Chapter 6 We’re Pirates, Vincent #4
“Well, if you say you can fix it, then let’s not talk about it anymore,” he says. “All this talk about her has exhausted me, well, that and the sex. I don’t want to keep going over it.”
“Tch…Who’s in charge here? You or me? I thought in a relationship one person is in charge, like the captain?”
“No one is in charge, and what even is our relationship? You haven’t told me.
What are we calling this? Will we ever be able to have a real relationship?
I’m afraid that we’ll always have to hide this.
But keeping it hidden means that you won’t suffer, it means that you’ll be protected.
It means that our fathers’ lives won’t be ruined, the trade alliance will remain strong… it means all of those things, but I—”
I cut him off quickly. “Then what am I to you? You expected to come here and have me agree to be your secret—whatever, then you don’t want to talk about it, and now you’re asking me what our relationship is.
What the hell am I supposed to do with all of this, Vincent?
” Damn it, I’m crying. I didn’t want to cry.
Why does this keep happening to me? I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to hold the tears back, but I can’t.
“No. You can’t be crying. Why are you so upset?” He flips his legs out of bed, and walks toward me, quickly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. How did I make you so upset?”
“Why am I so upset? I want to be with you. You’re making me pour my feelings out, feelings that I don’t understand and have never felt before, that’s why I’m crying.
I’m so frustrated. I want to be the one standing by your side.
She doesn’t deserve that.” I swallow hard, trying to compose myself. “She can’t have you.”
He’s wiping the corners of my eyes. “She could never.”
Vincent’s pants are at the foot of the bed, his phone is ringing loudly from within the pocket. He closes his eyes and doesn’t bother trying to look at it, ignoring the incessant ringing.
“Probably her,” I sigh. “I’m gonna get in the shower and cool off. You wanna join me?”
“You and me, naked and wet, yes.”
I grab two towels out from beneath the vanity, hanging them on both hooks outside of the shower.
I’ve never put a second towel out for anyone before.
There were times I’d look at that hook and wonder what the hell its purpose was.
It always felt so silly having an extra hook there.
It was empty and just looked out of place.
It’s weird because the bathroom has always felt like it was missing something, but now, looking at the two navy blue towels side by side, there’s something strangely comforting about it.
I can see its purpose. It’s like a puzzle piece just fell into place.
Has he always been the missing piece for me?
As I try to understand my feelings, old memories rapidly resurface—memories of the fun we’ve always had—but they look different now, they’ve changed.
Before, I just saw Vincent, my best friend, and now I see him.
I see his dimples, his gorgeous white smile, I hear his infectious laugh, and I’m starting to realize that I’ve only ever been truly happy when he’s around.
I thought I only wanted to protect him because we’d slept together, that the sex had changed me, but no, it didn’t, I’ve always felt this way.
I just couldn’t see it. I was so programmed to like girls, that if I had just taken a step back and thought for myself, I would have realized sooner.
I feel Vincent’s hands on my waist and his forehead pressed in between my shoulders. He kisses my back softly. “You okay?”
I turn around and wrap him in my arms, and he nuzzles his face against my chest. All the uncertainty I feel melts away when I hold him like this, chest to chest, skin to skin…
it’s so comforting. I can feel his heart beating against me, and for some reason, it soothes me.
Tracing his back with my fingers, I murmur, “I thought you were the weak one.”
“What?” He laughs. “More like I’m weak for you.
I don’t think you understand what you’ve done to me.
If I’m weak it’s your fault.” He kisses my chest. “I tried to think of anything else when you were gone, but everything came back to you. Nothing felt right without you.” He lifts his head from my chest and holds my waist. He’s looking at me with the same look he gets before he has a really bad idea.
“Can’t we just pretend nothing is happening and just be together in secret?
Can’t we do that? Just—who cares about Harlow and the engagement?
She doesn’t want my love or the attention; she just wants the appearance. I want to be with you.”
“That’s a terrible idea. Why should she get to stand beside you? That’s not the answer.”
He sighs. “I know, I know. Let’s just shower, maybe after we’re clean we’ll think better.”
After I get the water nice and hot, we both step inside, sliding the glass door closed. I pass him a washcloth from the shower caddy. “Thanks,” he says.
With Vincent in front of me, I grab the shampoo and clean my hair, then pass the bottle to him. He squeezes some out and starts lathering up. He looks so cute with all the suds from the shampoo in his hair. I chuckle a bit, and he peeks an eye open while the bubbles run down the side of his face.
“What? What happened?” he asks, wiping the suds from his eye with the back of his hand.
“Nothing, I can’t believe that you’re in the shower with me, and just—everything. I think I laughed because I’m just so happy with you near me.” I scrub myself with the soapy cloth, washing every piece, under Vincent’s gaze.
We’re eyeing each other’s bodies, silently. The dark hair on Vincent’s legs is even sexier when he’s wet; how is that possible? How can leg hair look sexy?
“I’m happy, too,” he says, “but you know, I realized why I don’t know how to fix this situation. I think I figured out what’s missing.”
Once I finish scrubbing my body down, I stand under the shower head, rinsing all the soap off. “What’s missing?”
He shows me his forearms. “The tattoos. If only I had the tattoos, I’d know how to fix this.”
“You’re a genius, I hadn’t even thought of that.”
We both laugh as I try to swap places with him, so he can rinse under the shower head.
Brushing past each other is a bit tight, because whoever made this shower did not do so with the intention that two men would be using it at the same time.
I don’t know how I’m expected to keep my hands to myself when his naked body is this close to mine.
He turns to the side with his ass facing me, shimmying past me sideways.
My dick brushes over his ass, while the water rains over our bodies.
He pauses for a moment, and I hold him gently in place.
The water suddenly turns cold, and Vincent is still covered in soap.
“Cold, cold, cold, holy shit! Why is the water cold?!” he shouts.
I press the handle all the way to hot, as far as it will go, and it helps to warm the water, but barely. “Ah, sorry! I have no idea. Just rinse off, and I’ll let you borrow some clothes when you’re finished.”
When I open the shower door and grab my towel, I see his towel there, alone on the hook, and I instantly feel cold. I really don’t want him to leave tonight, but what are we gonna do about everything? I mean, would it really be so bad if everyone found out about us?
With a towel wrapped around my waist, I walk quickly inside Sivan’s room.
He’s standing near his dresser in a pair of black sweatpants, and he’s shirtless—damn, his body is incredible.
I could stare at him all night… Shit, I just realized I don’t have anything clean to wear, and I haven’t even asked him if I could sleep over.
He smiles at me, eyeing my chest while I look helplessly around the room. “You’re probably cold,” he says, before pulling a dresser drawer open.
Do I ask him if I can stay the night? We’ve both said we don’t want to be without each other, so maybe asking is stupid. Still, we haven’t exactly defined what we are to one another, and that’s okay, because I really don’t know what to call it. Whatever I suggest will probably be wrong, anyway.
“Are you staying the night with me?” he asks. “Or do you want to go back to your ship?”
Thank God I didn’t have to ask. “I want to stay with you. I don’t want to go back there.
If the ceremony wasn’t at the end of the week, I’d be tempted to just go back home with you, and tell my father I need a break, call off the thing with Harlow, and see how things play out.
But then I’d still have to pretend that we were just friends.
Plus, all the shit with the Captain Slicer rumors would still have to be dealt with.
There’s so much going on right now, and I just want to focus on us. ”
He’s still digging around in his drawers.
“I thought you were gonna say that you wanted to leave. I was fully prepared to beg.” He pumps his eyebrows at me.
“I have to dry my hair real fast, before we get into bed.” Sivan hands me a pair of sweatpants like his, but gray.
“Do you want underwear, too, or just go without tonight?”
I don’t even know what the right thing to say is.
On one hand I’m free-balling in his sweats, and on the other I’m wearing his underwear.
“Hmm…I don’t usually sleep with underwear on, unless I pass out or something.
” He nods at me with a smile that I can’t quite read.
Sometimes I hate not being better at reading people.
Why does it come so naturally to others?
“If you change your mind or decide you want a shirt, the top drawer has underwear, and shirts are in the middle drawer.”
“Thanks. Sorry I didn’t bring any extra clothes with me.”