Chapter 24 #2
“Trust?” His laugh was bitter. “You’re standing there telling me you’re going to play happy couple with another man, and you want my trust?”
“I’m trying to navigate an impossible situation!”
“No, you’re trying to have it both ways.” He stepped back, creating distance between us that felt wider than the physical space. “You want to keep your perfect reputation and still have me fuck you raw when no one’s looking.”
“What do you want from me?” I asked, my voice barely audible.
His eyes locked with mine, hard and unforgiving. “I want you to choose, Annie. Really choose. Not this half-in, half-out bullshit where you come to me with your legs spread but run back to them when they call.”
The words hit their mark, leaving me bleeding inside.
“What happened to ‘I’ll be whoever you need me to be’?” I demanded, my voice rising with each word. “Was that all bullshit?”
“I’m fucking giving you everything!” Cipher shouted, slamming his fist against the workbench. Metal screeched as the table caved in. “Everything! And what are you giving me in return? Fucking nothing!”
“Nothing?” I spat back. “I’ve given you everything I can! I’ve risked my career, my reputation—”
“When it’s convenient for you! When it doesn’t cost you anything!”
“You told me you didn’t want anything from me,” I reminded him, my voice shaking. “You said you’d take whatever I could give. Was that just another lie? Another manipulation?”
Something flashed in his eyes, a raw, unguarded pain that cut through his anger for just a moment before the fury returned, hotter than before.
“I meant it,” he snarled. “Every fucking word. I would take anything you gave me. I would take scraps. I would take stolen moments. I would take secret meetings in dark corners.”
He stepped closer.
“But I will not take you coming to my bed with another man’s ring on your finger.”
The venom in his voice made me flinch, but I held my ground. “It’s not real!”
“It is to everyone else! It is to him!” Cipher’s face contorted. “Do you think he won’t use this? Do you think he won’t touch you every chance he gets? Put his hands all over what’s mine?”
“I’m not yours,” I shot back automatically.
Cipher went still. Dangerously still. When he spoke again, his voice had dropped to a whisper.
“Then what the fuck are we doing here, Annie?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted, my anger deflating slightly. “I don’t know what we’re doing.”
“I do.” His laugh was bitter, broken. “I’m standing here like a fucking idiot, offering you everything I have, while you decide if I’m worth more than your fear of disapproval.”
“You want me to choose,” I said quietly.
“I want you to choose me.” His voice cracked slightly. “I want to be more important than your precious Alliance. Than your fear of stepping out of line.”
He was asking me to choose between him and my safety net. Between the unknown and the comfortable prison I’d built for myself.
“I need all of you, Annie. Not just the parts you’re willing to give me when no one is looking. If that makes me a liar, fine. But now that you’ve told me you love me, I can’t settle for scraps anymore.”
“So if I hated you, you’d be fine with all of this?” I shot back. “Is that it? You were happy to take whatever I gave you when you thought I hated you, but now that I love you, suddenly it’s not enough?”
Cipher’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Don’t twist my words.”
“I’m not twisting anything. You’re the one changing the rules.” I jabbed a finger at his chest. “You said you’d be whatever I needed. Was that just another lie to get me back in your bed?”
“Fuck you,” he snarled, grabbing my wrist. “I meant every goddamn word. But I didn’t expect you to say you loved me and then turn around and play house with someone else.”
I yanked my arm free. “I’m not playing house! I’m doing my job!”
“Your job includes pretending to marry other men now? Must have missed that in the Keeper handbook.”
“You don’t get it,” I hissed. “Not all of us have the luxury of burning everything down when we don’t get our way.”
Cipher laughed. “Right. Poor Annie, always the victim, never responsible for her own choices.”
“That’s rich coming from you,” I spat. “The man who lied to my face. Who betrayed me to Dread. Who only told me he loved me when it was too late to matter.”
His face went pale. “I know what I did. You think I don’t replay that every single time you look at me with doubt in your eyes?”
“Then how can you ask me to burn my life down for you? After everything you’ve done?”
Cipher’s jaw clenched. The guilt was still there, but desperation quickly swallowed it whole.
“Because I’m trying to fix it. I made a calculation and it was the worst mistake of my fucking life. It almost cost me the only thing I actually care about.”
“And that’s supposed to make me trust you? You want me to give up everything for you when I can’t even trust that you won’t betray me again the second something more important comes along.”
“There’s nothing more important than you.” He leaned his forehead against mine, his breathing ragged. “I’m standing here, begging you to believe that I would burn the League, the Alliance, and the entire goddamn city to the ground before I let anyone hurt you again.”
I pushed at his chest with trembling hands, finally getting some space between us.
“Easy to say when you’re not the one with everything to lose.
If I walk away from the Alliance, what do I have left?
If I tell them all to go to hell like you want, where does that leave me when you decide I’m not worth it anymore? ”
“I would never—”
“You already did! You already chose something else over me. And if I give up everything now, what happens the next time? When I have nothing left to fall back on? When I’m completely at your mercy?”
His hands curled into fists at his sides. “Is that what you think of me? That I’d abandon you?”
“I think you do what benefits you. And right now, having me serves your purposes. But what about when it doesn’t?”
His eyes flashed. “You think I’m just marking time with you? That I’ve got one foot out the door waiting for a better opportunity?”
“I think you want what you can’t have. And once you have me completely, you’ll get bored and move on to the next challenge.”
Cipher moved so fast I barely saw him. Suddenly he was right in front of me, his face inches from mine.
“You want to talk about trust?” he snarled. “How about you trusting that when I say I love you, I fucking mean it? How about you trusting that I’m not playing some elaborate game?”
“Trust is earned,” I whispered. “And you haven’t earned it back yet.”
His eyes searched mine, looking for something I wasn’t sure I could give.
A sharp chime sounded and Cipher glared at the monitor on his workbench.
“The Syndicate,” he muttered, his expression darkening further. He stalked over to his workbench and jabbed at the screen. I quickly stepped out of the camera’s view, wrapping my arms around myself as if I could physically hold my emotions in check.
The screen revealed a shadowy figure, their features obscured by digital distortion.
“Cipher,” the modulated voice greeted coldly. “We’ve received concerning information.”
“Have you?” Cipher’s tone was dangerously casual. “Do enlighten me.”
“The Alliance has informed us of Keeper Bishop’s engagement to Valor. They’ve expressed concerns about potential... interference from you.”
I hugged myself tighter, my nails digging into my arms. Of course the Alliance had contacted the Syndicate. They were covering all their bases.
“Interference?”
“You are expressly forbidden from engaging with Valor or interfering with Alliance business regarding him and Keeper Bishop.”
“Forbidden?” The word dripped with contempt. “Since when does the Syndicate dictate my personal affairs?”
“This is not a negotiation,” the distorted voice replied, colder than before. “This directive comes from the highest level.”
“The Council,” Cipher said flatly.