Chapter 10 #3
I head into the backyard and set my bag down in the grass before sinking down beside it.
Crossing my legs, I close my eyes and inhale deeply.
Lately, it’s been harder to empty my mind.
The more I try to reach out to Carys, the more hopeless I become.
I sit there, breathing in and out slowly, enjoying the feel of the occasional breeze caressing my face.
I force myself to stop thinking of my physical senses and retreat into myself.
I tap into my powers to seek Carys’s fiery essence, searching for the fragmented trail that leads to her subconscious.
My body grows lighter, and I latch on to the tiniest flicker of her dark flames, casting my thoughts toward it.
Carys, I know you’re out there. We’ll figure this out. I promise.
For a moment, I swear that tiny flicker grows hotter. I envision a flame coming to life, blazing brighter, but then it’s snuffed out, shoving me back into myself. A small throbbing in my temples supersedes the tincture I’ve just taken.
“Mind if I join?” a voice says across the barrier of my thoughts.
I open my eyes as Tiernan crouches down in front of me. An awkward smile twists his lips, but there’s sadness in his countenance.
“I’m sorry,” he signs. “I shouldn’t have publicly gone up to Ava the way I did. I just …” He signs and looks away.
“It’s alright,” I tell him.
“I hate seeing you hurt. But the last thing I want you to think is that I don’t believe in you. Because I do.”
I’m trying my hardest to believe he does as well.
He frowns at me, and I pull up my mental shields, securing them. A proud glimmer appears in his eyes, his cheekbones sharpening as a smile creeps onto his lips. “It’s impressive that you can shield so well,” he says.
“I get a lot of practice with my constantly loud thoughts, you know.”
“The loudest,” he teases.
I smirk at him. “Oh … Dayfyd gave me something today. A moonstone, he called it. He said it should belong to a Dreamwalker.”
I reach into my bag and pull out the handkerchief, handing it over to Tiernan.
Carefully, he unwraps it and cradles it in his hand.
He tilts it back and forth just as I had.
“If it should belong to a Dreamwalker, why did he have it?” Tiernan signs one-handed as best as he can. “And what exactly is it?”
“I’m not sure,” I admit. “I didn’t ask.”
“I know old magic utilized stones a lot. They’re great for imbuing. Amplifiers. Dampeners like Carys’s.”
Amplifier. “Oksana did say something about an amplifier, but she also didn’t want to resort to it yet.”
Tiernan’s eyes widen. He passes the stone back to me and says, “Does it make you feel stronger? If it’s a moonstone, I wonder if it requires … well, moonlight. Or if it can strengthen your connection to the dream realm?”
Holding it between my hands, I close my eyes and try to get a sense of it. Something feels different about it, but I’m not quite sure what. I don’t feel any stronger or any weaker. Opening my eyes, I shrug again.
“Keep it on you, maybe,” Tiernan suggests. “And perhaps you should ask Dayfyd.”
I make a face, wrapping up the stone again. “He acts kind of strange when I’m around. I don’t know what it is.”
Tiernan signs and motions, “I can’t get much of a read on him either. And I’m certain he has no powers. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with Ava, I guess.”
My stomach churns at the thought of Ava again. “I need to learn the no-spin throw,” I blurt out. “I’ve been working on it with Chiyo, but it’s so difficult.”
He stands and pulls me to my feet as well. “Alright …”
“I just need to prove to her—”
“Durvla.” He places a hand gently on my cheek and strokes it with his thumb.
My lips snap shut. “Ava is an angry person, and she takes it out on everyone. Don’t let her continue to make you doubt yourself and trust me when I say you’re improving.
You are improving. When we first got here a month ago, you weren’t able to jog the distance you do now.
You couldn’t even summon a small shield on command and now you can.
I know you’re frustrated with the dreamwalking, but you’ll figure it out.
You just need that aha moment—it happens to all of us. Trust me.”
He steps back and pulls one dagger from his belt before pressing the hilt into my palm. “Your throwing has been more than decent. For this new throw, you just have to focus a little more than usual.”
It’s kind of hard to do that when his sleeves are rolled back, displaying the sword inked onto his muscular forearm. It ripples as he grips another dagger to demonstrate once more, but I’m busy staring and miss everything.
It isn’t until I register the playful glimmer in his eyes that I realize I’ve missed something. “Distracted?” he asks.
“Admittedly, yes.”
His eyes crinkle at the corners, narrowing in a way that is truly endearing.
“To start, let’s adjust your stance. It’s just a little different from the stance you’d use for the spin throw, but the subtle differences matter.
” He stands in front of me, placing his hands on my hips, squaring them. “Relax your knees.”
It’s only then that I realize that my knees have been locked; they protest as I bend them slightly. Tiernan moves to stand behind me, once more adjusting my throwing stance.
“Lower your shoulders,” he says into my mind.
I exhale slowly and force my shoulders to relax.
Tiernan’s hand glides along my side and down over my waist, adjusting my hips once more.
Tingling warmth blooms against my skin as his fingers trail up my arm.
I grip the dagger tighter in my clammy palm, trying to keep my focus on the target rather than on the pleasant lurch in my stomach and eager quiver in my chest.
His body is so close to mine that I almost feel his teasing smirk. I certainly feel the tickle of his breath against my ear. I’m overtaken by the scent of him—of leather, citrus, and mint. I’m tempted to drop the dagger and lean back into his strong arms. I’ve done enough training today, haven’t I?
“Throw,” he says, snapping my attention back to the tree.
I fling my arm forward, following through after I release the hilt of the dagger. The blade spins haphazardly before bouncing right off the bark and plummeting to the grass below. Yet, Tiernan is all smiles when I face him, another dagger in his hand.
“Close,” he says, pressing the hilt into my palm again.
I glance down at the dagger, then back up at the handsome man before me. It’s hard to believe that mere months ago I would’ve wagered it was impossible for me to feel attraction, let alone such adoration for someone. Yet here we are.
Tiernan quirks a brow, waiting for me to say something, and a fresh wave of embarrassment comes over me. The weight of the dagger settles in my hand again. “That was supposed to be a no-spin throw,” I say. “It absolutely spun.”
He laughs. “So, it was a little overenthusiastic. You’ll get it next time.”
I’m focused on his lips when I realize that he’s signing something, but I’ve already missed most of it. Heat crawls up my neck as amusement plays over his face. “Perhaps we should take a break,” he says.
I hold the dagger out to him hilt first. “Excellent idea.”
Sheathing the blade at his waist, he steps a little closer and dips his head down to mine, waiting. I lift my face to his with every intention of offering him a brief, chaste kiss, but the moment our lips touch, my stomach dissolves into reckless flutters.
The echoes of uncertainty are silenced by the sweep of Tiernan’s tongue against the seal of my lips.
I’m enraptured by the taste of him—jasmine tea and mint, and a burst of sweet and tart …
passion? Lust? It flitters across my tongue, then skin, tactile as the breeze.
The sensation takes me aback as my mind grapples between the desire to make sense of it and the longing to dive deeper.
I wind my arms around him, and my whole body tingles as his lips trail along my jaw and down to the side of my neck.
I suck in a small breath as my stomach tightens with want.
On instinct, I tilt my head to the side, allowing his lips to further explore my skin, each kiss igniting something greater within me.
His hand slides down my arm, his fingers lacing with mine, and we rush inside.
The door barely closes before Tiernan presses me against the wooden surface, his lips on my neck again, butterflies dancing around my navel as aching heat builds in my core.
“Tiernan,” I manage to whisper as his lips brush against my collarbone.
Immediately he stops and I inwardly curse myself for interrupting. I desperately want to find relief for the building ache, but— “We still need to talk.” I clap my hand over the first two buttons of my blouse. When did he even unfasten them?
His eyes are filled with carnal promises as he looks down at me. He kisses my fingers gently. “Alright, let’s talk.”
We walk over to the couch and sit down. But, for the life of me, I cannot get rid of the flustered feeling, or the lingering heat from his lips on my neck. I refasten the top two buttons of my blouse and exhale slowly. “I …” Words, Durvla. “Before you, I never kissed anyone.”
He doesn’t look surprised, only curious where I’m going with this conversation starter.
“I’ve also never …” I gesture vaguely, moving my open palm back and forth between us. “I never had an interest either.”
He smiles warmly, though concern seeps into his eyes. “I hope I’m not pressuring you.”
“No, but … I … No.” Gods, why is this so hard to say? “I don’t know if I’m ready. I mean, my body tells me otherwise, but this thing between us … I don’t even know if it needs defining. Perhaps I’m being unreasonable.”
“You’re not being unreasonable.” He rubs the back of his neck as he seems to mull over everything I’ve said. “What are your expectations?” he asks after a while.
I shrug. I haven’t been romantically involved with anyone before.
I know it’s not the same for him, and I know the only other relationship I’m aware of ended in tragedy.
Guilt and mild discomfort sink into me, clouding my mind.
Maybe I should be asking him what his expectations are; what if I cannot live up to them?
What if I fall short compared to the standard set by his past relationships?
His head tilts slightly, but I don’t bother to raise my mental shields—I try my hardest not to shy away. “Am I thinking too loud again?” I sign, sliding my teeth across my lower lip.
“Loud and clear.” His smile is gentle. “But this is about us. Maura was my past. You are my—present.”
My brow lifts. He’d quickly changed the direction of the hand sign, but I’d caught the beginning of it anyway.
Future.
My heart nearly leaps out of my chest—I cannot decipher if it’s from excitement or fear. He thinks I am his future?
He takes a moment to recover his bearings. “We don’t have to do anything we’re not prepared for. There’s no pressure.”
There is pressure, just not from him. “It’s probably silly, but I always assumed marriage would come first,” I admit.
His back straightens, and I’m uncertain how to interpret the look that crosses his handsome face. He quickly schools his features into neutrality, and I rush to explain myself.
“It’s how things are generally done in Cluain Baile.
Most maidens are married fairly young because it increases our chance of …
survival, you know? I’m an exception for obvious reasons.
It was too risky. But I’d always assumed I’d marry out of obligation rather than—” I stop myself, carefully considering my next words.
“Rather than … whatever this is.” If things had carried on as usual, I would’ve likely married Osheen out of convenience.
That thought turns my stomach for far too many reasons.
Tiernan’s posture loosens as a smile eclipses his neutral expression.
“Not that I’m saying we need to get married.” I bite my lip to shut myself up, but more words fly out. “And now, I’ve probably scared you off.”
His smile falters slightly, but he shakes his head. “I’m not that easily scared off.”
He takes my hands and faces me squarely before releasing me to sign, “We don’t have to rush into anything.
I don’t want you to feel pressured. No matter what, at any moment, you have every right to bring anything and everything to a halt.
I will always stop if something makes you uncomfortable or you’re not ready for it. All you have to do is say so.”
I nod, warm giddiness blanketing the self-imposed pressure surrounding our relationship.
“And when you don’t want me to stop, I’ll obey your commands like the most eager devotee. No questions asked. Just try me.”
A snort escapes and I cover my mouth, making a grin stretch across his face. “Try you?”
“Try me. Any request at all.”
I don’t know what frivolous sprite whacks me on the head, but I blurt, “Dance for me.” I grin, unable to resist, knowing that there’s no way that Tiernan Kilkenny would dance on command.
His eyes go wide, but then he pushes himself to his feet.
Is he really going to …? I stare up at him and my jaw drops as Tiernan does a tiny little jig, jumping lightly with a hilariously straight face. I try to hold back my laughter, but it rolls through me uncontrolled. Tiernan’s lips twitch with his own failed attempt to keep from smiling.
Gods, what a view.
His gaze abruptly shifts, and he stops dancing as the room brightens. I follow his line of sight to the open door where Chiyo stands with Taig in her arms. “What in Lugda’s hells did I just walk into?” she asks as she sets Taig down.
My heart lifts at the sight of Taig walking into the room. His steps are so much steadier lately. He looks at me and his eyes light up. But just as I make it close enough for a hug, he throws his arms out with excitement, then turns and walks the other way as if heading back outside.
“Wow, nice to see you too,” I say with a chuckle.
Chiyo redirects him to me. “Give your sister a hug.”
Taig wiggles and gives a wide-mouthed laugh as Chiyo pokes him in the side. I get down onto my knees and wrap my arms around him. When I stand again, I glance at Tiernan and smile. “Thank you for the talk and the dance,” I silently sign.
He smiles and nods. “You’re very welcome, beautiful.”