Chapter 32 #2
The same moment that had nearly taken Annie from me had also revealed my most carefully guarded secret to her. Dread had managed to fuck me over in more ways than one.
I deactivated the scanner and turned to face her, letting my fingers trail up her arm. I’d done enough thinking back on that fucking day. “Now that I’ve shown you, can we get back to the distraction I was hoping for?”
I watched Annie’s expression shift from fascination to suspicion, her brow creasing as she processed what I’d just revealed.
“Not so fast,” she said. “What doctor agreed to do something like that? You would have had to be fairly young when you tried out for the League. And I’m assuming you had it implanted before you started the program.”
I ran a hand through my hair, suddenly finding the technical readouts on my secondary monitor fascinating. “I was nineteen when I designed the implant, right before I entered training.”
“And the doctor?” she pressed.
“Dr. Smith implanted it,” I admitted.
“Dr. Smith,” she said slowly. Then her eyes widened. “You did it yourself? At nineteen? Are you insane?”
“Technically,” I said, raising a finger, “I built a robot to do it. So technically, the robot did it.”
Annie just stared at me, her expression a perfect blend of horror and disbelief. She tilted her head, eyes narrowing slightly.
“Do you have any other implants I should know about?”
“Besides those? No, none that you should know about,” I replied, aiming for a light tone that might defuse her growing suspicion. The masking implants were one thing. They were a necessity for maintaining my cover. But the others...
“That wasn’t the correct answer,” she said flatly. “What else have you put in your body?”
Her genuine concern made me pause. I’d never had someone worry about me this way before. It was nice.
Uncomfortable, but nice.
I debated whether it was in my best interest to tell her about the other big implant.
On one hand, she’d probably be furious. On the other hand, she’d definitely find out eventually and be even more furious that I hadn’t told her.
Annie had an uncanny knack for discovering my secrets.
And keeping things from her hadn’t exactly worked out well for me in the past.
Would telling her about the Hammer make things better or worse?
I realized Annie wasn’t going to let this go. Her stubbornness was one of the things I admired about her, even when it was inconvenient for me.
“Fine. There are a few other small implants,” I admitted, pointing out a barely visible line on my forearm. “This one connects to my central computer system. You’ve actually seen it in action before, when I pull up displays when not near a console.”
Annie’s eyes widened. “I thought that was part of your suit’s technology. Maybe something to do with your tattoos.”
“The suit enhances it, but the base capability is here.” I tapped my arm. “It’s mostly for convenience. When inspiration strikes at 3 AM, I don’t have to get out of bed.”
She shook her head slowly. “What else?”
“There’s an optical implant,” I continued, pointing to my right eye. “It interfaces with my main computer systems as well. Basically gives me a heads-up display when I need it.”
“And a real doctor did that one?” she asked skeptically.
“Yes, actually. A proper ophthalmologist with terrible ethics but excellent surgical skills. He retired to a private island shortly after. Unrelated, of course.”
“You’re still not telling me everything,” she said finally, crossing her arms.
This woman would be the death of me—or at the very least, the death of all my secrets. I weighed my options, going through the risks and benefits in a fraction of a second.
“Fine,” I conceded. “There’s one more.” I hesitated, then added, “It’s the Tinkerer’s Hammer.”
Annie’s expression shifted instantly to shocked. “The Hammer? You implanted the Hammer? Inside yourself?” Her voice rose with each word, ending on a note that made me wince.
“I modified it,” I explained, extending my right arm and tapping on the spot it was located. “I miniaturized the core components and integrated them directly into my skeletal structure. The Hammer itself is now essentially part of me.”
Annie’s mouth fell open, her eyes wide.
“This way I don’t have to worry about not having it when I need it,” I continued, flexing my fingers as the energy from the Hammer flowed through them.
“I can access and control it with just a thought. The physical Hammer was just a conduit, what mattered was the energy matrix inside it. I’ve simplified the interface and improved the efficiency by about 300 percent. ”
“The Tinkerer’s Hammer is inside you?” Annie finally managed, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes,” I replied matter-of-factly. “Is this a problem?”
“You put...” she started, then stopped, shaking her head slightly. “You took one of the most powerful artifacts in the world and surgically implanted it. Into your arm.”
I shrugged. “It seemed like the most practical solution.”
Annie spun away from me, her body language transforming from shock to fury in an instant. She began pacing back and forth across my lab, her steps quick and agitated. Each turn was sharp, her hands gesturing wildly as her voice rose.
“Are you completely out of your mind?” she demanded, not waiting for an answer. “You put experimental technology inside your body? Multiple times? Without proper medical supervision?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but she cut me off with a slashing motion of her hand.
“No! Don’t you dare try to explain this away with some genius-level rationalization bullshit!
” Her eyes flashed dangerously. “You implanted the Tinkerer’s Hammer—one of the most powerful and unpredictable artifacts in existence—into your arm like it’s some kind of upgrade for your computer!
Do you have any idea what could have happened? ”
She spun to face me, her cheeks flushed. “You could have died! The Hammer could have destabilized, or your body rejected it, or—or— I don’t even know! Did you even consider that before you decided to play mad scientist on yourself?”
“I calculated the risks—” I began.
“Oh, you calculated the risks,” she mimicked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Well, that makes it all better then! Cipher calculated the goddamn risks before performing experimental surgery on himself with fucking stolen technology!”
She resumed pacing, running her hands through her hair. “And those other implants? At nineteen? You built a robot to cut into you and place foreign objects into your body? What kind of—” She seemed to struggle for words strong enough. “—reckless, self-destructive behavior is that?”
I stood frozen, genuinely unsure how to respond. I’d anticipated surprise, maybe concern, but not this level of emotional reaction.
“You’re so brilliant,” she continued, “and so damn careless with yourself. It’s like you don’t even—“ She stopped abruptly, pressing her lips together. Her voice caught on her last words, and I realized she was on the verge of tears.
“You don’t even care if you hurt yourself,” she said, her voice breaking. “You see something you want to do, and you just do it. Consequences be damned.”
I moved toward her, reaching out to pull her close. “Annie, it’s not like that.”
She shoved against my chest, hard enough that I actually took a step back. “No,” she snapped, tears now visibly welling in her eyes. “You can’t just charm your way out of this.”
“I’m not trying to—“
“Listen to me,” she interrupted, jabbing a finger toward me. “This,” she gestured wildly at me, “not caring if you hurt yourself or kill yourself is a deal breaker for me.”
A deal breaker. The phrase triggered a cold spike of panic.
Losing her was unacceptable. I would slaughter half the city before I let her walk away from me over a piece of hardware in my arm.
But the realization that she was threatening to leave because she actually cared about my survival paralyzed me.
“I do care,” I said quietly. “But I’ve never had to consider how my choices might affect someone else.”
I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. Something that would make her understand without dismissing her feelings.
“Annie, all of this,” I gestured to my arm where the masking implant was hidden, “That happened before you. Before us. The implants to hide what I am were a necessity. I wouldn’t have survived intact otherwise.
” I paused, searching her face. “And everything else? No one cared about me when they happened.”
Annie jabbed her finger directly at my right arm, toward where the Hammer was implanted.
“That happened when I cared about you. I may have been angry and half-way hated you, but I cared.” A tear escaped, trailing down her cheek. “I always cared, you idiot.”
“Annie,” I said softly, stepping toward her slowly, giving her every opportunity to back away if she wanted.
This time, she didn’t push me away. She stood there, tears streaming down her face, looking simultaneously furious and vulnerable. I reached up carefully, brushing my thumbs across her cheeks to wipe away the tears.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, meaning it more deeply than I’d expected. “I never thought about how my actions would affect you because I’ve never had anyone who cared enough to be affected.”
Her eyes searched mine, still wary but softening around the edges.