Chapter 11
Eleven
Fear
The Hunt ended with the noise of a crowd that had seen enough violence to be satisfied. Clan banners moved through the arena as their members took stock of what the Hunt had cost them and what they’d taken from it.
Usually, either Bismyth or Amber took the Hunt. I didn’t care too much for winning these games of the queen’s, but Ander did, and historically, I enjoyed frustrating him. Otherwise, he was cursedly smug.
There was cheering from Malachite today, their banner swaying in their wild exuberance. They had not developed the appropriate restraint of those who were not surprised by victory. I congratulated them anyway; I’d been working on bringing Malachite’s second to my side.
When Obsidian returned from bowing, their banners crisp and faces empty, Seine passed without deigning to acknowledge me. He was fond of snubbing me, and I was fond of finding it amusing. Akia was at his side.
Good. If Akia was here, she would not be riding north tonight. Which meant Colm was leading Obsidian. I knew Colm well. He was easy to predict, even for Obsidian.
I moved through the edges of Bismuth. I had warned Anayla and Asrael to watch and not intervene. I had been more specific with Dairen, whose loyalty could be impulsive and expressed through breaking bones. I didn’t need a true war with Clan Amber.
Ander stood with Cara at his side. That always rankled me, favor or no. I didn’t like seeing him with her.
The arena floor was still clearing around us. There would be many witnesses and the queen’s spies still lingering. Ander had chosen well.
He’d also chosen well to maximize my embarrassment and his pleasure.
I stopped at a distance that was not conversational. “Ander.”
He looked at me with familiar weariness. “What do you want?”
“To speak to Cara. Alone.”
Around us, movement was slowing, the crowd having identified something worth watching.
“Cara is one of my clan. What you say to her, you say in front of me.” He gave me the pitying look that tempted me to real violence. “You wouldn’t understand. You have never had a clan, Fear. You have had a game board.”
Well. He was certainly dedicated to making this look as if he had provoked a fight. “I’m not going to have this conversation in the middle of the arena floor.”
“Mm. You lose power when you have to speak to several people who all have different fractions of your truth and fractions of your lies.” He offered me a smile that was a baring of teeth. “So, you’ll speak to my clan here or not at all.”
“Ander—”
“You want to take her, even though I won her. You’ve wrapped it in”—he gestured, a short, dismissive movement—“whichever version of the plan she’s seen.
And whatever she’s agreed to, she’s agreed to because you’re very good at making your pawns feel like they have a choice as you move them across the board. ”
“Cara is not a pawn.”
“Everyone is a pawn to you.” He meant it.
The arena was attentive. Technically, a good thing, even if this conversation felt as if it were tilting out of control.
“Would you stop being dramatic?” I demanded.
“You move your pawns and they thank you for it.” His voice was hard-edged. He had something to say, and if he could say it and make me owe him a favor for it, all the better.
I gritted my teeth and endured, crossing my arms. I would do that much for Cara; there was little need for me to act in this script. “Gods, Ander, just let me talk to her. It’s not a game. I—”
I broke off, because I’d been about to say I loved her, and I wouldn’t say that for the first time when it could be seen as part of a script. “I just need to talk to Cara.”
“Tell me this time is different. Tell me that Cara understands every maneuver, that she is queen on the board, not pawn.” He held my gaze. “Tell me you’re not doing exactly what you did before, with Tesa.”
Shock lanced through me. Her name landed the way a blade slipped through a gap in armor.
“Steady.” Shadowbane’s voice was soft.
I had been thinking of Tesa too often since I saw her. I had a debt I owed Ander.
He had many debts he owed me too. He had betrayed me and I would not forgive. But Tesa was beyond our enmity.
The name Tesa moved through the crowd. I had missed hearing her name all these years, missed remembering her when the only other person alive who had loved her despised me. But I hated hearing her name this way, as a murmured bit of gossip.
Ander’s face was stricken. He had cut himself more deeply than he had cut me.
It was a sacrifice made with good reason; when I disappeared, there would be no questioning why I had run.
The answer was in the regret on my face and the furious grief on his.
I had not heard Tesa’s name from him since he was scrabbling through the ashes.
He grabbed my tunic and yanked me closer. “Nothing to say for once in your life, Fieran? No story you’ve told yourself to share with the rest of us? To justify what you did to me?”
Real emotion bled through his voice.
Cara was at my side, small and fierce. “Let him go, Ander.”
His gaze went to her, his jaw tight. They shared a communicative look so quick that the crowd wouldn’t read it; I couldn’t either.
Ander released my tunic as he pushed me away, dismissive. There was disgust in the way he looked at me, though he spoke to Cara. “You’ve made your choice clear.”
His voice lifted for the crowd. “You’re no longer under Amber’s protection.”
The queen would be pleased knowing the pain and chaos she could inflict when she played Tesa like a card thrown between us.
Cara’s cheeks had gone pink, but she nodded, her mouth set.
Thanks to Ander, I really did feel as if I had wounds to lick. I doubted I had long before Cara asked me to explain Tesa.
Together, she and I walked away from the Trials.