CHAPTER TWELVE
Colors and lights burst in the dim sky.
Awed ooohs and ahhhs sounded from the nearby campfire. I sat a short distance away, on the ground, my arms wrapped around my knees. Like everyone else, I’d tipped my head back to watch the fireworks.
Twilight clung to the horizon, and the smell of hamburgers still lingered on the warm air.
I sat apart from my family, close enough to listen to their scattered conversations, but far enough that I wouldn’t poison their happiness.
Even now, beneath all the pretty lights, I was consumed by Lucifer.
Wondering where he was. Worrying about what he was doing.
Had he used the Horn? Was the apocalypse about to begin?
Or maybe it already had.
My mood darkened even more at the thought.
I held my knees harder as the sky exploded with glitter and stars, and a delayed boom shook the air.
Matthew squealed and reached his small arms upward, as if he could catch one of the falling lights.
I watched him and thought about how much I had to lose if Lucifer pulled off whatever he was planning.
“The alcohol and general merriment is that way,” a familiar voice said from behind me. “Why are you over here?”
I tried to think of a sarcastic response, but nothing came to me. There was only the painful truth, lodged somewhere under my heart like a splinter.
“It feels wrong,” I admitted, keeping my eyes on the sky.
Laurie didn’t ask what I meant. I sensed him settle on the ground beside me, and I hid a faint pulse of surprise—I didn’t need to look to know he was wearing nice pants.
Usually Laurie would rather die than ruin an outfit.
He stretched one leg out and bent the other, propping his wrist on top of it.
A drink rested in the grass between us. He must’ve set it down without my noticing.
“Is your town aware that it’s August?” Laurie asked, arching his head back to watch the show.
I made an amused sound. “The fireworks are part of the Carnation Festival. It’s nearby.”
Laurie was silent for a moment. I rested my cheek on my knee and studied him.
More fireworks burst in the sky, and the flares lit up his beautiful face like stage lights.
His expression was softer than usual, not quite sorrowful, but just on the edge of it.
“I won’t give you some tedious, sentimental speech about how the werewolf would’ve wanted you to be happy,” Laurie said.
“What I will say is that I barely spent any time with the mutt, and even I know that if he were here, he’d be giving you those annoying puppy-dog eyes. ”
I knew he was right, but I didn’t move. “What are you doing here?” I asked eventually.
Laurie tilted his head and gave me a sidelong glance. “Oh, just making sure you’re not about to lose your grip on reality, is all.”
“I’m not crazy. The voices tell me I am entirely sane,” I countered. It was a weak joke, but Laurie still grinned. I couldn’t bring myself to smile back. My voice was soft as I said, “You never responded to my text.”
His throat moved as if he was swallowing a sigh. The second I saw that, I knew Laurie hadn’t come with good news.
“That’s why I’m here, actually. I’ve been looking into it. Well, more accurately, the people on my payroll have been looking into it.” Laurie’s voice was low, and he spoke quickly. His eyes were on Matthew, who had ventured closer as he followed a firefly. Danny wasn’t far behind.
I waited until the pair were out of earshot again before I turned back to Laurie. My stomach was heavy with dread. “We both know there’s only one reason he wanted that Horn. Angels would definitely know where to find Olorel’s grave, right?”
“Amongst many other things, yes. But the Dark Prince could have something else in mind. My mother has a very, very long memory. She told me, once, that angel blood is rumored to lend power to anyone who consumes it. Knowledge.” Laurie tossed the rest of his drink back.
“The last people to guzzle angel blood were Adam and Eve, and we all know how that turned out, of course.”
I frowned. “Wait. Adam and Eve? They killed an angel?”
Laurie frowned back, as if he was confused by the question.
“Yes. What do you—Oh. Most mortals believe the nonsense about fruit. Much prettier story, I’ll give you that.
The truth is those insipid humans wanted to know what was outside the Garden, so they killed an original to find out.
This occurred after the Fall, of course.
My mother claims there was a rumor amongst the angels that Lucifer was the one who told Eve the secret.
They say he went to her in a dream, appearing as a snake. ”
Lucifer. I hadn’t managed to forget him, not for one second, but hearing his name out loud brought all my fear back.
It brought the guilt back, too. I turned from Laurie and looked up at the sky again.
I’d stopped seeing the fireworks, though.
Now I just saw the devil’s face, and I heard his voice as he said, It’s going to be glorious watching you burn.
Laurie’s voice was soft. “We don’t blame you. None of us do.”
I began to ask which part they didn’t blame me for, since there were so many. But then I just shook my head, rejecting the relief he was trying to offer. “It was my choice to love him,” I said.
Another cluster of lights scattered across the horizon, but Laurie didn’t look away from me.
I turned and searched his eyes for any trace of judgment or disgust. Instead, his hand rose, and he cupped my cheek.
The base of his thumb skimmed the edge of my jaw in a whisper of movement.
“The devil made you dependent on him,” Laurie murmured.
“He made certain that he was the center of your universe. That isn’t love, Fortuna. ”
A faint, bitter smile curved my lips. “No wonder he tricked me so easily. What do I know about love?”
I said it flippantly, but the words were heavy with memories and thick with the past. When Laurie looked back at me, I saw all those moments in his eyes, too. All the pain we’d caused each other. The missed chances, the misunderstandings, the bad timing.
“You know a lot more than you think,” Laurie said.
Something hovered between us. A question. It was one he’d asked before, and I was afraid that if I rejected Laurie this time, I would never see him again. The thought was unbearable.
Then I remembered another question.
How long do you intend to torment my son?
My grip tightened on my knees. I forced myself to shake my head. “Very recent events would indicate otherwise.”
Now it felt like Oliver hovered between us, along with everything else keeping us apart.
Laurie didn’t pull away, though. His brows were slightly drawn together, as if he knew I was hiding something. His voice was soft as he said, “I’m not asking for much, Fortuna. I don’t need a conventional life with you … I just want you to be in it.”
It felt like he’d opened his chest and bared his heart to me.
I stared at Laurie and tried to hide the struggle from my eyes.
It would be so easy to give in. To keep him, forever, because I couldn’t imagine being without him.
But I knew what the right choice was. After how many selfish ones I’d made, I couldn’t keep repeating the same mistakes.
I needed to say no, when all I wanted was to tell him yes.
“It wouldn’t be fair to you,” I said.
Laurie frowned. “Why? Why wouldn’t it be fair to me?”
Just as I started to answer, Mab’s voice whispered to me again. When will enough be enough?
Pain streaked through my chest like a lightning bolt.
Searching for the right words to give to Laurie, and a way to end the conversation without shattering us, I looked over at my family.
Night had fallen without my noticing, and I could only see the parts of their faces lit up by the fire and the sky.
That wasn’t all I’d missed—Collith had arrived at some point, too. He sat with Danny and Damon, bouncing Matthew on his lap, listening closely to my brother as he talked about nursing school.
I looked at Collith, and suddenly I knew exactly what to say. Exactly what I could tell Laurie that would make him give up.
When I finally turned back to the Seelie King, I didn’t try to hide how much it hurt.
“Because I love him more.” Tears stung my eyes.
I gave a helpless shrug. “I love him in a way that I can’t even describe.
The sort of love that defies reason. It’s just …
it’s part of my body now, mixed with the marrow of my bones, and there’s no ignoring or escaping it.
You would only ever get part of my heart, Laurie, and that’s just not—”
“I would be utterly content with any portion of your heart, Fortuna.”
Another lightning bolt struck me. I put on the mask of the queen, and I willed myself to have her coldness, too. “You may be fine with it, but I’m not,” I said.
It wasn’t completely a lie, what I was saying to him. It just wasn’t completely the truth, either. But Laurie must’ve heard a note of sincerity in my voice, because his hand finally fell. My skin cooled where his fingertips had been.
“Very well,” he said, his eyes shuttered. “I shan’t beg, don’t worry.”
I pursed my lips and fought the urge to swallow. There was the barest hint of strain in my voice as I said, “Will you—”
A noise cut me off, and I froze. Everyone else went still, too, their eyes full of confusion as they searched the air. It was the strangest, most chilling sound I’d ever heard. It echoed through the sky and went on for several seconds before it faded away like a death knell.
“What was that?” I breathed.
Collith’s head turned as he looked for me. Damon had taken Matthew from him, and my brother huddled with his son and fiancé. Collith stood over them as if he was protecting them. I had never seen him so pale.
“That,” he said, “was the Horn.”