19. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
Leo
Ihave to let Emma go.
Knowing she’s in danger because of what I have done is eating me up inside. She’s always wanted her freedom. I have to give it to her.
Watching her sleep next to me is the wake up call I needed. She looks so peaceful. So happy. She wants a life with me. Hell, she loves me and I love her.
But Matteo is still out there. He went after her because of me. Alessandro went after her because of me. I went after her when I never should have. Then again, she’d still be stuck with her mother.
Emma deserves the freedom she’s always wanted. I don’t want her to remain married to me just because I took her. She needs to choose me. Truly choose me. And she can’t if I don’t give her the choice.
“Hi,” she whispers after waking up. The way she snuggles under the covers makes her look so cute and delectable. It’s because I love her that I have to do this. “Are you ok? You look.. upset.”
“I don’t want to have to say this.”
Her body tenses. “Ok… Say what?”
I run my fingers down her cheek before pulling away. “You wanted your own freedom at one point, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“You should have it.”
She goes still for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… you should have the chance to live on your own. I’ll make sure you’re safe.
Always. But you deserve the chance to make your own choices in life.
I claimed you as my own and I know it was fucking wrong of me.
You have the right to decide what you want to do in life.
I know that now. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to see this. ”
She sits up in bed, holding the blanket to her naked chest. “You don’t want to be with me anymore?”
“Of course not. I love you, Emma. So fucking much. And it’s because I love you that I have to let you go.
You should get the chance to live on your own.
Seeing you almost die because of Matteo woke me up.
You’ll always be in danger married to me.
I want you to have the chance to live on your own.
To find your own independence. I want that. You always wanted that.”
“I did. I mean, I do. But I made the choice to be with you.”
“Can it really be a choice when I’ve always forced you? Don’t you want the chance to have your own apartment? Make your own money?”
“Yes,” she breathes out. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But that doesn’t mean I want to give you up. I love you, Leo. I don’t want to lose you.” Tears well up in her eyes.
I cup her face. “You won’t lose me. We can still see each other.
I’ll make sure you have a guard watching you for your own safety.
But you need to have time to yourself. You need your own independence.
It’s only fair. And only then if you still choose me, then we’ll both know it’s because you truly want to be with me. Not because I’m forcing you.”
“Why are you doing this?” she whispers as her tears cover my fingers.
“Because I love you and it’s the right thing to do. Even if it hurts. It hurts me. I don’t want to give you up. I’m a possessive man. But I have to do this. And you know it’s right. You need this chance, Emma. You’ve always wanted it.”
She sucks in a raggedy breath before letting it out. “You’re right. I’ve always wanted this. I don’t want to be a na?ve little girl. I want my own independence.”
“So here it is. You can have it. I’ll find an apartment for you.
Or you can choose one yourself. I’ll pay for it.
No strings attached. You can live on your own.
I can help you find a job. It’s killing me inside at the thought of letting you go but…
you need this. I know that. I’m trying to be selfless here even if it fucking hurts. ”
Her smile is filled with pain. “I know. I have wanted this for a long time.”
“I’m giving it to you.”
“That only makes me love you more.”
I place a tender kiss against her lips before pulling back. “Come back to me when you’re ready. But I need you to choose me for me. Not because I’ve made you.”
“Thank you, Leo.”
Seeing the light in her eyes is worth this pain even if it’s breaking my heart.
Emma
I find an apartment that I like – one thirty minutes away from Leo’s home. Though with Leo’s home having been burnt to the ground, he’ll have to find a new one eventually. Leo graciously pays for the apartment like he promised. He even helps me move in, though I can tell it’s eating him up inside.
“Just because we’re living in different places,” I say, placing my hand on his chest, “doesn’t mean we’ll never see each other again.”
“I know.”
We look around the empty apartment.
“I don’t have any things,” I whisper. The room is echoey with no furniture in it. “It all belonged to my mother.”
“We can get you things. Pick out furniture. Find art to put on the walls. Make this place your own. Here.” He hands me a credit card. “To get you started. Once again, no strings attached. I just want to help you out, Emma. Get you on your feet. Give you that fresh start you’ve needed.”
Leo’s kind actions only make me love him more. It makes me want to live with him but I know Leo is right. I need to have my own space for a while. Discover who I am on my own.
“Thank you,” I say, taking the card.
“And I found you a job. It’s a nearby bookstore. You had mentioned once the books you read growing up.”
“Thank you. This means everything.”
He lets out a little chuckle and sigh. “All I want right now is to throw you on the floor and have my way with you. But if I do that, I won’t be able to go and I have to go.”
My arousal flares through me but I push it down. Leo is right. We need some space.
“I’ll have a guard always watching you so you’re safe in case Matteo tries anything. But I haven’t heard anything on him in a few days. He must be in hiding. Gabriel and I will handle him. I promise.”
“I know. You’re good at keeping your promises.”
Leo gives me one more smile before he leaves my apartment. My apartment. My own space for the very first time in my entire life. It’s overwhelming. It’s frightening.
And yet, it’s the best feeling in the world because it’s complete and utter freedom.
I pick out my furniture myself. Finding a furniture store is easy.
Taking public transportation is easy. It’s all a lot easier than I thought it would be.
Of course, it helps to have Leo’s money.
But soon, I’ll be making my own money. It won’t be anywhere close to what he makes but it will give me some independence.
My eyes land on a bright, yellow couch. It’s very noisy. It’s something my mother would hate. She liked bland colors. Nothing with personality.
But I want a personality.
I buy the couch without hesitating. The rest of the apartment comes together after that. Multi-colored rugs. Abstract art for the walls. Lampshades that have crystals on them.
After a week, the apartment is furnished and it’s wild to say the least. It looks like someone threw up all different colors everywhere. And I love it.
It’s fully me. The girl who once didn’t have a voice has become a woman who now has a say in her own life.
I let out a squeal of happiness and flop onto my bright, yellow couch and I stay there for hours, soaking in my own space.
Working at the bookstore is a learning curve since I’ve never had a job before but the woman who runs it, Margaret, is kind to me, teaching me what I need to know and within a week, I have the job down.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen Leo and I miss him more and more every day. But I also know that this space is for the best. We need this. It’s what I keep telling myself.
“Why do you look so down today?” Margaret asks me as I sit at the front counter.
It’s a small bookstore – locally owned – giving it a quaint charm that feels cozy.
It feels safe and I love that. With her greying hair and wrinkles around her eyes, Margaret has a soft, calm presence about her. Almost… motherly.
“Just thinking.”
“Of?” She places a stack of books onto the counter. “What’s going on? You’ve kept to yourself a lot this past week. I thought it was because you were nervous.”
“I was nervous.”
“But there seems to be something else, isn’t there?”
I sigh. “Yes. I’m missing my husband.”
“You’re married? You’re so young.”
“I’m twenty. Not too young.”
“May I ask what happened to him?”
“Nothing happened. We’re just giving each other space. We both need it but I miss him.”
Margaret offers me a kind smile. “Does he know you miss him?”
“No. We haven’t spoken in weeks. But we needed this. I needed some of my own independence.”
“I get that. My advice from an old woman who’s lived a long life. Tell him you miss him. Talk it out. Communication is always the key.”
“Thank you. I’m still learning how to do that.”
“Because you’re young,” she says, gently nudging me with her shoulder. “But you have plenty of time to learn in life. Trust me on that.” She walks away to attend to a customer while I consider her words.
Living on my own and making my own money was what I always wanted. It’s been a dream having my own life. Every day, I’ve got to choose what I want to eat in the morning. What I wear. What I do when I’m not at work. It’s been healing.
But I still miss Leo and I cannot deny that. Does he miss me?
The thought that he might not pains me more than anything ever has.
Leo
Matteo is not going down without a fight.
“He’s going to keep coming after us,” I say as Gabriel and I head into his restaurant. Rocco is already waiting for us. “He just went after one of your gun shipments. He’s not going to stop.”
“I know, Leo,” Gabriel says in a hard voice. “Which is why we either need to kill him or offer him another deal and see if he accepts and is willing to make peace again.”
I scoff. “He went after Emma. I want him dead.”
Gabriel places his hand on my shoulder. “I know that. But if we can get him to make peace, it’s better for everyone. You can agree on that.” He nods at Rocco. “Thank you for coming today. I had something I needed to discuss with you.”
We all settle down in the back booth away from the paying customers.