21. Anastasia
ANASTASIA
Other than changing my shoes, I rush out the back entrance and skip the offers from the other performers to get celebratory drinks.
Nero stayed for the entirety of the show, and there’s no chance on the planet he’d skip dropping by my dressing room afterwards.
Escaping before he invents new ways to madden me will make a clear point to him.
Once home, I’ll have every soldier on the premises keep an eye out for him, changing Vanessa’s latest order that the two Cosa Nostra men are allowed on the property to a complete and utter ban of Nero.
At the last second, I grab the gifted roses.
When I reach my car, my phone vibrates. Presuming it’s Vanessa or Lev, I glance at the screen while sliding into the driver’s seat.
My heart stops at the Unknown moniker label.
Something that might normally raise a few yellow flags and have me bracing for who’s on the other end, but this time, I know who typed himself into my irritation.
Unknown
Quick feet, Petrov.
Me
How did you get this number?
Vanessa, Lev, or Zeno. Someone will die for this.
Unknown
When I want something, I pull out all the stops.
Me
Please stop embarrassing yourself.
Unknown
Not if it makes you smile. You’re pretty when you do.
Me
No other time? Dig that grave deeper, Amato. In fact, after you do, I’ll bury you alive.
Unknown
My cock is stiff right now. You really know how to get a man going.
Me
My eyes burn from reading that.
Unknown
Good. Why did you run away? I wanted to buy you a drink after a great performance.
Me
Why do you think I ran? I’m too tired to put your drunk ass to bed tonight.
Unknown
Ouch.
Me
I’m a bitch. This is why you should stay away.
Unknown
Saying things like that, acting like this, only makes me want to know you better.
Me
Go home to Rome.
Unknown
Unfortunately, I’m about to hop into a cab to do exactly that. Since I got stood up by this beautiful woman, I don’t have another choice.
Me
She sounds smart. Safe flight.
Unknown
See, you care.
Me
I care about my best friend’s wedding. You die, who’ll be Z’s best man?
Unknown
Nah, you care about my death. Would you cry? After all, who else would harass you?
Me
You sound like a child.
Unknown
Whatever makes you believe you’ve won this round. Which, I guess you have. See you in a week, Ana.
Me
Anastasia. And no. I already told Van I can’t attend.
Unknown
Liar. See you soon.
I stare at the screen an extra few seconds to make sure he doesn’t message again. Before tossing my phone away, I add him to my contacts.
Just in case he messages in the future and for no other reason.
Not because I’m anticipating he will.
I don’t realize I’m smiling until halfway home—and then curse every letter of his name, every smirk he throws my way, and every touch he’s heated my body with.
Fuck you, Amato.
Whatever happens next, I need to return to the beginning—to when Nero was no more than a stranger. Regardless of what happens between our families, he’s merely an acquaintance. I’ll live and die by that.
There was a single occurrence when I allowed a man to get close before.
“Close” as in he was the one I spent time with for social reasons, not because my father mandated it, but he didn’t know anything personal about me or my life.
He got as close as a person gets to a lion in a zoo—visible but untouchable.
Viktor, one of the Pakhan’s guards, catches my wrist as I round the Volkov mansion back to Papa’s car. Papa is finishing his meeting with Ursin and instructed me to wait by the vehicle. Lev should be by soon, as he’s out with Dimitri dropping off a shipment of drugs.
Viktor pulls me deeper into the shadows, wrapping his arms around me as his lips find my neck. “Hey. I’ve missed you.”
I hum, having missed him too but unable to say the words.
Viktor is five years older than me and has been inducted into the Bratva for the previous three.
He’s the only soldier to ever actually speak to me, and it’s brought us closer over the past two to three months.
He’s fun because he’s not some crazy old man Papa forces me to interact with.
Viktor is uncomplicated, which is everything I need in my life.
I tilt my head to kiss him, the typical feeling of being drowned by his lips taking me away from all of Papa’s demands. On the way here earlier, he told me about a party we’ll be attending this weekend—and who my target will be.
“You okay? You’re quiet.” He pulls back to look me in the face, but my eyelids remain partially shut, enjoying the peace found within his arms. In minutes, Papa will be out here, and Viktor must be gone by then.
I’ll never let him know about something actually good in my life because that gives him something to hold over me.
“Just enjoying the moment. You make things feel a bit better.”
“Good.” He presses his lips to my forehead before nuzzling down the side of my face, back to my neck. His hands go from my hips down to my thighs with a low groan. “How long do you have? I need you.”
I pull away to look him in the face, curious where this is coming from.
While we’ve done things, we’ve yet to have sex.
I’m trying to have a normal relationship with him since Papa’s treachery has tainted sex for me.
Seventeen years old and it’s disgustingly depressing to be traumatized by something so natural.
I’ve been holding out on Viktor so we could get to know one another, which has been a slow progression since I only see him occasionally.
“I’m not… You know I don’t…”
All of a sudden, a stranger is in front of me. His fingers dig painfully into my hips, as if rooting for my soul. “Why are you being like this?”
“Why are you being like this?” Hands in his chest, I push and dislodge from his hold. “I told you from the beginning—”
His scoff cuts me off. “C’mon, everyone here knows you’re a whore who’ll take it when ordered. Why am I any different?”
Red.
Rage.
Revenge.
The knife from my leg holster—something Papa commanded I always wear—is in my grip before I fully comprehend my reaction. I blink, my vision tunneling but unfocused, and then there’s more red.
A scream.
Blood.
The knife is sticking out from his throat, and then it’s in my hand again, and then back in his neck.
I blink. The knife slips from my grip, clashing to the ground right beside the fully grown man on his knees, clutching for breath while life seeps from him.
“What the…did…”
Blyat. I step back, tripping over my shoes to escape. His blood follows me, a trail of horror from me to Viktor. A trail of proof I am like Papa.
I’m a killer.
I’ve been a killer for almost two years on his orders, but never of my own accord.
I didn’t mean to. I didn’t think. It was a reaction—anger that drove the weapon into his neck, stabbing it three times in a row to prove to him and anyone else he spoke to about us that I am not a whore.
I’m a woman without choice. There’s a big difference.
As he falls dead, a sob bubbles in my throat. I drop to my hands and knees, scrambling for my phone and then jamming every button imaginable until my brother’s voice comes from the other end.
“Lev, I did something...”
Afterwards, I realized I never actually cared for Viktor, but I was trying to.
I was aiming to be normal, to have a relationship that wasn’t a ploy.
To eventually have sex because I wanted it, not because it was ordered.
I allowed Viktor to get close enough that he got some of my true personality, hopeful he’d be the one to change my future.
Instead, he was another man who let me down and proved to be a monster behind a mask.
In the few months of interacting with Nero, he’s gotten closer than Viktor ever did.
Which is why this must end now. He can’t bury himself deeper inside.