Chapter 44
Chapter
Forty-Four
Inap all morning in the hopes of getting some energy back.
I huddle under the blankets, with Kalos’s arms around me, and do my best to keep a stiff upper lip.
There’s a soul-deep sadness inside me, the realization that I’m about to lose everything and I’m not ready to go.
I don’t want to cry and upset Kalos further, though.
He looks devastated enough as it is, and I don’t want to inflict more pain on him.
Is this how David felt every day? I’ve always loved and empathized with my brother, but this gives me new appreciation for his strength.
For the courage to get up and face every day even when you feel like absolute hot buttered shit.
For putting on a brave face for the others around him.
I wish I could talk to him. Tell him how proud I am of him, how much I love him.
How much I don’t regret my choice in the slightest.
Reminding myself that I did all of this—trading worlds, racing about the countryside with Kalos, killing enemies—so he could have another chance.
Actually, that’s a little bit too martyr-ish for even my thoughts.
I did it for myself, too. I did it for the opportunity to have an adventure.
After years of working multiple jobs with no spare time for myself, it was an escape.
And…it wasn’t torture. I hold Kalos tighter against me, pressing my cheek to his chest.
It was the exact opposite of torture. It was incredible.
So I push all the sadness deep down inside and put on a bright smile.
I get dressed in the lovely clothes offered to me by the mayor’s wife, and we head out.
“The mayor has arranged a carriage and woale for us so you don’t have to walk, Elsie,” Kalos tells me as he takes my hand, tucking it into the crook of his arm.
“I’m definitely going to request a nice temple built here to reward how kind they’ve been. ”
“That’s sweet of you,” I enthuse, and I’m secretly glad we’re going to get to ride back to the monastery. My legs are aching just from walking through the house.
We head out to the street, where the carriage is waiting.
The animal hitched to it is one of the strange-looking land hippos, the woales.
Kalos helps me inside the carriage, and it’s small and cramped and I can’t feel the autumn breeze, but I’m too tired to care.
I lean back against the hard seat and watch through the window as Kalos speaks with the mayor, who keeps bowing over the god’s hands.
I bet Kalos hates that, I think with a smile.
He’s tolerating it very politely, though.
Maybe he’s changed in small bits after all.
Fala rushes out the door, and I sit up at the sight of her.
She bows in front of Kalos, then straightens to her full height.
Her dress is sumptuous, and she’s covered in jewels and gold chains, jingling as she moves.
Her heavy earrings glitter in the sunlight as she tilts her face up.
“My lord Kalos, my Lady Belara wishes to finish her conversation with you before you go.”
“I’ve said all I want to her,” Kalos replies, pulling his hand free from the mayor’s fawning. He turns to Fala. “You can tell your mistress that I’m not interested.”
Her gaze drops and her lower lip trembles.
For a moment, she looks very young. She can’t be more than twelve or thirteen, and I feel a twinge of pity for her.
How overwhelming it must be to serve someone like Belara, who bulldozes people to get her way.
“My lady Belara will not be happy. She will take it out on the people here—”
Kalos raises a hand to silence Fala. “You tell your mistress that I have spoken. Tell her if she harms a single one of the locals trying to get my attention, I will return it upon her a thousand-fold. I might not have power today, but I will be back upon my throne very shortly, and I will be there far, far sooner than she will. If she thinks to force my hand, tell her I will make the rest of her Anticipation so intensely miserable that she will wish a thousand times over for mercy. I can make her stay the height of misery. Tell her to just fucking try me.”
Fala’s eyes go wide. She nods, her gaze flicking to me inside the carriage, and she races back inside in a tinkling swirl of skirts.
Poor kid.
The journey back to Omos’s monastery is uneventful.
I gaze out the window at the winding road through the hills, and the dark smear of the Dirtlands in the south.
It would have been interesting to see all of that, I think.
Kalos told me there was a glittering crystal palace that floated in the sky there, and that it belonged to the goddess of magic.
It sounds fascinating, but I’m too tired. All I want is to relax.
All I want is to stay with Kalos forever.
My head throbs as we pull up to the monastery.
Omos rushes out the moment the carriage stops, wearing his beekeeping hat.
Dingle prances up to his side a moment later.
The goat is wearing a fancy little scarf that matches Omos’s colorful belt, and it makes me so happy to see our pet loved and cared for that I burst into tears.
Kalos carries me inside, and we sit near the fire.
The aching tension in my head grows worse, and it’s like now that my body knows there’s a problem, all my systems are shutting down.
I feel ancient and tired and achy all over.
Kalos takes one look at my tight, pained face and caresses my cheek. The headache disappears, and I sneeze.
A touch of his magic, then. I wonder how long he’s been managing my symptoms and I just wasn’t aware? How many times did I chalk up my lethargy to run-over from his apathy? How did I just not notice any of this until now?
I’m wrapped in a blanket by my doting Kalos, and Omos hands me a warm cup of tea.
“I am surprised to see you both. I thought for certain that once we’d heard news of Kalos’s victory that I’d never see either of you again.
I am delighted to be proven wrong, of course, but still surprised.
” He studies me and Kalos. “Is there aught amiss?”
“I’m dying,” I say.
Omos just blinks, then gestures that I should go on.
He’s not fazed in the slightest by this admission, and I feel stupid.
Of course I’m going to die. I’m hitched at a soul level with a god.
I have to die for him to finish his journey.
Even so, it should feel more momentous, shouldn’t it? It can’t just be a big deal to me.
“Drink your tea,” Kalos chides, touching my hand. He gives me another once-over look, as if making sure that I’m all right.
Okay, so it’s not just a big deal to me. I give him a soft smile and take a dutiful sip.
As I drink the tea, I tell Omos about everything that’s happened since we last saw him.
I tell him about leaving the book with Metta and Varina, our journey to Eagleton and Narshire, the encounter with Liar-Kalos, Belara and her concerns, and the news of my own sickness that I’ve been unwittingly hiding.
“We were going to come back and finish my book and maybe see what else we could do while we were here,” I say, watching as the monk feeds vegetable scraps to my goat.
I want to hold Dingle but the warm mug in my hands feels too good.
“Kalos was going to stay until I was ready, but I’m afraid that timeline has changed.
Is it all right if we remain here tomorrow?
We’ll be gone right after that. Both of us. ”
Kalos reaches out and strokes my hair, his hand resting on my neck in quiet possession.
“Oh, my friend, you can stay as long as you like.” Omos gives me the kindest smile. “Only tell me what you need, and it’s yours. Those that help the gods during the Anticipation are selfless in their sacrifices. Whatever I can do to make your time here easier, it shall be done.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t finish my book. I really hoped it would be helpful to the locals.”
The monk brightens. “You know, I had a visitor earlier this morning. Metta from the village up the hill brought me some of her herbs she’d been growing in her garden and wanted to know the names of them.
Said they matched some of the pictures in your book and demanded that I continue to work with her even if you can no longer finish the project. She was very determined.”
Metta’s going to finish my book? I beam at him, thrilled. “Really?”
“Oh yes. She told me someone had tried to steal it and the entire village chased the woman away with brooms. Your knowledge will make a difference.”
“Not my knowledge. It’s just knowledge that shouldn’t be gatekept. If they don’t have the opportunity to read the books here, or the learning, then we have to bring the knowledge to them.”
“Goddess Riekki would be pleased.”
Kalos makes a disgusted sound. “That pretentious creature. I doubt very much that she’d be pleased about any of this. Riekki prefers to hoard her knowledge. All the more reason for me to share mine, I suppose.”
I gaze up at Kalos, amused. If spite is what motivates him, then I’m fine with it.
“What now?” Omos asks. “What are your plans for now?”
“Sleep,” I admit. I would love to stay awake for a while but the exhaustion is coming over me like a heavy blanket. “Tomorrow, I would like to have a perfect day. Just relaxing and spending time with Kalos, and you, and Dingle. If that’s all right.”
Omos reaches out and touches my hand. “Whatever you need, of course. I am here to serve.”
Kalos says nothing. His thumb rubs the side of my neck, and I know he hates all the talk of how things are going to go. I know he hates how his hands are tied in regards to my fate.
He’s really going to fucking hate it when he finds out that I won’t be in the Afterlife here.
The next day is everything I wanted.