Chapter 66 #2
I sit up, and Volik follows, moving so his legs surround me. One behind, one in front as he looks at the side of my face.
“Mate.” He places a hand on my back and one over his heart. “Please, tell me what just happened.”
Stretching my right leg out over his, I drag my finger over my knee.
Over the smooth, unmarked skin.
“I… had a scar.” I draw a short line with my fingertip. “It’s gone now.”
Volik moves his hand off his chest to cover mine, blocking my view of the healed scar. “What happened?”
I swallow. “Not a what. A who.”
Volik doesn’t move.
He doesn’t tense.
His fingers stay gentle over mine.
But the room… it shakes.
“Who?”
“A—” I turn my head, meeting Volik’s eyes. “It was a man.”
The tremor around us intensifies until Volik closes his eyes and takes a slow breath.
The room stills, and his eyes open. “Tell me.”
I press my lips together, needing them not to tremble, but stop when my fang threatens to break skin.
The palm on my back strokes slowly up, then down. “Tell me, Mea Unica.”
“I will.” I nod. “I just… Have you ever had a girlfriend?”
Volik slowly shakes his head.
“But you weren’t a… virgin. Right?”
He slowly shakes his head again. “I am sorry.”
“No—”
“I should have waited for you.” His voice sounds like heartbreak. “I am sorry. You are My Only and—”
“Volik, stop. That’s not—”
“I was a fool. Young. I knew I would eventually meet—” He slides his hand down my back, like he might pull it away from me completely.
Twisting, I put my hand over his mouth as I shift on the mattress to face him. “Just shut up, okay? And put your hands back on me.”
I’m sitting cross-legged between his spread legs, so he settles his hands on my bare thighs.
I lower my hands so they’re on top of his. “I’m not mad at you. I don’t hold your past against you.” I mean it, even though my chest feels extra heavy when I think about it. “I-it was a long time ago?” My voice loses its certainty, giving away the fact that even though I’m not mad, I don’t like it.
No, I don’t like the idea of another person knowing what Volik’s skin feels like. Knowing what his hands feel like.
His fingers flex against the softness of my thighs as he lowers his chin, his gaze dropping from mine. “It has been a long time. I… Eighty years, I think. Since then, I have not wanted.” He lifts his eyes back to mine. “I have never wanted, like I want you.”
“Good.”
Eighty years does make me feel a little bit better.
If I think about it more, I’ll have more questions. Like who? Were they humans? How could a human, who isn’t me, his mate, take him? Or before he grew, was his dick small enough—
A low sound fills the room.
“I am sorry.” Volik tips his head to the side, showing me his neck. And I realize the low sound is coming from me.
Shame shoves my jealousy aside.
“No. No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” I scrub my hands down my face in an attempt to clear my thoughts.
And I remind myself that eighty years ago was fifty years before I was even born.
And no one, not anyone but me, has had Volik as he is now.
No one but me has touched him since the bond changed him.
I pull my hands away from my face and reach for his shoulders.
When I shift onto my knees, Volik grips my ass and lifts me until I’m straddling him, sitting on his lap.
Keeping my arms down, under his, I rest my cheek on his chest and hug him.
He wraps his arms around me as his chest lets out a soft purr.
I know he’s doing it to comfort me. And it’s working.
Volik kisses my hair. “To my knowledge, the ones I have been with are dead.” I should be ashamed at how good that makes me feel, but I can’t deny the way it has the rest of my jealousy dissipating. “If they were not dead, I would take you to them so you could kill them.”
A completely inappropriate laugh bursts out of me.
I try to lift my head, but Volik presses my cheek back against his chest.
“I wouldn’t want to kill them.” I possibly lie.
His purr continues. “I would not be upset with you. If you had slept with a man before me, I would kill him. It is only fair.”
The statement reminds me of why I started this conversation, sobering me.
Since my arms can’t reach all the way around his body, I let my hands slide down until I can hook my thumbs into the band of his pants.
Then I close my eyes, forcing myself to relax, hoping it, and Volik’s constant quiet purr, will help me remain calm.
“I’ve never had a boyfriend either.” I start, back at the beginning.
“I’ve always liked romantic stories. Movies.
I… touched myself on occasion. But when it came to real people…
I never met anyone I was interested in. The first time I kissed a boy, I was in high school.
He was nice, and I could tell he liked me.
And there was no reason for me not to like him.
But when his lips touched mine…” There’s a hitch in Volik’s purr.
“I got so nauseous I gagged.” His purr continues.
“A few years later, at a party in college, I got drunk and tried to make out with a random guy. Thinking if I could just get past the first time… But before we even touched, I puked on him.”
“Good.” Volik hugs me tighter.
“I tried to kiss a girl my senior year of college, wondering if it was just men that made me sick, but the results were pretty much the same.” My exhale is heavy. “I thought I was broken. That something was wrong with me.”
“Nyet.” Volik rubs his cheek against my hair. “You were waiting for me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I wish I had.”
Volik’s purr increases. “Tell me. Then never think of it again.”
I inhale Volik’s minty scent and find I believe him.
If I tell him, I can be rid of it. I can never think of that night, or that man, ever again.
“I was twenty-three. One of my coworkers at the newspaper I worked at had gotten engaged, so we all went to the bar that weekend to celebrate. I was new in town. And feeling lonely. And I… I still thought that if I could just get past my aversion, I could finally date someone. I wasn’t even interested in anyone, I just didn’t want to be so lonely anymore.
” I curl my fingers around the waistband of Volik’s pants, needing to grip something.
I hate that I didn’t know Volik was here the whole time.
“Tu es ma vie. Avant et après. Toujour, Ma Fleur.” His voice is full of affection, and it cracks my heart.
“I drank more than I usually would, and when a guy asked if I wanted to go back to his place…” I swallow.
“The second I stepped into his house, I should’ve turned around and left.
But I thought… We sat on the couch, and the nausea was instant.
But I tried to ignore it. I let him kiss me.
I… Volik, I couldn’t do it. I tried to be okay with it, but when he started to put his hand under my shirt, I lost it.
” Taking a breath, I open my eyes and stare at Volik’s bare chest, reminding myself where I am.
Who I’m with. “I told him to stop.” My tone is flat, detached, as I force the moment to stay in the past. “I pushed him away and tried to stand, but he got on top of me. I was trying to scream, but I was crying too hard.” The arms around me flex as the chest against mine vibrates louder.
“When he let go of my hands to go for my shorts, I grabbed the beer bottle off the side table and hit him with it.” I let Volik’s purr calm my racing pulse.
“As soon as the glass shattered, he reached up to the cut on his head, and I scrambled off the couch. He tried to stop me. But when he grabbed my leg, his hands were slippery with blood, so he just tripped me. I didn’t realize until I was out on the street that I had a piece of the broken bottle stuck in my knee.
” I shudder as I remember looking down and seeing the blood trailing from my cut and mixing with the bloody handprint he left on my shin.
“It was late. There was no one else outside, but the neighborhood seemed alright. Family homes. I think that’s why he didn’t follow me out of the house. ”
Volik’s exhales are rough, and I think the tremors around me are more than just his purring. His voice is tight, and I know he’s doing what he can to stay calm. “What happened next?”
I release my grip on his pants and flatten my hands against Volik’s back.
“I ran a few houses down, to one that didn’t have a fenced-in yard and used their hose to wash off my leg.
I know I should’ve left his blood on my leg, for evidence, but I…
I had to get it off me.” Even now, with my fangs, the idea of that man’s blood still disgusts me.
“I had this ugly purse. It was denim with a long cross-body strap. And I still had it on when… I hadn’t taken it off.
Once my knee stopped bleeding, I cut through a few more yards, then used my phone to get a ride. ”
A large hand strokes down my spine. “My clever mate. My strong mate.”
I let my eyes close as I soak in his praise, even while I feel the guilt. “I never reported it. I wanted to. But…”
“Tell me.”
“I went to my mom’s house the next day, and I told her. I thought she’d tell me what to do. Like, do I call 911? Do I go to the police station? Can I go near my apartment, or does it have to be in the town that guy lived in?”
“What did she say?”
My huff is acidic. “She told me there was no proof. That I should consider myself lucky after being so foolish. I pointed out the cut on my knee. And she said that was a result of me hitting him first. And that he could press assault charges against me.”
The room trembles with Volik’s anger, and it soothes me.
“I never told anyone else.” My voice is quiet. “Until now.”
The chest against my cheek expands as Volik takes a deep, slow breath.
I match his inhale, ready to tell him the last part.
The part that I memorized.
“I don’t know his last name. And I don’t know if the first name he gave me was real. But…” I let my eyes close again. I let my eyes close, and I let the guilt go, as I tell Volik the last detail. “I remember his address.”