Chapter 1 #3
‘I … I wanted to come and see you,’ he says, nerves creeping into his expression. He looks away and tugs at the cuffs of his shirt, avoiding my gaze. ‘Needed to. There’s something you and I must discuss.’ He clears his throat, but he seems suddenly unable to form words.
‘Well?’ I place my hands on my hips. ‘Spit it out.’
‘It is … something I should have told you before.’ He finally looks at me, his eyes already begging me to understand. ‘I’ve wanted to tell you. You have to believe me that I really wanted to, but …’ His voice fades.
‘But?’ I await his answer, expecting it to come promptly, yet he remains silent.
My hands flex and clench as I try to claw any last dregs of patience from the depths of my exhausted frame.
But I’m done. I don’t even have the energy left to shake an answer out of him.
‘Jonas …’ His name leaves me with a sigh.
‘By the love of the Mother, just tell me what you came to say so that you can fuck off and I can go to bed.’
He nods forcefully as he draws in a trembling breath. ‘Yes, you’re right. I have to tell her,’ he says, more to himself than to me. ‘The Goddess insisted.’
‘The Goddess?’ Surprise catches me off guard, and for the first time since he hammered on the door, a modicum of my fatigue is replaced by intrigue. What has Etta told him to do?
Jonas’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. Nervousness radiates from him.
‘You spoke to the Goddess?’ I press as an unexpected dryness claims my throat.
‘Yes, when you were portated out of the caves. She spoke to me then.’
Nerves scrape my stomach. I assumed that when I was brought to the Spire, Jonas would be instantly portated out too. Why would he have needed to remain there after I had gone? Why would she have needed to speak to him alone?
‘Why?’ I set the word free from my mind. ‘Why did she speak to you?’
Jonas’s eyes dart around the hallway and linger pointedly towards the kitchen. ‘Perhaps some privacy?’
I don’t deny him the request a second time. My stomach has coiled tight since his mention of the Goddess, and I push open the nearest door to me, not even realising which room I have invited him into until we are inside. My father’s study.
In an effort to warm the house, Summer already has a fire burning in the grate, and I’m grateful for the heat of it as the ghosts of memory stir.
Images of me sitting upon the armchair, listening to my father’s stories of battles while Florian crawled around my ankles, threaten to consume my thoughts. I turn away from the heavy wooden desk, where the memories are most dense, and focus on Jonas.
‘Why did the Goddess speak to you, Jonas? What is it you have to tell me?’
Rather than respond, Jonas begins pacing the room.
‘It was the safest thing. For everyone. I need you to understand that.’
‘That’s why Etta needed to speak to you? Because it was safer?’
‘Yes—No!’ His fingers claw at his scalp as if these words are physically paining him.
My confusion deepens. Is it to do with Kestria, I wonder, the Rettling he blinded?
Is there something the Goddess believes I can do for her now that my magic has been returned?
Our friendship may have been tested of late, but surely he knows that if he asks such a thing of me, I will gladly do it?
But first he has to explain to me what the fuck is going on.
‘Jonas, please…’
Finally he stops his movements and locks his eyes on mine.
‘Remember the last thing Etta said to you? That you’d have everything returned to you in time? All the precious things that you’d lost?’
With a scoff, I lift my hand, gesturing to where we are standing. My home is mine again, just like I asked. And with it, every memory it possesses. I aim to find them all, trapped as they are in the plaster and cobwebs.
‘I’ve got it,’ I say. ‘Haven’t you noticed?’
Jonas shakes his head. ‘That’s not what she was talking about. This isn’t the most precious thing.’ His breathing hitches and his hands are trembling. ‘I’m so sorry, Rose. Really, I am.’
‘Jonas…?’
I’ve seen Jonas in some of his worst moments. Wanting us to leave him out on the ice to die. Blinding Kestria during the final trial. You can’t get much lower than that.
And right now, that same raw hopelessness is consuming him once again. His eyes glisten.
‘Jonas, just tell me,’ I snap, nerves fraying. ‘What the fuck is it?’
‘It’s about William!’
As the words fly from him in pained terror, my forehead creases but my pulse lowers by just a fraction. It’s not about Kay. Not about my family. She is still safe, even if she is with Artur.
‘William?’ I question. ‘Your father’s ward?’
He nods. ‘Yes … but that’s not who he is. Not all he is.’
With a single step he stands in front of me and takes my hand, his fingers closing around mine as if he expects my legs to give way. As if he knows what this will do to me even before the words have left his mouth.
Heavy dread curls in my gut. What could he have to tell me about a boy I barely know that could make him fear such a reaction? The question has barely formed in my mind when he answers it.
‘He’s your brother, Rose,’ Jonas whispers. ‘William is your brother. He’s Florian.’