45. Anastasia
ANASTASIA
Nero
I’m sorry. It’s not good enough, I know. It’ll never be good enough.
I’d like to explain in person, but I understand why you won’t let me. But I HAVE to say this. My reason is much less important than yours, and this isn’t meant to change your mind. I want you to know my actions weren’t random.
Ursin Volkov once gave the order for me to kidnap you from Poland. It’s why I was there. I never wanted to, and then we met, and I couldn’t. Not knowing your life would have been hell. Knowing it might lead to your death.
When I returned, Z’s father had been killed by Volkov. I believed it was my fault. That I fucked up by not taking you. If I did, it would have given them bargaining tools. Maybe Z’s father wouldn’t have been at the bar that night. I had no regrets that it kept YOU safe but blamed myself.
I started drinking to resolve my conscience.
Us being at war helped. It kept the hate alive.
Until Z and V fell in love. Then you all were in my life, and I had no one but myself to hate.
I thought if I could tell Z the truth, I’d stop drinking, stop hating myself.
If I could kill all the old Elite members, there’d be proof of my attempts.
Your father was the only one left, and I took his information from your phone that night, sì. I felt sick doing it, but there was only one path. Or so I thought.
I didn’t know your situation, and it makes everything so much fucking worse.
I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I vow to spend the rest of our lives working for it.
I care for you a lot and never wanted to do this.
Never wanted to hurt you like this. I went too far—was in too deep.
I saw a way free from the bottle, but all I did was make it worse.
You feel used and have every right to. I get it.
But know, I didn’t sleep with you for revenge.
For months, I’ve been getting close because I wanted to.
I wouldn’t have come to your show if I didn’t.
Wouldn’t have brought you to meet my padre if I didn’t mean it.
If you believe nothing else, at least believe my feelings for you.
I’ll wait forever for your response. If forever happens after our deaths, I’ll still be grateful.
When I was sixteen, Nero and I met for the first time. He saved me.
Eleven years later, we met again, in three different instances, all at the most unexpected of times. Each one ended, unsure if it’d be the last.
This becomes the fourth instance.
Only this time, I hope our paths never cross again.