Chapter 29 OLIVIA #2
“You know,” she laughs manically. “Boys like them always get what they want. And sometimes they're so brazen about showing off the fact that they’re pieces of shit. I don’t know what I ever saw in football boys.
They’re all fucking trashcans if you ask me.
” She steps, but not toward me, away from me.
“And you know, I do really love you, Liv. I do. You really are a good friend to me and maybe I’m the one who hasn’t been the best. But let’s face it, you just want to run off with Trace and live your happy fucking life. There’s no room for me there.”
My heart reaches my throat and I have to force myself to react calmly.
“That’s not true. I want you in my life, Seren. I just want to know what’s going on right now so if you can just step away from the cliff, Se,” I beg as I take a few more careful steps toward her. Just a few more and I can grab her.
The snow melts against the rocks of the cliff, creating a slippery slope to navigate but I just have to keep breathing and stay calm. She’s not going to fall.
“You know I loved him, Liv?” she asks and curiosity stops me in my pursuit of her.
I pinch my brows as I wait for her to continue.
“Yeah, we were supposed to be endgame but just like everyone else, he couldn’t give up his precious football to afford me a single fucking moment of his life.
It’s why I rushed into securing that apartment for you and I, because I wanted to get the fuck out of here, Liv.
But it’s not enough, you know?” she pauses and the sounds of wind screeches against my ears.
“I just want to be happy. I just want to live without feeling like I’m some kind of burden.
Like I’m not just pretending to like doing whatever the fuck this is called,” she waves her hands around in the air, and I watch her.
Nothing she’s saying is making any sense to me, her voice is broken, her words seem frantic, and her demeanor is chillingly calm. She’s not being dramatic. Something is really haunting her. And I dip my head, recognizing the familiarity in it.
Declan. He had this same look in his eyes just hours ago.
“What are you talking about?” I question, taking another careful step toward her.
“Your brother, Olivia. Isn’t it obvious?
” Confusion bubbles in my chest at her admission and I can make out the pain laced in her tone.
“But even after he broke up with that prissy bitch, Natasha, he still couldn't seem to commit to just me. He said it’s too complicated with football and he doesn’t want to break my heart.
But doesn’t he realize that that is what he’s doing right now?
I mean, why are men so weird? I’d literally follow him around the world if he just told me he wanted to be with me. ”
“My brother?” I say, my words fading in a whisper, enveloped in a maelstrom of so many mixed emotions.
No. She’s not telling the truth. She’s talking about being in love with my brother? Shock covers my face, my heart beat racing with the wind when I take in what she just laid out for me.
She- she’s in love with Declan?
“Yeah,” she sighs deeply. “Turns out you aren’t the only one who broke our little pact, babes.
But at the end of the day, I know that Deck never took me as seriously as Trace takes you.
I can see it, you know? The way he looks at you.
That’s the kind of love I want. I want true undisputable, uncontrollable love. ”
“You can have that, Seren, you can. But you need to step down from this cliff.”
She sighs, her shoulders dropping. “Do you think anyone would really miss me? Truly, madly, miss me?”
“I would miss you. Alli and Trace would miss you. And I think Declan would miss you, too Ser. The whole town would mourn your death,” I say, knowing in my heart that her absence would rock the town. And now I can see that his intention really is to garner that emotion.
“But Tyre wouldn’t. Tyre or Broden and Jett.
And Natasha would be happy to get rid of me.
She wouldn’t have to compete with me for you brother but then again, he actually dated her.
I was just a secret he kept lying around.
And I’m sure my parents would give a rat’s ass less what happens to me.
So maybe being mourned wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Maybe I really should just disappear.”
There’s a sinister layer to her words and I can practically feel her wicked grin reach me and my stomach churns.
Nausea crawls up my throat, causing me to choke lightly on my next breath.
Whatever this is, it’s not funny though I can tell she’s being serious.
Whatever she is doing has to stop. I push down any dubiety I carry, needing to focus on getting her off this cliff.
“Please come down, Ser. We can talk about this back at the cabin,” I encourage her, knowing that whatever battles she faces, I can help her through it.
I reach for her, but she swings.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” She falls back, tripping over a rock, but she rebalances herself while my heart drops to my stomach in fear.
This is not good.
“Seren, please stop this,” I beg, feeling the sting of tears bubble in my eyes. “Let’s go get Trace. He loves you. I love you. You need to come down. We can fix this.” My chest caves, I feel so much pain radiate from the girl with the biggest laugh, the brightest smile, the loudest personality.
I want to know what’s going on in her head. I want to help her understand what she’s worth, that she’s worth so much more than what she’s doing to herself now.
I attempt to reach out for her again, this time taking a big step closer to her and I grab her, wrapping my hand around her wrist.
“Get off me,” she shouts through gritted teeth, but I’m possessed. All I can think about is getting her away from this cliff, walking her away from a mistake she’s making.
“Please,” I cry, fighting against her as she tries to yank free. Both of us trying to gain control, fear and desperation tangle in my chest as my heart thunders.
I try to gain my footing, wanting to plant my feet to the ground so that I can pull her into me. She groans and tugs and fights and I cry and tug and fight.
Suddenly, my feet slip out from underneath me, Seren yanks her arms from my grip and as I hit the ground a horrifying scream penetrates the sky, echoing against the vast darkness, wrapping around the trees and vibrating the earth below.
It’s piercing, harrowing, haunted.
I jump up, careful not to slip on the melted snow beneath me, panic curdling in my core as I look out and see that Seren is gone.
She’s gone.
My body breaks down, my eyes going wide and my mouth parting in disbelief.
“No, no, no, no,” I chant over and over and over as I feel the burn of my deprived lungs in my chest, my throat swelling with shock, my heart shattering in my chest.
“Seren?” I shout, hoping that she’s hanging down below, that she caught herself. But I can't get too close or I could fall. “Seren?!”
I can’t move. I can’t breathe. My head starts to spin as sobs threaten to consume me, overcome by too much all at once. Everything gets fuzzy, the wind starts to feel like fire, the night sky fades from blue to absolute, terrorizing black and it feels like it could swallow me.
And then, I let go. I drop to the ground—hands and knees—folded over in agony as I inhale deeply and let it all out, screaming with the force of a tornado, feeling every bone in my body shatter, every vein in my body burst.
I crawl forward, my body shaking from the pain. Tears pour from my eyes like a brutal rain falling from treacherous storm clouds, and as my hand and knees scrape against the rocks, everything goes numb.
And when I open my eyes again, when I find the courage to breathe, I…
A shriek escapes me, ripped from my chest as I fold over in the chair, the tape at my wrist digging into my skin as my body is overcome with pain, and grief, and betrayal.
I killed her.
I killed Seren.
All this time, it was me who caused death to find her. I caused her to fall.
There was a time where me claiming to not remember the night when being questioned by police was deemed an assumption of guilt. They thought I had something to hide because I was pretending to not recall the night. Eventually, the questioning stopped and I can’t say I really know why.
But as everything falls back into place—a vortex of devastation and heartache and pain and fear and grief opening up and releasing onto me—that whole weekend is now a movie in my mind.
Playing on repeat. And they’re right. I did have something to hide.
I am guilty. I forced her to her fall, I caused her death.
“It’s all my fault,” I cry out loud, my voice hoarse and cracking underneath the tape, knowing that no one is listening. Knowing that I’m all alone.
Just like Seren was.
And after what Trace shared with me, after putting it all together, I know what caused her to feel that way. I know why Declan had been spiraling too. It was that party. She was raped. And betrayed. And she was alone. She had no one there for her. And she wanted to take her own life.
But I was the one who sent her over the edge.
Me.
Suddenly, the sound of groans and heavy breathing reaches my ears, causing my heart to seize and I force myself to calm down, swallowing my harrowing cries.
I hear the door swing open and I’m greeted with a gust of cold wind and what sounds like muffled cries. I stay as still as possible, eager to keep my ears trained and hoping that maybe they’ll think I’m asleep or passed out.
I hear a thud hit the floor and then a groan. And then, my heart stops when I can make out the familiar voice.
“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
A chill runs down my spine and suddenly, I trash. Desperate to get out of this bind.
I hear a gasp, and cries, and then footsteps rush over to me.