Chapter Nine Ren #4
“His what?” Xavier scoffed. “You aren’t anyone’s replacement, Ren. The Anax didn’t offer you safety because he’s trying to find another Quinn. He did it because you needed safety, and that’s part of his role as Anax. To protect those who need protecting. Find homes for those who need homes.
You chose to come to him, remember?”
“Yeah. Still not totally sure how that happened.” The Alpha had mentioned the Anax when he was explaining werewolf shit to me, and the assfucks who’d beaten me had said the Anax would want me destroyed. But no one had told me where to find the Anax or why I should ask him for help.
“I’m glad it happened.” He put his arm around me, and I leaned into him, breathing in a scent I couldn’t have described if my life depended on it, A woodsy, warm scent. It was Xavier, and it meant safety and caring. “We found each other because you made that choice.”
“Maybe I was drawn to you.” I said it sarcastically but as I spoke, I realized it might be true.
I’d had some bond to the Anax because he was the Anax and I was a werewolf in the country he ruled, but maybe that wasn’t what my wolf had followed to arrive at this house.
Maybe as a wolf, I’d sensed my mate and had followed that sense.
“Could be.” He kissed the top of my head.
No sparks flew this time; it was just sweet and tender, and for some reason it made me sleepy.
“Let’s go to bed, yeah? I’m on duty in the morning, but we’ll all be together part of the time because of driving back to Winthrop. Which is only about an hour from here, so not much of a drive. I’m driving the Anax, and I’m sure he won’t mind if you ride with us.”
“Okay.”
He stood. “I’m going to my room to get something to sleep in and clothes for tomorrow. I’ll be right back.”
While he was out of the room, I put on the T-shirt and shorts I’d been sleeping in.
Without my binder. It wasn’t like Xavier hadn’t seen me binderless in this shirt before, but not having it on felt odd now that I’d been wearing it for a day and a half or so.
Which meant it probably needed to be washed.
Fortunately, I’d bought more than one. On our shopping trip, Suzannah had taken me to a shop, located near several colleges, that catered to transgender people.
Including, thank fuck, selling binders in a range of sizes.
Apparently at least two of the colleges in the area had a decent number of trans students, so someone had decided opening the store there was a good idea.
As far as I was concerned, it definitely was.
Xavier came back wearing shorts and no shirt, carrying a bundle of clothes. He pulled a T-shirt out and held it up. “I can put this on.”
“You don’t have to.” His chest was very nice to look at, and I fought the urge to flatten my palms against it. That would lead to something other than sleep, and right now, for some reason, I was exhausted. “You keep saying you want me to be comfortable. I want you to be.”
“Okay.” With a skeptical look, he put the clothes on the chair and walked over to the bed. “You sure?”
“Yeah.” My mouth watered, and I quickly looked away. Even though—no, especially because I didn’t want to. Maybe I should have told him to put the shirt on, but if he felt better without the shirt, who was I to tell him he had to wear it? “It’s fine.”
“You know I don’t believe you, right?” Grinning, he lay on his side and held out his hand. “Hey. You being okay matters more to me than whether I wear a shirt. Or wear anything at all.”
“Um…” I wasn’t quite sure where to go with that. “Don’t you usually wear something to bed?”
“Not if I can help it.” He let his hand fall to the bed between us.
“A lot of us—werewolves, that is—don’t like wearing clothes. We feel constrained. It’s a wolf thing, but for some of us it carries over to the human side. During the day, when we’re around other people, we follow social norms, but in bed by ourselves, we don’t have to.”
“You don’t have to with me?” I wasn’t sure if I was telling him or asking myself, because honestly, having a naked Xavier next to me would probably mean I wouldn’t get a damn bit of sleep.
“Yes, I do.” He touched my hair. “We aren’t at the sleeping naked together point yet. Maybe eventually. Or not. I’m okay either way. I like holding you while I sleep more than I like being naked.”
I couldn’t resist. “There are other uses for being naked besides sleeping.”
“Yeah, we aren’t at that point yet either.” With a grin, he leaned closer. His breath brushed my cheek like a kiss, and I shivered. “Go to sleep, Ren.”
“Since when do you tell me what to do?” I rolled to face him. “We aren’t at the following orders point either.”
He laughed. “Fair enough. Let’s both just get some rest. Tomorrow’s going to be a day.”
“Most days are.” That was probably the least profound thing I’d ever said, but I was too tired to think of anything else. He had a point about going to sleep. “Fine, but not because you said so.”
“I’m good with that.” He kissed me and nudged me away. “If you turn over, I can hold you. That isn’t an order.”
I grinned. “Fine. But not because you said so.”
Within a minute or two of lying with my back against him, his arm draped over me as usual, I fell asleep. Too bad all of the dreams I remembered were nightmares about being left behind, rejected as the others headed to the Anax’s home.