Chapter 58
I awake to the sensation of metal cuffs around my wrists.
The sear of tearing flesh as Eefa’s knife cleaves into me again and again.
Flames break out along my palms and crawl up my arms as my heart threatens to burst and my lungs fight for air.
Stumbling out of bed, I try to steady my breathing.
I struggle to recall all the ways Alys taught me to ground myself over the years.
But how do I ground myself when the whole bloody boat is rocking? Why did I think going back to Erleya would be a good idea?
Gods, I’ve made a mistake. What if I’m captured again? What if they lock a conduit onto my wrist once more and wield my soul like Eefa said Iywan would have. They might be dead, but more monsters prowl the kingdom.
I try to push the flames back into my body, but no matter how hard I will the fire away, it remains. The small cabin grows hotter, my breathing harsher.
There seems to be only one way to stop this. Before I burn the ship down and kill us all. I don’t want any more blood on my hands. Especially not these wonderful people who left their homeland to ensure my safe return to Erleya. To aid me in a completely impossible task.
Still breathing harshly, I rush toward the water cask in the corner of my cabin, struggling to get it open without setting it on fire. As I yank the cover free, it drops with a loud thud. I wince but waste no more time before I plunge my arms elbow deep into the lukewarm water.
To my dismay, the water simmers, then begins to bubble and boil. More heat surges through me, becoming almost overwhelming. I yank my arms free, and tiny sparks flicker along my fingers and the backs of my hands, as though fighting to find a way out.
My powers howl within me, darkness warring with flames. Cold battling heat. Enidwen’s glee bleeds through the fortifications of my mind, light cackling filling the spaces where I’ve managed to keep her out.
Embrace it, she whispers.
“Stop.”
You cannot keep fighting.
I somehow keep my voice low, though it trembles from the effort. “Make it stop. Please.”
Drip, drip, drip.
The water from my hands drops onto the floor and my mind is thrown back into the tunnels below Paramount. To the incessant dripping that spanned the days I was tortured. I clutch my hands to my body and stumble, falling to my knees.
The door creaks open and Odgar peeks in, a lantern casting a shadow on his face. “Carys,” he says, shock lacing his voice. He sounds distant over the roar in my ears.
“Don’t come in!” I shout.
The infuriating man steps into the room, closing the door behind him and hanging his lantern on a hook on the wall.
“I said stay away! Water’s not helping. I tried. I tried …” I nod toward the cask as sobs quake in my chest. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to swallow the tears, to pull myself together. “Leave! Please.”
I keep my eyes shut until I feel him close by.
He’s on his knees in front of me, his hand reaching out to my face.
Lurching to my feet, I quickly back myself against the wall and press into it.
I concentrate on keeping the heat within me.
But it’s burning. Blistering. It’s not supposed to be this way.
I wish I could phase through the wood and into the ocean.
Perhaps that’s the solution. Perhaps I should submerge my entire body—to sink to the bottom of the sea.
I’d never be able to use my powers again. Everyone will be spared.
“Carys, if you keep trying to hold it in, you’re going to implode,” Odgar says as he rises from the floor to approach me.
“If I release it, I’ll burn down the whole fucking ship!”
“I won’t let you do that. Just trust me.” He holds his hands out to me. “Place your hands in mine. I can take it.”
“You’re mental!”
He chuckles. “So I’ve been told.” His large hands are still held out, palms up, waiting patiently.
“I’m going to hurt you.” I sound like a whining child, but I’m desperate to get away from him while he insists on only getting closer. I’m helpless! My brother’s screams echo in my memories. The blast of fire is so vivid in my mind, as is the guilt, the agony, and grief.
“Dammit, Carys. Give me your hands before you detonate.”
Closing my eyes again, I slam my palms against Odgar’s.
I expect him to go up in flames, for everything to go up in flames.
Instead, a cool sensation streams through me.
The fire doesn’t immediately dissipate, but it dies down to embers.
I open my eyes to a pained expression across Odgar’s face—his teeth are clenched and sweat beads on his skin.
Steam rises from our hands, wavering in the air.
“Odgar—”
He pulls me against him and wraps his arms around my body, holding me tight as the coolness of his magic surrounds me.
Slowly, the overwhelming burning begins to wane.
I press my face to his chest and relax in his embrace, tuning into the strong beat of his heart, and each steady breath he takes.
I remain there in his arms until my teeth begin to chatter and I start to shiver.
It’s only when I lift my head from his chest that his arms relax and he releases me. He steps back and takes my face in his freezing cold hands. “Better?”
I nod against his hands and swallow, my mouth as dry as parchment. His nightshirt is charred in places, holes large enough to peek through to the tattoos along his torso and arms. His cheeks are red, eyes watering. My breath seizes in my lungs.
When I speak, my voice sounds arid. “You are either brave or foolish.”
He smiles wearily. “Why not both?” He lets his hands fall as his eyes drop from my face to the rest of me.
I dare to glance down at myself. The hem of my nightgown is singed, charred holes scattered over the rest of the garment, just like Odgar’s.
“When we get to Erleya, we should see if there’s a Mage who can charm some of your clothing,” Odgar says.
“So, they don’t constantly burn right off you. ”
My heart pounds at the thought of being back in Erleya.
“You need to release some of that pent-up magical energy, immediately. Get dressed. Just a light gown and some boots. I’ll be right back.”
A while later, I’m climbing down a rope ladder against the side of the ship. “This is ridiculous!” I call down to Odgar who awaits me in a rowboat below.
“Well, do you have any better ideas, revna?”
I huff with annoyance. Above, Seth is stabilizing the rope. “If you’re afraid of heights,” he calls down, “just keep your sight level, or up here. I’ll let you know when you’re almost at the bottom.”
“No, I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of—” My gaze sweeps behind me, over the water. I can still remember the burn of it in my lungs. My heart races, but I keep moving.
Until my feet hit solid ground … or well, the swaying bottom of the boat. Gods, this may be even worse than the bloody ship. I plop down nonetheless, and the boat rocks furiously, causing Odgar to grab on to the sides.
“Careful,” he says with a smirk. “I’d hate for you to fall in after taking an eon to get down here.”
“Shut up.”
He grins and grabs the oars, beginning to row away from the ship.
I watch in silence as the ship grows smaller and starts to disappear into the dark of night.
The thought of water filling my lungs and stinging my eyes returns to my mind and the panic ratchets up.
. “Why in hells are you sailing so far away?”
“I’m attached to that ship. I’d rather not see it go up in flames.”
My heart lurches. I take a deep breath, and when we’re far away enough, Odgar throws an anchor tied to a chain overboard. We sit there, the boat bobbing up and down in the serene waves. At least the ocean seems fairly calm tonight.
“Alright, raven warrior. Do your worst. Or your best.”
“I … don’t know what to do?”
He gestures with a grand sweep of his arm, and I huff a sigh at him. “Just blast fire out there …”
I frown but scoot toward the front of the boat, awkwardly fixing my skirt around me, bracing my feet against the bottom. I extend my hands, but nothing happens. Then again, and again, with still nothing. Even though the magic bubbles beneath my skin.
“It’s probably just performance anxiety,” says Odgar. “Maybe you need to stand up.”
“And fall in?” My voice is shrilly, panicked.
Odgar chuckles. “I won’t let you.”
“You are awfully cocky, you know that?”
He sidles closer with a mischievous smirk. “Cocky, eh?”
I slap the back of my hand against his arm.
In turn, he waves his hand over my head. What in hells is he—? But cold water splashes over me before I can finish the thought, drenching my hair and my dress.
I gasp, my muscles seizing up. “What the fuck, Odgar?” I shout, clearing wet strands of hair from my eyes and blinking the water from my lashes.
His resonant laughter is truly irritating. Immediately, sparks rise in my palms, drying them. I turn my glower to Odgar.
“You’re welcome,” he says with a shrug, and I mumble more swearwords than perhaps are necessary.
I hold on to his muscular shoulder and get to my feet, water dripping from my hair. “You’re fortunate that worked,” I grumble.
Grinning, he sidles closer and wraps his hands around the place just above my knees to hold me steady.
I ignore the tiniest jolt of lightning from his touch and the warmth gathering in my belly. Drawing in a breath, I focus on the energy growing in my hands. With an exhalation, I push my hands forward, propelling a stream of fire out into the ocean.
Shades of radiant orange dance over the dark water, an oddly soothing sight, turning the night air balmy and my skin slick with sweat. When my magic stops pulsing like an erratic heartbeat and my muscles begin to tire, I stop and plop back down into the boat.
Odgar stares at me in awe as I take steady breaths.
“How do you feel?” he asks.
“Better.”
“Good.”
As I stare across the water, bright flames flare to life on the surface.
I startle, but when I blink, there’s nothing there.
Still, I can smell the acrid smoke and feel the singe of heat—I can see the bushes beneath Paramount burning all around me.
My hands begin to shake, and I clasp them together.
The pent-up magic may be soothed for now, but the memories will never be.
“Are you alright?” Odgar asks, something heavy and warm settling around my shoulders. His cloak.
I exhale shakily. “No.” Closing my eyes, I search for balance within myself. “I told you that everyone thinks I’m dead, but I never truly explained …” When I look to Odgar again, his head is tilted slightly, his eyes intent.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.” I blow out a loud breath through my lips and shake out my arms, the mere memory tensing my muscles.
I pin my gaze on the dark water as I tell Odgar my story.
“My royal advisor Iywan, Briony, and one of my servants, Eefa, had been working with the Zenith. When they discovered that I could read ancient texts, they held me captive in hopes of getting me to tell them about the prophecy. I don’t even know how long they tortured me for, but—”
I pause to breathe through the panic hurtling toward me.
Odgar’s hand on my back steadies me, comforts me.
“Eefa took pleasure in every cut, every sordid word about me. She stuck her dagger into me, over and over. Until I didn’t think I could take it anymore.
Until I wanted to die. But Briony kept healing me. ”
The words pour out of me like wine from a broken cask.
I bite my lip, wanting to hold back the words, but they just keep flowing.
I tell Odgar how Briony turned against the Zenith, and how she and Angharad arranged my fake death.
I let myself relive the fear of drowning, of my own powers burning through me, of the difficult recovery.
It takes all my courage to turn to Odgar, to face his glistening eyes and pained expression. I swallow and feel the trickle of tears on my face.
Water laps against the side of the boat, the soft whoosh of the waves keeping me calm. It’s a while before Odgar says, “You are so much stronger than you realize.”
I let out a shaky breath.
“I’m glad that you made it to Uldarvik.”
“Me too,” I say tearfully.
He wraps an arm around my shoulder, tugging me close. I feel tons lighter, though I know it won’t last. After a while, the wind has me trembling even under Odgar’s warm embrace and his heavy cloak.
Odgar leans away and lifts the oars again. “Let’s get you warmed up,” he says. He rows us back to the main ship in silence. I look at my hands, surprised that so much power can willingly be Wielded, but at least this time, no one was hurt.
When we’re almost back at the ship, I glance at Odgar again. “Thank you,” I say.
He smiles at me, and my stomach somersaults. “Any time.”