Chapter 3 The Beginning of the End
What time is it? The sun is shining so bright already and, shit, my entire body hurts.
Stretching my legs out, my foot hits into another leg—a hairy leg—it’s Sivan’s, and he’s fast asleep beside me.
What the…? Holy shit, that was real? The pain in my lower half, combined with the fact that he’s sleeping next to me in bed, wearing nothing but his underwear, tells me that what happened with Sivan last night was very real.
What does this mean for us? What if he wakes up and he’s disgusted?
I mean, we didn’t even talk after we had sex.
We just cleaned off in the bathroom without saying a word.
Well, now that I think about it, he did ask if I was feeling okay after, but I think I just nodded at him.
Then, we shared a few more soft kisses, laid down in bed, and fell asleep shortly after.
I can still taste him on my lips—I can still feel him moving inside of me, the sweat dripping from his body, as he pounded me. I’d never felt so free, and so vulnerable. That’s what sex is supposed to feel like—it felt kind of like I was giving a piece of myself to him.
But how did this happen? How did I never realize that I was attracted to him until yesterday?
Has some part of me always wanted him? I want to talk to him, but I should let him sleep, and I’m really not ready to get out of bed anyway.
Gently, I pull the covers up a bit higher—oh my God, the scent of our sex is lingering on my sheets.
Sivan shuffles a bit and scoots closer to me. “Mmmm…the sun is so bright. Tilly, close the drapes… I don’t want to get up,” he whines.
“Tilly?” I ask with a chuckle. “You think you’re in your own bed?
Your maid isn’t here.” Sivan isn’t reacting at all to what I said.
That was incredibly stupid of me. Why was that the first thing I chose to say the morning after having sex with my best friend?
The first words I spoke to him were that? God help me.
He lets out a light laugh. “I definitely know I’m not in my own bed.
But I could almost feel your overthinking and thought it would be funny to tease you a bit.
” He turns toward me and stares into my eyes—there’s a softness in them that I’ve never seen before.
“I know where I am. I’m in the bed of my best friend…
and we…” his voice trails off, and we’re both just staring at one another.
It’s safe to say we’ve both realized that there’s much more at stake here than just a simple lay.
That was not just sex…that was everything.
But there’s so much riding on this that neither of us are making a move.
Still, I need to know how he feels, even if I am afraid of what he might say.
“Sivan, I…yesterday, before you got here…” I pause, unsure if telling him everything is really what’s best.
He’s rubbing my cheek with the back of his hand. Why is he being so gentle with me? I’ve never seen him treat any girl this way…let alone me. Am I dreaming? Is that what’s happening?
“Shhh, we don’t have to talk about it,” he says softly, cupping my face in his hand.
“Okay, but what does this mean? Are we going to be a couple? We can’t do that.”
Sivan pulls his head back as if that was the craziest thing he’s ever heard, and, honestly, I don’t blame him. What would make me even think that? He’s never even been in a relationship. But still, there’s a part of me that wishes he hadn’t made that face.
Quickly, I try to rebound. “No, no, that’s ridiculous. Of course, we can’t be a couple. Let’s just forget all about it. We can pretend last night didn’t happen.”
Those words…how could I say them? That’s the last thing I want right now, but what was I supposed to say? That look he gave me, I’m sure this is what he wants.
“Forget all about it?” he asks. “Why would you say that to me? Is that what you want? You want to forget about it?” He removes his hand from my face and lies on his back, draping his arm across his forehead.
“How can you even suggest that? You’re my best friend…
Why would you? I’m so fucking confused right now, Vincent.
” He looks angry or hurt, maybe both. I can’t tell if he’s sad, or if he’s just pissed off.
“I don’t know, Sivan. I’m confused, too. I’ve never done that before. Have you?”
He sits up quickly and looks at me with his eyebrow bent half down his face.
“What do you think?” he asks me in a mocking sort of tone, one that I’m much more familiar with.
“Have I ever told you that I did? No, because I haven’t.
Fuck. This is…” He lies back down and exhales.
“How do you feel?” he asks, his tone soft again.
I let out an exaggerated laugh. “Well, I don’t feel great. I’m just really confused, and yeah, my ass has definitely seen better days.”
“Sorry about that.”
“No, don’t be sorry about it, I wanted it. I just don’t really know what comes next. What do you want? Do you want to—I don’t know what I’m even asking you.”
He turns on his side to face me. “What? Do I want to what? Finish your question. You just basically said it would be ridiculous for us to be together, which was something I was thinking about for quite some time last night, while you were asleep. Now, you’re sitting here looking at me like you’re the one whose feelings are hurt. What do you want me to say right now?”
I have to try and reply rationally, even though it feels like every muscle in my body is pulling me toward him.
“Well, I guess we probably just need some time to think things over. I mean, we should just go on about our days like we normally would and see what happens.” Saying those words was painful; it feels like my father sliced through my stomach with Gwendolyn and the sword is twisting deep within me.
“So, you want me to just spend the next four days with you and not talk about what we did? I can’t do that. How the hell could I, Vincent? Could you go on as if nothing happened?”
“I—”
Our conversation is interrupted by two loud knocks on the door. “Vincent, I’m coming in!”
“No!” I shout. “Sheena, don’t! I’m not dressed!”
The door opens, and Harlow’s mother, Sheena, comes in with her eyes closed. “Calm down, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I’ll keep my eyes closed, but you need to get up. Everyone’s in a tizzy, thought you’d gone missing like Sivan.”
I silently mouth to Sivan to hide, although I have no idea where he could go.
His arms are crossed, and he isn’t moving—I can’t tell if he’s being an asshole, or if he honestly has no idea where to go.
He’s just lying in my bed, looking at me like he doesn’t care if she sees him.
Meanwhile, I’m having trouble breathing over here. Shit, what do I do?
Sheena has made her way inside my bathroom, she’s looking for something. I hope she doesn’t see Sivan’s clothes. I have no idea where they ended up.
“I need your coat from last night,” she says. “Wait… What is that smell?” Her voice is getting closer—she’s coming out of the bathroom. “That doesn’t smell like your cologne.”
Quickly, I pull the comforter over Sivan, and just in the nick of time, too. She narrows her eyes at me, trying to look past me.
“Get out! I didn’t even say that you could come in! I’m not dressed, and it’s making me uncomfortable having you in here!”
She’s always taken liberties coming in and out of my room. She’s responsible for making sure my meeting attire is ready, amongst other things, but in reality, I’m sure she’s just here to snoop.
She tilts her head at me, silently studying the human sized lump on my bed.
“Unbelievable that you would bring a girl here and let her stay the night with you. Your father will hear of this, and I hope that little slut in there with you knows her place. “Whatever she’s after, it ends today, just like every other girl. You’re lucky Harlow is so forgiving of all this behavior.
Once you’re married, things will change. ”
“Get out! Who do you think you’re talking to? I will never marry Harlow, and you are not my fucking mother!”
“What?!” Harlow’s voice screams through the closed door.
Sivan is so still, and I have no idea what he’s feeling right now. Damn it, I can’t have Harlow coming in here, too. I’m already trying to get rid of her mother.
Sheena is still studying the bed from a distance. Harlow’s voice didn’t seem to shock her, so she must have been out there the whole time.
“I’m not coming in!” Harlow calls through the door. “I just stopped by to see if you were here. Do you know who Sivan went home with? His father said he didn’t come back last night. Everyone assumed you two probably passed out somewhere.”
Sivan’s hand has made its way to my thigh under the covers, and he’s gently squeezing it. I let out a yelp, one that I couldn’t hold in. I hate being so ticklish.
“You need to get dressed and get that girl out of here, whoever she is,” Sheena snaps at me, then turns toward the door.
“Meetings start within the hour. By the way, that cologne, if that’s what you wore last night, it smells terrible, so surely that thing in your bed is of lower class if she liked that. ”
“What?!” Sivan shrieks from under the covers as the door opens.
Harlow nearly falls in while her mother quickly turns on her heel and stares at my bed.
“Please go,” I say.
Both Harlow and her mother leave without any more words spoken between us.
Sivan pulls the covers off his head and looks up at me, frustration clear on his face. “Why would she say that about my cologne? I’m no common whore.”
Without hesitation, I lean down and press my mouth to his. I have no idea what I’m doing, but holy shit—kissing him feels just as amazing as it did last night.
His strong hands move to hold my face, and our kiss quickly turns ravenous. “I want to do it again,” he whispers, gently gripping a section of my hair.