Chapter 28 #2
“I used to run away a lot as a child,” Odgar says quietly.
“Never felt like I belonged. I had this ability to bend water—something that people claimed was a blessing. The weight on my shoulders was so heavy sometimes. Either I was expected to be a savior or someone’s worst nightmare.
Often it was the latter, thanks to the role my father gave me. ” His pause is heavy.
“My illegitimacy is obvious.” He lifts his hand, displaying the back of his palm and pointing out his coppery brown complexion.
“I don’t have the same mother as Freyr and Valdis, obviously.
My mother was a foreigner—outcasted by most Uldarans, naturally.
Thank the gods my powers made people too afraid to challenge me.
Especially given my reputation and my role I was forced to take on.
Especially when my father so publicly declared me his son.
When he died, my brother took the throne with a public declaration that I was still the legitimate heir.
After Valdis, of course. He relieved me of the role I hated.
A life I never wanted. He gave me a fresh start. ”
His words flow over me, so different yet so oddly familiar to my own plights.
“To never feel like you belong in your own homeland is hard. To feel estranged in your own body must be harder.”
I gaze up into his eyes, realizing that he’s talking about me. I swallow as my heart cracks, only to immediately fuse. I’ve been broken enough times; it won’t happen again.
“I’ve felt like that even before the—” I pause, hesitating. But what am I afraid of? He’s seen me overcome with Enidwen’s vengeful spirit. “Before the curse awoke within me.”
Deep lines form on his forehead, but he doesn’t step back from me at the mention of the curse.
From above, white flecks float down through the air. The first speck lands on my face, chilling me. We both glance up at the dark sky as snow begins to fall. “Welcome to summer in Uldarvik,” he says with a smile. He extends his hand to me, an encouraging look on his face.
He leads me a few steps forward, and we duck our heads to enter the dark, rocky hollow, the vivid moon providing just enough light.
It’s just large enough to fit both of us.
I sit and pull my legs to my chest, tucking my feet underneath my dress.
Odgar sidles close to me and loops his arm around my back.
“Tell me about the curse.”
When my body tenses, he gives me a comforting squeeze.
I close my eyes and try to focus on everything else outside of my fears.
“About a millennia ago, a Dark Mage named Enidwen tore open the Veil and unleashed the Underling Prince. His spirit was too strong and overtook hers. Unfortunately for them, her soul and the prince’s soul were said to be banished from our realm.
The truth is that while his was banished, hers latched on to one of my ancestors.
Since then, her spirit has been reborn through the generations, remaining dormant until … me.”
Odgar sucks in a breath, then blows it out on a slow, descending whistle.
Gnawing on my inner cheek, I let the words settle around us. I keep my face forward, not wanting to see his reaction.
“How does it feel to bear the curse?” he asks after a while.
That question makes me face him. There’s an uncanny gentleness in his eyes as he leans in slightly, his lips parted with curiosity.
My throat constricts, making my voice sound hoarse as I respond. “Like I could lose my mind at any moment. Or lose control.” I blink through my tears. “I … can hear her voice. I can feel her emotions at times. When I give in to my anger in particular, she sort of—”
“Takes over?”
I nod. “So when the Seer said I’m chaos, it wasn’t just some casual statement..”
I expect fear or at least concern in his eyes, but instead there’s something that looks oddly like understanding.
Like acceptance. Pensive, he folds his lips in while my tears flow unchecked down my cheeks.
The cool air immediately dries them on my skin while the snow falls outside our little shelter.
Realization widens Odgar’s eyes. “Is this why you don’t want children?”
I nod somberly.
“While you may have this Enidwen living inside you, you’re still Carys,” he says.
Taking a deep breath, I finally tell him everything about the conversation with the Seer—about the cure for the curse and Serpent’s Hollow—Siad Nahar. “I feel less and less like myself,” I admit. “I need that cure.”
He sighs. “Alright.” Staring into the distance for a while, he seems to come to some sort of conclusion.
He turns back to me and says with determination, “We’ll leave Uldarvik and find the Serpent’s Hollow.
We’ll get you that cure. When the sun disappears, Valdis, Seth, Briony, and the crew will be here. ”
“How—”
“We’ve talked about it. And the moment I saw what you could do to that man who attacked you, I told Valdis to gather everyone and meet us here. If we stay, you’ll have to go through a trial, and even though we’re betrothed, you’re an outsider here. I can’t risk that. I’d rather leave.”
“But this is your homeland! You can’t … We’ve not even been wed. You have no obligation to look after me.”
“Carys, I’d sail to the ends of the earth if it would bring you ease.
I’d bury my axe in the heart of anyone who dares to lay a finger on you.
” His hand clenches momentarily in his lap as he exhales loudly.
“You need to get back to Erleya, and I happen to have a ship and a crew. I will be right by your side. Even if you hate me, even if you don’t trust me yet. ”
Gods, there’s my heart cracking again. “I don’t hate you,” I say softly. Willpower is etched into his face, curls spilling from the braids over his shoulder. He looks …
“Are you alright?” he asks. He lifts his hand hesitantly before placing it on my cheek, his callused thumb stroking across my skin with such gentleness.
When we danced at the Feast, it felt so simple. The pressures from Iywan and the Council had ceased to exist. I remember the feeling of his hand against my exposed lower back. His playful—albeit cocky—comments. All at once, flutters fill my stomach—a feeling I can’t remember having.
At least, not in this way.
Part of me wants to reject the feelings—to shove them deep down, back to wherever they’ve been hiding. But the mixture of meekness and strength in Odgar’s eyes pierces my hardened heart.
My gaze drifts down to his full lips, and I find myself reaching out to him for once. My fingertips trace over the antler tattoo on his cheek, partially hidden by the soft hair of his beard. He places his hand over mine, and I lean in before I can lose my tenacity.
Salty tears mingle with the taste of something sweet as his lips move against mine. My eyes drift closed, his hand slips behind my head. The kiss is tender and bottomless, filling me with pleasant warmth. I’m breathless and dizzied by the sudden shift from perpetual agony to gratification.
Until something bright infiltrates my eyelids, drawing them open to light wavering through the hollow. Fear grabs ahold of me as I expect an ambush. But no …
The most vibrant purples and greens dance through the dark sky, billowing and oscillating. Stealing my breath. Odgar wraps his arm around my shoulders, a blanket against the frigid air. My cheeks ache before I realize I’m smiling at the incredible view.
“One of my favorite sights,” Odgar murmurs as I rest my head on his shoulder.
I hum in agreement, my eyes still on the beautiful choreography of the aurora.
It takes a moment before his words fully sink in. I lift my head, turning to look at him. “One of your favorite sights?” I ask. “What’s your favorite?”
His gaze meets mine, the lights reflecting in his eyes as his lips curve upward. “Your smile.”