Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Violet
Last night, Evander had taken me on my kitchen table. Then in my bed. And in the shower. He might’ve stayed over and done more, but my eyelids had been drooping when bedtime rolled around. So he’d tucked me in, finished painting, and this morning, he arrived with ham-and-cheese breakfast sandwiches from the gas station.
Now we were in a Bismarck department store, staring at baby items. My mind insisted on returning to the sexcapades. He was right here, and my pheromones were going wild. I was already pregnant, dammit. They could cool down enough to let me shop without distraction.
There was so much stuff. So many items I needed.
I propped my hands behind my hips. “Why is everything in such a big box?” My back was aching just looking at the size of the crib container. I skated my gaze to the stroller. Not as large. And it all had to be put together.
Acute gratitude cooled the hot panic rising. The nursery had been painted within a day of mentioning it to Evander. Two days later, he’d probably have the crib put together. Weren’t those notoriously hard?
Lily had done all this. Mostly by herself too. Sure, she’d lived with Mom and Dad when her son had been born after her divorce, but she’d been largely on her own.
In a way, her ex-husband and Willis weren’t that different. They’d both isolated us. Her ex had shamed her into it, convincing her an adult woman shouldn’t rely on her family. Willis had kept me isolated by being a pain in the ass about everything and making me think it was my fault.
Except for Evander’s initial doubt, which had been valid, he didn’t make me feel that way. I’d never had so much support. A girl could get used to that. A girl could also get hurt if that support was ever yanked away.
Evander studied the cribs, checking the details on the tag. “Which one do you want?”
The nursery was going in the rental, but he didn’t want a say? This was his kid too. “I’m partial to white, but Lily says that with kids, she’d never buy anything white now.”
“A baby can’t make that much of a mess.”
We both looked at each other with an unspoken, can they?
I giggled. “I’m as lost as you are. I was halfway across the country for most of my niece and nephew’s lives.”
“You like white? We’ll get white.”
My heart constricted on we . “What if?—”
“Then I’ll buy the walnut one.” He tapped the crib next to the wooden one he stood in front of. “Or the mahogany.”
Two cribs? Wasn’t that—Oh. He’d need one if we were shuttling our kid back and forth. “Okay. White. It’ll lighten up that dark room.”
He grunted as he toed the box. “The builder of that place spared every expense on windows. We’ll come back for the crib after I find a flat cart.”
That place. Not my place. I missed the natural light. And the neutral tones punctuated with pleasing grays, like how he’d decorated his house. Of the two of us, his rental was superior. “Okay, a stroller next. I think.”
He took out his phone and tapped at the screen. “Did you want a changing table?” He spun around. The display was behind us.
I eyed his phone. Was that the Notes app? “Did you make a list?”
He flashed the screen toward me. “Made my own op orders.”
Op orders? “Is this a mission?”
“An important one.” He tucked his phone away. “Want the matching white changing table?”
I really did. And the glider rocker I saw at Hattie’s that was plush with a footrest that looked softer than a bed. I wanted that end table with the acetylene molecule in the weld for the nursery too, even if it didn’t match the white aesthetic. It had rounded edges. Good enough. Then there was the double dresser combo in Hattie’s place, finished in the heathered tones. It’d balance the rest nicely and light up the room.
Even if I had some spare money and wasn’t saving for a maternity leave when I didn’t have enough leave to cover the wage gap, I wouldn’t buy the quality pieces from Hattie’s place. Department store furnishings in the old house didn’t break my heart quite as much .
By the time we were done, Evander had tracked down an employee and secured a flat cart to haul the boxes on.
I mentally tallied everything as he’d stacked each piece. I pushed the cart with the smaller items—a diaper bag, starter packs of clothing, blankets, and onesies. All in neutral tones.
My limbs grew sluggish as we reached the counter. The rest of the retirement I’d been living on would take a hit. But I needed everything.
The cashier gushed about each item as she rang it up. She chattered to me and Evander. He didn’t do more than nod once in a while. I fought my blood pressure as everything crept closer to four digits. Ouch. I should’ve stayed living with my parents after I left California.
Just as she took the portable scanner to the flat cart, Evander dug his wallet out.
I put a hand on his elbow. “Oh. No. You can’t pay.”
He arched a brow. “Why?”
“It’s…not fair.” He’d paid for the rental repairs he was not getting reimbursed for. He’d painted. He got the tab at Rattler’s after our appointment. I rifled through my purse.
“Violet. I got it.”
The cashier rambled off an absurd number. The same digits taunted me from the pay pad. A brick formed in my belly. So much money.
I was a big girl. I had a good job.
I had a few months of leave that I wouldn’t get paid for.
Weakly, I retrieved my card.
Evander snaked a hand around my waist and put his mouth to my ear. My skin tingled, and a shiver traced down my spine .
“Put that card away,” he said in a low growl, “or when we get home, I’m going to bend you over until your ass is nice and high in the air and spank it—with my dick.”
A strangled sound left me, and my gaze flew to the aloof cashier. My cheeks grew hot. Did she hear? She smiled at us like she hadn’t.
“Is that supposed to be a threat?” I whispered.
He banded his arm harder around me, and he tapped his card to the reader. “It’s a promise, wildflower.”
The relief was swift, but shame washed right behind it. I was a lot further ahead than a lot of single moms, but I shouldn’t be nearing a panic attack about supplying my baby’s needs. I’d had a good job for years.
I’d also had a shitty partner who liked to live extravagantly and insinuated that if I didn’t keep up, it must be my hang-up and not his.
Evander placed a kiss at my hairline, then accepted the receipt from the cashier. The quick show of affection satisfied the longing of a young Violet in me. Evander was matter-of-fact, and he hadn’t been putting on a show. He’d only meant to offer comfort and affection, and I soaked it up like a long, dry sponge.
God, I could get in so much trouble with this man.
I pushed the regular cart to his pickup. He loaded the big items like the boxes were full of feathers. I put the rest in the back seat of his truck and got in, blowing out a weary breath. So much stuff. I hadn’t been ready for the final total, and it hadn’t been like we were shopping at a luxury baby boutique. The furniture Evander had bought was nowhere near the quality Hattie sold in her store.
He remote started his pickup, so the air kicked on, then returned the flat cart.
After he got behind the wheel, he leaned on the console. “Care to share why the thought of letting me buy everything made you look ready to run?”
No. I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. I owed him something. His purchases surrounded me. “I’m taking the full three months of maternity leave. My boss encouraged me to, but the pay…”
Understanding filled his eyes. He worked his jaw as his gaze aimed out the window. “After the birth, you’ll get child support, right? If it’s not official by then, I’ll still pay it. We’ll start the paperwork.”
Child support. Custody. Topics I didn’t think I’d have to maneuver as a mom. Tears burned the backs of my eyes. I was living off him. I’d moved out so he didn’t have the upper hand, so no one could make me feel small again. Only I needed him.
Did he see how pathetic I was?
“I’m an adult, Evander.” My anger flared, quick and hot. He recoiled. None of this was his fault. It was all mine. “I have a graduate degree. My career is decent…and I almost died when I heard the amount I owed. I’m going to have a good job—that I’m not getting paid for—while I have a newborn. No leave. I’m using all my sick days. I’m in my thirties. Do you know how hard it’s been not to move in with my parents?”
“It’s not a sign of failure.”
By every standard I’d been told all my adult life, it was. “You’re already retired. I’m just starting. It’s embarrassing. I’m the oldest sister, and I’m barely more than homeless with a baby on the way. In high school, I used to babysit people who now have investment portfolios worth more than I’ve made in my entire career. But no, I let Willis insist that we go to Bali after I paid off my loans.” A trip I financed. Because he was in the prestigious field of academia that paid pennies while I worked for a private lab.
“You have me, Violet.”
“I can’t?—”
“You can. I acted like a dick when you showed up, and I regret that. I had no idea what I almost lost by being a cranky bastard. But I’m here now. I’m by your side. We’re partners.” I didn’t know what flickered across his expression, but he clenched his jaw. “In this. We’re partners in parenthood. I like being able to care for you.”
“That was your worst fear two months ago.”
“And that changed. You changed it. I’m here, Violet. You’re having my kid. I’m going to pay for everything. You need rent covered? I’ve got that too.”
He was being generous because I was having his baby. There was the emptiness again. “I’m not using you.”
“Maybe I want to be used.”
Silence fell between us. My heart pounded hard enough that it might echo through the cab.
Maybe I want to be used.
What would that make me? Dependent. I was better than Evander’s ex but it wasn’t feeling like by much. I hadn’t lied to him about being the father, and he had proof, but I was squeezing his hard-won retirement out of him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I should’ve built myself a stronger foundation.
Stress clogged my vocal cords. “I’m just stressed. It’s the hormones.”
If he only knew those hormones were why he’d had me spread out on the table yesterday. They weren’t why I couldn’t be his charity case.
I had to stand on my own. His motivations were baby-related. One of us had to be clear-headed enough to see that our only connection was the kid. His feelings weren’t about me but his obligation to his child.
His phone started vibrating, but he didn’t move to answer it.
“You can get that.”
His soft exhale was barely audible. He tore his gaze off me, and I was left with the heaviness that I’d disappointed him.
He dug his phone out. “Hey, Mom.”
Her high voice came over the line, but I couldn’t make out the words.
“I have some things to finish up, but I’ll swing by later.” Pause. “No, Mom. You can’t let him. No, Liam doesn’t need to either. I’m here. I can make sure the combine is ready to go. Tell Dad to sit his ass down, or I’ll play hide the combine in all the Barron shops.”
Her soft laugh was clear.
“All right? Good. I’ll see you in a few hours.” He hung up and kicked the pickup in gear. “I’ll need to cut tonight short. Dad’s getting anxious about harvest.”
“Goddamn wheat?” I asked, grateful we could move on from the earlier conversation and the worries it magnified.
He chuckled. “More like corn, and there’s plenty of time.”
“He’s feeling better then?”
“A lot. We don’t argue when we’re talking logistics.”
“Good.”
“I’ll be back later this week to put the equipment together,” he assured me.
“I can do some of it.”
He shot me a warning glare. “That wasn’t an empty threat in the checkout. ”
Heat spiked in my blood, and I gave him a sly grin. “We never established if it was a threat or a promise.”
He wove through Bismarck and hit the interstate in the direction of Coal Haven. “I clearly stated it was a promise.”
Evander
I finished up at my place and Mom and Dad’s. It’d been two weeks since Violet and I started having sex. I’d never looked forward to seeing a woman before. Violet wasn’t my girlfriend, but she had become an important part of my life. She always would have a pivotal role. She was on her own, and the need to contribute rode me hard when I was away from her. A few equipment breakdowns around my parents’ place kept me from being able to assemble all the baby equipment we’d bought, but I had told Violet I would come over this weekend.
I pulled up in front of her house. A black pickup was in my usual spot. Did she have company? A work friend? She didn’t want to be dependent on me, and I didn’t want her to be. But seeing her move on, relegating me to nothing but the role of baby daddy, left an emptiness inside of me I didn’t want to peer too hard at.
Violet flung the door open before I knocked. Her smile was falsely bright. “My parents are here.”
The announcement was a direct hit to my gut. Wasn’t I too old to meet the parents? Violet had talked about her family, but I’d kept them in a separate category. A “not in Coal Haven” classification that was out of sight and out of mind. I had my own family issues to worry about.
I scanned the living room behind her, ready for them to jump out and demand to know why I didn’t treat their daughter better, but my gaze landed on the stroller. It was out of the box and assembled already. Damn.
Violet chewed her bottom lip. “And Dad’s putting the crib together.”
She said it as if she knew it was something I wanted to do. I’d ordered her not to touch it, citing that she didn’t need to worry about it after a long day of work. But I’d been looking forward to it. My kid would sleep in something I sort of built, not just paid for.
A woman walked from the kitchen and headed toward the hallway, but she glanced over and veered toward us. “Violet. You have a visitor.” Her smile was wide and familiar, like she already knew who I was and was grateful to see me. Her expression was matronly, a lot like my mom’s, and just like when Mom greeted me so warmly, there was a beat of guilt. Would I let her down too?
Violet flashed me a smile full of apology. “Mom, this is Evander. Evander, this is my mom, Magnolia.”
I was still on the stoop, but I extended my hand. I’d make damn sure I lived up to Magnolia Duke’s—and my mother’s—expectations of treating Violet well. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
Magnolia chortled. “Oh my goodness. Don’t ma’am me, please.” She pumped my hand with the strength of a college linebacker. “We surprised Violet with a visit.” She released me and leaned closer. “Gives my kids less of a chance to claim they’re busy. ”
Pink dusted the tops of Violet’s cheeks. “That won’t be the case anymore.”
Ah. The ex. He must’ve always had an excuse why the Dukes couldn’t visit Violet.
Magnolia nudged her daughter and winked at me. “Maybe I’m warning Evander.”
Violet choked. “Mom.”
“Warning heeded, Mrs. Duke.”
Magnolia rolled her eyes. “Mrs. Duke is Weston’s mom, and she left behind a trust that’s messing with my kids. Call me Magnolia, please.” She waved her hands. “Come in, come in. It’s not my house, but Violet’s still obligated to listen to her mother.”
Violet stepped out of the way, smiling fondly at her mom.
I adjusted the brim of my baseball hat. Violet was in a loose dress that summoned all kinds of memories of how easy it was to get to her when she wore that.
Thinking about flipping up that skirt would embarrass me in front of her mother, not to mention it was wildly inappropriate. Still, I couldn’t help but put my hand on the small of Violet’s back when I asked, “Does your dad need any help?”
Violet relaxed into my touch for a moment before she started toward the hallway. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”
Magnolia stayed beside me. She was an inch or so shorter than her daughter, with the same wild curls, only hers were laced with gray. She wore some sort of sport sandals with her short pants, where Violet always wore dainty sandals. Violet claimed it was because she couldn’t wear fun footwear in the lab, but now they were easier to put on around her growing belly.
“He does need help,” Magnolia muttered. “Don’t let him tell you otherwise. He struggled to put the kids’ cribs together all those years ago. We had three different cribs through all the kids. It got to where when Lily was born, I was tempted to go from a bassinet right to a twin bed just to avoid the headache.”
Metal clattered from the bedroom. “Goddammit. Why aren’t these instructions clear?” A deep voice raged.
Humor traced through me. Now that reminded me of my dad.
“Hey, Dad.” Violet rounded the doorway. “Evander’s here. Need a hand? He was planning to put the crib together today anyway.”
I lingered behind Violet, awkward as fuck in the tiny hallway with a smirking Magnolia. She might seem aloof, but the woman’s eyes were as sharp as her daughter’s. She didn’t miss a thing. I was being studied. My actions, my behavior, everything from how I dressed to how I spoke, especially in relation to her daughter.
Good thing this was the exact environment I’d had a career in for so long. Inspections had been a part of life.
Weston looked up from where he was crouched on the small nursery floor, surrounded by loose screws and the wide, rectangular sides of the crib. The small amount of light didn’t lend much aid to the dim light fixture in the room, but the print on the instructions appeared to be a two-point font size from where I was standing.
He peered at me over a pair of reading glasses. “Evander Barron?” He rose, wincing as his knees popped. “Bruce’s boy?”
He hobbled over, straightening further as he went. His shake was almost as hearty as his wife’s.
“Yes, Bruce is my dad,” I answered. He knew exactly who I was, could probably tell me when I was born, and had likely heard a few stories during his time working for my uncle Cameron about the trouble Stetson and I would get into. But I went along with it. “Nice to meet you.”
He nodded like I’d passed some secret test just by introducing myself. Was Vasectomy Willis really that big of a douche? “You know what? I’m going to take the help. I can read contracts all day long, but apparently, I can’t figure out the drop side of this damn crib.”
Violet moved out of the way. I put a hand on her waist as I scooted past her, using any excuse to touch her. She exchanged another apologetic look, but I gave my head a slight shake. If I learned anything in my time in the army, it was to expect the unexpected and pivot.
“Are you hungry, Evander?” Magnolia asked. “West and I brought sandwiches, fruit, and cookies to make up for our intrusion.”
My stomach threatened to growl, but I clenched it. “I’ll eat whatever, whenever.” Another benefit—consequence?—of my career. “Thank you.”
A pleased smile graced Magnolia’s face. She hooked an elbow through Violet’s. “Come on, hon. You can put those feet up, and we’ll let the guys work for a bit before I get the sandwiches ready. Tell me about work. How’s Daisy doing?”
They disappeared, and I took a spot next to where Weston had been working. “Where we at?”
He sank to the floor and huffed his way through an explanation. I organized the hardware he’d scattered and started from the beginning. A half hour later, the crib was together and placed against the wall. In a handful of months, a baby would be sleeping in there. My baby.
I’d make sure it had everything, including family. Putting the crib together with a grandpa was the first step.
Weston faced the crib and rimmed his hands around the waistband of his khaki shorts. I was in my usual cargo pants and boots. He looked ready for the golf course, and I looked ready to saw more lumber for another crib.
“We’ll tackle the changing table after lunch,” he said.
“Should go faster.”
“I don’t know. Have you seen how many drawers are on that thing?” He shook his head and scowled at the box with the image of a white, fully assembled changing table on it. “I wish she would’ve let Alder buy the set she admired in the furniture store.”
“She had something else in mind?”
He nodded. “Yes, but you know Violet. She’s going to do her own thing, and that doesn’t include letting her brother buy her baby supplies.”
She’d let me, but I hadn’t given her much of a choice.
He faced me, and I stiffened, like I’d been called to attention for an officer. “I like how you’re taking care of my daughter.”
Humbled, I glanced from him and the door. “With respect, sir, I’m not doing much.”
“You’re letting her do her own thing. That says a lot.”
“We’re not…” He knew my role in Violet’s life was limited, right? “We’re not together.”
A knowing gleam lit his eyes. “I understand. I don’t know what you’ve heard about her ex?—”
“Nothing good.” I didn’t mean to interrupt, but the urge to tear shit apart when that fucker was mentioned roared strong in my head. “He was a manipulative asshole. ”
Approval filled his expression. “You’re making her life easier. I respect that.”
“I didn’t at first.” I didn’t know what he knew about me, but I wouldn’t hide behind how I had acted to Violet. He was her father. I’d face his wrath.
“You mean when you let her stay with you until the paternity results came through?”
The back of my neck heated. Shit. He’d heard about that. “Yeah. She didn’t have a choice.”
“West?” Magnolia called from the kitchen. “Evander? Lunch is ready.”
He clapped me on the shoulder. “We always have a choice.” He waved his hand around the small, dim room. “Just like this house is a choice. Let’s get some food before we tackle that changing table. I want to talk to you about meeting your parents.”