.
“Yes.”
“That’s not weird at all.” I chewed slowly, considering him.
There were shadows under his eyes and his jawline looked sharper.
Had he lost weight too? It was hard to tell.
His Super physiology would maintain his muscles without him having to do any work to keep them himself.
But something about him seemed hollowed out.
“What about you?” I asked.
His eyebrow arched. “What about me?”
“Are you eating? Sleeping?” I tried to make it sound accusatory, but the concern leaked through anyway. “Or is this some kind of hypocritical intervention?”
Cipher’s expression didn’t change, but something flickered in his eyes. Surprise, maybe, that I’d asked at all.
“I’m fine.”
“Right. Because that’s totally convincing.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I’m not the one refusing food out of spite.”
I took another bite. “Who’s checking on you? Since you’re so busy monitoring my caloric intake, who’s making sure you’re taking care of yourself?”
For a moment, some fleeting emotion crossed his face, too fast to really figure out quite what it was. Then his expression hardened again.
“Eat your food, Annie.”
But I’d seen it, that flash of something, and I couldn’t unsee it. I couldn’t ignore the realization that maybe no one was checking on him. That maybe he was just as alone as I was, just better at hiding it.
“Eat something. Or I stop eating.”
“I already ate,” he said, his expression shuttering closed.
“Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. That’s bullshit and we both know it.”
“I don’t need you to—“
“What? Care?” I stabbed my chopsticks into the sushi rice like a tiny harpoon. “Too bad. Eat something or I’m done.”
We stared at each other, locked into a standoff over tempura vegetables.
“Why do you care?” Cipher asked, his voice unnervingly soft.
Good question. One I didn’t have a great answer for.
“I don’t,” I lied. “But if you’re going to force-feed me like I’m some kind of invalid, you can at least join me so it feels less like a medical procedure.”
I picked up a piece of tempura sweet potato with my chopsticks and shoved it directly toward his face.
“Open.”
His eyes dropped to the food hovering inches from his mouth, then snapped back up to mine.