Chapter 45
Nix
Ideepen the kiss.
I let the feeling of him sweep my stress away.
Volik’s hands move across my body. Over my back. Down my braid.
He’s so good to me.
He’s so… good.
Leaving. Staying. Comforting me.
Before we met, the idea of him felt so… other.
He’s a vampire. An Alt.
A supernatural man.
He was an unknown.
A danger.
Someone I was supposed to fear.
But every moment together, every heartbeat we share, he’s only ever made me feel safe.
I’ve been afraid of my feelings. My reactions to him. But never of him.
I curl my tongue around his fang. And the length I’m seated on pulses.
Volik groans.
My shorts are thin. His sweatpants are painted on. And the heat between us…
I rock my hips, and his hands move down to my ass.
I slide my fingers up the back of his head, through his hair.
His body vibrates against mine.
I grip the base of his horn with one hand, the other scratching down his neck.
He groans again. And a pulse of energy moves between our chests.
My skin starts to buzz. Not like it did after my shower. Like it did yesterday, before Volik shredded my clothes.
Hands gripping my hips, Volik pushes me back.
Our mouths part, and I let out a whimper at the loss.
“If you do not want me to fuck you, you must let go.” Volik’s words are rough, and it takes me a second to understand.
I look up at where his head is tipped forward. To where I’m still gripping his horn.
The throb in my pussy radiates up my spine. “Do you not want…?”
Volik lifts his head and meets my eyes. “I will always want. But last night… I… I am not sure you had a choice.”
Last night, the need was all-consuming.
The pull was nearly impossible.
Nearly.
But I was still enough of myself.
And Volik… He offered a knife through the heart for me.
“I had a choice.” I tell him the truth, but I still loosen my hand and let it slide down to his shoulder.
Because as much as I want to give in and let him take me, and as much as I feel safe with him, I don’t know him.
Taking a breath, I glance back up at his horns.
I didn’t think there would be much feeling in them. But…
“Do you have… nerves in them?”
Volik tilts his head. “My horns?”
I nod. “They seem to be, uh, sensitive.”
Volik smirks. “Da. But they were not like that before.”
“Does it hurt if you hit them on something?”
“I think if someone cut them off, that would hurt.” Volik slides one hand off my hip and uses his knuckles to knock on the side of a horn. “But it does not hurt to hit them.”
I dart my hands out to pull his arm down, not liking him doing that.
But instead of pulling his arm away from his head, I just pull myself closer to him, sliding forward on his lap until our bodies are flush again.
His arm didn’t even budge.
My full weight, and his arm didn’t move an inch.
“How strong are you?”
His smirk returns. “Very.”
I roll my eyes. And his smirk grows to a smile.
“What?”
He leans his face closer to mine. “I like when you do that.”
“When I do what?”
“When you roll your eyes at me.”
My brows lift. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” He dips his chin.
“Why?”
“No one else does.”
“That…” I press my lips together.
I was going to say that can’t be true. But… I’m actually certain it is.
Pressure builds in my eyes, and I try so hard to keep my tears from forming.
I never thought about it.
None of the articles I’ve read. None of the research I’ve done… No one ever mentioned it.
How lonely it must be to be a vampire.
How isolating.
And for such a long time.
Volik’s brows furrow, and his nostrils flare.
“How old are you?” I blink as I ask him, forcing the moisture to stay in my eyes.
His expression doesn’t change as he answers. “Two hundred and… eighty-three. I think.”
I sniff.
“Nix—”
“When is your birthday?”
He sighs but doesn’t fight me cutting him off. “Spring.”
For some reason, that response comes off as adorable, not sad.
“When is your birthday?” Volik lowers his hand back to my hip, holding me, not pushing me back.
I rest my hands on his shoulders. “Yesterday. I turned thirty. At 12:07.”
His fingers flex against my hips. “That is when it happened. Da?”
I nod.
“Happy birthday.” His thumb rubs a line over the top of my thigh. “You were not hurt, when it happened?”
“No.” I shake my head. “It’s a little blurry if I try to remember the moment exactly. But I was about to take a bite out of my cupcake when something… happened. Which is why I dropped it. Thank you, by the way, for the replacement cupcake. That was nice of you.”
“You are welcome.”
“It’s… kind of a tradition,” I tell him in a quiet voice. “Eating my dessert on the minute of my birthday.”
His thumb strokes that line again as he dips his chin. “I will do that with you.”
My mouth opens… but I just breathe.
His nostrils flare again, and he sits up straighter. “What? Why are you going to cry again?”
“I’m not,” I whisper.
“Da. You are.”
I sniff. “Is that Russian?”
“Da.” He leans closer, until our noses are almost touching. “Tell me. Why are you crying, Flower?”
I slide my hands up the slope of his shoulders to palm the sides of his neck.
Just a moment ago, I nearly cried thinking about how lonely he’s probably been. And now I’m about to cry thinking about how lonely I have been.
“I would like that. Eating birthday dessert together.”
He looks like he wants to press more, but he doesn’t. And I’m glad, because I don’t want to talk about my family right now. “We will do it every year.”
One tear breaks free, sliding down my cheek.
Volik swallows. “I do not like your tears.”
A small laugh bubbles out of me.
“I am not joking.”
I exhale my sadness. “I know. It was just… cute.”
Volik pulls his head back with the most confused expression on his face. And I refuse to let it make me sad that no one has ever called him cute before. Because now I can.
“How many languages can you speak?”
“Lots.” Volik shrugs. “What did it feel like at 12:07?”
“Like…” I close my eyes, trying to remember.
“Like something hit me in the chest, but not in a bad way. It was… hot. It felt like my body was filling with lava. And then…” I open my eyes.
“I could feel you. It felt like a rope was tied around my body, pulling me forward. I didn’t understand.
I mean, I still don’t really understand.
But as soon as I saw you…When you stepped into my building…
I knew you were who I was trying to find. ”
My heartbeat quickens. His quickens. And Volik wraps his arms around me, pulling me tight against his chest.
I lean my head on his shoulder, feeling his rumble.
This is his happy sound.
Volik nuzzles his cheek against my hair. “I have waited so long for you.” He kisses my hair. “No. No more crying.”
“I’m not,” I lie as a tear drips onto his shoulder.
“My mate is perfect.” He sighs. “Except she is a liar.”
I grin against his warmth. “Is there a reason you talk so formally?”
“What do you mean?”
“Just how you say things.”
He rubs his cheek against my hair again. “How do I say things?”
“I think it’s that you don’t use contractions.”
The hand stroking up my back pauses, then continues its path. “I use contractions.”
I shake my head against him. “I’ve never heard you use one.”
“That… Hmm.” My lips pull into a smile as I hear him realize it. “I think in contractions.”
“You think in them?”
“Da. In my mind.”
“Like when you’re thinking?”
“Da.” His hand slides back down my spine. “I don’t know why I do that. Maybe because I don’t talk out loud much.”
My smile fades, and I close my eyes.
I will not cry over that too.
“Well.” I take a calming breath. “You can talk however you want with me.”
His chest rumbles again, and I wiggle against his body, absorbing the vibrations.
“It feels like you’re purring.”
He hums. “I think I am.”
“Really?” My smile returns.
“It is… new.”
I turn my face into his neck. “I like it.”
“Good.”
We sit together, in the soft sound of his purr, before I speak again. “Will you tell me about your family?”
Volik leans back, keeping my body hugged to his, as he relaxes into the couch. “I will tell you. But no more crying.” One hand settles on the back of my neck as his other arm stays draped across my back.
“I won’t.”
“If you do, I will stop.”
“I’m rolling my eyes at you.”
Volik squeezes me, and I melt into him.
If he’s telling me not to cry, that means he’s going to tell me something sad. But I’ll do my best to keep my word.
“I grew up outside of a small village, in a comfortable home. My mother liked flowers…” Volik inhales against my hair. “My brother is fifteen years older, but he was good to me. It is hard to remember being so young, but he was my first friend.”
Memories of my brother slip into my mind.
One tear, then another, drip from my closed eyes.
I never should’ve promised not to cry.
Volik’s chest rumbles in the softest purr, making my tears fall faster, but he doesn’t stop talking.
“My parents said they felt lucky to have a second child. My mother called me her miracle.” His tone is so soft it makes my chest ache.
“Our females cannot get pregnant until they are past seventy. And even then, vampires do not have many children. It is nature’s way to control the population.
Too many vampires would be unstoppable, and a threat to the natural order of things.
” Lips press against my hair. “I do not know if the rules will be the same for you, but we will find out.”
I keep my eyes closed as I nod against him.
After last night, I should be worried about pregnancy. But my brain rejects the emotion. Like it knows we aren’t. And we won’t be anytime soon.
I haven’t considered children much, since I haven’t considered sex much. But I’m not against the idea.
I don’t know about being pregnant at seventy… But maybe being mated to a vampire means my life will be longer than normal.
Volik strokes his hand down my back. “We were a happy family of four. But when I was six, my parents were murdered.”
The air leaves my lungs.
When he was six?
I keep my eyes squeezed shut, fighting off the tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“I still had my brother.” Volik continues to rub my back, comforting me.
“What’s your brother’s name?” I whisper.
With my forehead tucked against his neck, I feel Volik swallow.
“Vameer,” he whispers back.
I breathe in the mint. “Vameer, a good name.”
I feel him nod.
“Volik is a good name too.”
Fingers flex against my neck. “Not as good as Nix. My nighttime goddess.”
It’s my turn to swallow. “My brother’s name was Lucas. The bringer of light.”
Volik’s exhale is rough. “Was?”
I nod, more tears falling.
“Tell me another time.”
I nod again.
Volik squeezes me to him. “Vampires reach maturity at thirty. We are born with our powers inside us. Our fangs and horns grow as we grow. But at thirty, we are who we are. The size of our bodies. The strength of our gravito.”
“Gravito?”
“The power inside us.” A small pulse moves out of Volik, different from his purr. “It is how we move so fast. How we can move other things.”
“Like when you grabbed my sweater from across the room?”
“Da.” Volik hums. “So, when I was six, Vameer was still only twenty-one. Still young. But he took good care of us. And some years later, our uncle found us.”
“Years?” I almost open my eyes at that, but Volik’s warmth and the vibrations of his voice are turning my muscles to jelly.
“When people live for centuries, they treat time differently.” Volik says it simply.
I try—and fail—to wrap my mind around that. “So it was just the two of you until then?”
“It was so long ago. Before phones. Before electricity. We did not know who to trust. And we did not know the way to our relatives’ home.
” Volik shrugs. As if that wasn’t tremendously traumatizing for a child.
“We had our gravito, and Vameer was already very good, but we were too young to jump long distances without getting lost.”
My mind tries to grab the questions floating through it… but Volik’s purring starts again, and I let them go.
“After my uncle showed up, he took us to live with him and his mate, my Aunt Bridget. They never had children and treated us as their own.”
“Are they still… around?”
“Da.”
“Do you get along with them?”
“Da. They are good people.” I feel Volik move, like he’s shaking his head. “I have put off seeing them for too long.”
“How long has it been?” I can’t help but ask.
“Decades. I do not remember how many. They have reached out. I told them I would find time, but I have not.”
“Is your brother with them still?”
“Nyet. He came with us when my uncle first found us, but after I got settled, Vameer left. He has not lived with family since.”
“Where’d he go?”
“Battle.” He says it without resentment. Like he understands. “It was unheard of, fighting that young. It made him more vulnerable. But he was strong, even then. And with our bloodline, and his rage… Vameer became what we call one of the warrior class. Few remain.”
“But he’s… still alive?”
“He is. I can feel it.” Volik exhales. “But he is missing. I look for signs of him. That is mostly what I do when I am at the university.”
Sorrow for Volik wraps around my throat. “How long has he been gone?”
“One hundred and three years.” Volik leans his cheek against the top of my head. “I will continue to look, until I find him.”
One hundred and three years.
That’s… unfathomable.
I can’t imagine my brother being alive and going a century without seeing him.
“Do you think he’s hiding from something?”
“I am unsure. But I think…” Volik sighs. “I think he is hibernating.”
“Like what bears do?”
Volik makes a sound of humor. “Da. Like the bears. Only I think maybe he lost track of time. Or maybe he cannot wake up.”
Exhaustion dulls the horror I feel at that statement.
Stuck in sleep for that long…
Unable to wake…
I press my mouth against Volik’s neck, filling my lungs with his mint.
Arms shift around me, and I’m lifted as Volik stands.
“Time for you to sleep, Mate.”
I murmur my agreement.
And then I fall into the warmth.