ALICE
The soles of my boots stuck to the sidewalk and then peeled away again with every step.
Drunk tourists who are allowed to wander the streets with their drinks aren't exactly worried about all the alcohol splashing out of their cups.
Especially when there are beads to catch.
I walked most of a block through the sugary mess before I even noticed.
And that told you everything you needed to know about where my mind was.
I'd spent the last four days in Judy's garden, which was as far from the house as she'd allow me to go, and honestly, I was grateful to at least get to breathe some fresh air.
Plus, to be clear, there's dirt under my nails more often than not.
When something is bothering me and won't let go, I go back to nature, to mother earth, and dig my fingers into the ground until the smell of bruised herbs comes up around me, and whatever burden I'm carrying lightens.
The earth has never once failed me. An hour on my knees and I can breathe.
I can think. I can bring the problem into perspective.
But it wasn't working this time. I'd already stripped one whole bed down until my fingers were numb from the cold, pulled out all the dead things and probably some that were still alive, and I was still angry when I came inside.
Aunt Judy watched me scrub the dirt from my hands at the kitchen sink, but for once had the good sense not to say anything.
The problem was that I could still feel him.
And I had the feeling that no amount of grounding myself was going to get rid of that feeling.
I ached for him. Physically ached. Constantly.
A needy feeling that was raw and insistent between my thighs, craving the grind of his hips, wanting to feel the sweep of his tongue in my mouth, feel his hands on my bare skin.
Twice I leaned into the rosemary and thought I caught the ghost of his smell instead, and I got so lightheaded had to sit back on my heels until it passed.
But my phone sat on the nightstand all week, accusatory in its silence.
I picked it up more times than I'd admit, checking for messages I knew weren't there, scrolling through the few brief conversations we'd had until my chest felt tight.
And each time I set it back down and the screen went dark, I told myself I didn't care.
That I wasn't waiting. That this was what I wanted.
Besides, Dae was distracted with everything going on with Elias. Alex had told me all about it. And it was a perfectly good reason to not hear from him.
Yet, I was furious anyway.
I told myself I only felt this way because I was trapped in Judy's house like some kind of prisoner. I told myself it was the stress of not knowing what Marcus had done to me. I told myself it was because my magic was changing and I felt like I didn't know myself anymore.
But that was bullshit.
The truth was much simpler and much more complicated than any of that. I was angry because Dae had kissed me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered, and then simply walked away. Disappeared.
The fact that I'd shoved him away myself, warned him I was dangerous, and insisted he stay away for his own good made absolutely no difference to me now.
By the fifth night, I couldn't take it anymore.
I lay in the guest bed staring at the ceiling, my phone clutched in one hand, thumb hovering over his name in my contacts.
I could text him. Surely, he'd respond. But indecisiveness kept my thumb frozen, and frustration made my jaw ache from clenching.
What if he didn't answer? What if I was right, that whatever this was between us wasn't worth the risk to either of us?
I threw the phone aside and rolled onto my stomach, burying my face in the pillow.
No.
Fuck that.
I sat up straight. If he thought he could just walk away after kissing me like that, he had another thing coming. He'd wanted me as much as I did him. His entire body had shook with the effort of restraining himself. Surely, that wasn't something that could be faked or forgotten.
I'd told him we needed to fight fate, knowing we couldn't win. So, why was I fighting it? Why was he?
The hall was dark and quiet as I crept out of my room. Stopping outside Aunt Judy's door, I cracked the door open carefully and peeked in.
She was sound asleep.
I paused in her door, hand on the knob to pull it shut again. My aunt would be furious if she woke up and found me gone. But I couldn't breathe in this house anymore, and I needed to see him.
Carefully closing her door, I tiptoed out of the house and slipped out into the night, cringing as I crossed through the wards.
I didn't dare risk taking my car, so I hit the sidewalk and started to walk, glancing back over my shoulder every few seconds to see if an angry High Priestess was chasing me down. But the street was quiet.
Forty minutes later, I was on Bourbon street. A bachelorette party wove past in matching pink sashes, shrieking about somebody named Bryson and his hot brother. I stepped around them and there it was.
The Purple Fang.
Stopping underneath the flickering neon sign, I shoved my hands in my coat pockets, my heart going like a bird in a box.
I'd worn my favorite blue dress tonight.
The soft one with the little flowers, the one Alex always said made me look like springtime.
I'd put it on without thinking about how cold it was outside, and I was three blocks from the house before I realized what I'd done. But at least I'd grabbed my coat.
Pulling open the door, I walked into the club.
Inside, it was warm and dim and mostly empty.
I don't know what I expected. I'd only been here a few times, but except that one time I came to see Dae when they were closed, I remembered it having a pulse.
Bodies packed shoulder to shoulder. A wall of women wearing too much perfume throwing money at the guys on the stage.
Tonight there were maybe twelve people in here. A small cluster of women at a table with a birthday balloon tied to an empty chair and a few others getting drinks at the bar.
Elias was behind the bar, and he looked fine. Great even. Certainly not someone who was at death's door a few days ago.
He glanced up and saw me and something flickered across his face. It wasn't surprise. He didn't seem at all surprised to see me. It was more like…resignation.
He tipped his chin toward the stage.
I followed the gesture.
And there he was.
Dae stood in the wings with his shirt open to show off his ripped abs, black hair slicked back from the smooth skin of his chiseled face, one hand up adjusting the little mic clipped near his jaw.
The lights hadn't found him yet, and I watched the shape of him change while he waited in that half-dark.
Shaking out the powerful muscle of his arms and shoulders, he became playful.
Loose. Charming. The mask going on right in front of my eyes.
I'd never seen him do it before. It was like watching him step into a different skin.
Then he suddenly stilled and his head whipped toward me.
There was no reason for him to look toward the door. No reason for him to know I was there. But somehow he did, and across the dimly lit room his eyes snapped to mine.
Something tightened low in my stomach.
The facade fell away as he watched me, hand halfway to the mic, forgotten, as I stood there in my silly flowered dress with my coat buttoned against the cold outside and told myself to move.
To leave. I didn't belong there. And I certainly didn't want to watch him strip down to barely anything so other women could ogle the body I already thought of as mine.
But I couldn't make myself walk back out that door.
His eyes never left me as he said something to the kid in the wings — good shoulders, terrified expression — and pressed the mic into his hand. Then he was coming down off the stage and cutting straight across the floor while the kid scrambled out into the middle of the stage.
The women at the birthday table turned to watch him go by as he crossed the room, but he didn't so much as glance their way.
He stopped in front of me.
"Alice."
There were a thousand secrets and a world of emotions in the way he said my name.
I'd had a whole speech prepared that I'd prepared on the walk over, and every word of it went straight out of my head the second I got close enough to smell the clean cedar and ginseng scent that was so uniquely him.
My body swayed toward him before I could stop it, but I locked my knees. "I haven't heard from you since you came to Judy's to check on me," I said.
His throat worked and he frowned slightly. "No. I know."
Glancing down at the floor, I tried to pull myself together. "We have more to talk about."
"I know."
I looked up at him to find him staring down at me intently, like there was some kind of battle going on inside of him. It was the same battle happening inside of me. "So? Are we going to talk?"
He just stared at me for a long moment. Onstage, the kid had started his set to almost no applause.
"Not out here," Dae finally said. Turning partially away from me, he held out his hand and waited.
I fought with myself for another few seconds, then I put my hand in his and let him lead the way toward the back of the club.
A guy the size of a door stood in front of a heavy black curtain beside the stage. Dae tipped his head, and the man instantly stepped aside and pulled it back without a word, closing it again behind us.