Chapter 2 #2
‘What? No!’ The words burst from me with vehemence as I whirl towards her. ‘Never. You need never do that here. Whatever you see … we’ll deal with it, together.’
I mean the words with every fibre of my being.
Gladden root might be the answer to forgetting my broken heart or Jonas’s betrayal, but I know, perhaps more than any other person, that we are each the sum of our experiences.
That every pain and loss, as much as instances of joy and love, shape us into the person we are.
Take those away and it unravels our very essence.
So I will live with them all. Every rotten memory. And while she’s under my roof, so will Summer.
‘You may go,’ I repeat, my tone far gentler.
This time, she dips her head, finally lowers the saucepan, and leaves.
As the door closes, I turn to see that Jonas has recovered his breath and is sitting up, though he is pushing himself away from me at the same time. I can’t blame him for that, though I have plenty else to blame him for.
Straightening to my full height, I take a step towards him.
‘All this time,’ I hiss. ‘You hid it from me. You hid him from us.’
He dips his head, too ashamed to even meet my eyes. ‘I know, I know, Rose.’
‘How did this come to pass?’ I demand, my fists clenching as rage surges inside me once more. ‘Why did Korvane not kill him?’
‘I don’t know. I tried to find out when I first realised who William was – I promise you, I did – but it was hard. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, and I didn’t want to endanger him.’
I scoff. I don’t doubt that whatever his fears were, they were nothing compared to what my family went through. ‘And what did you eventually find out?’
A little colour has returned to Jonas’s cheeks, but his eyes are still wary. ‘The king ordered William’s death, but someone, somehow, hid him away. It was at least a year later when he came to us, and my father simply presented him to me as a new ward.’
Anger spikes. Artur. ‘You men and your fucking fathers!’
The words explode from my mouth, but they are not the only effect of my rage. Sharp shards of ice shoot from my fingers and into the air, several of which skim Jonas’s cheeks and temples. A gasp of shock flies from both of us as blood trickles down towards his chin.
Fuck! I’m a mess. A dangerous, icy mess.
The way the power flew from me was like the ice blade that killed Oke: beyond my control. Still, I swallow the automatic apology. After all Jonas has done to me, he owes me more than those few drops of blood.
He owes me so much more.
Jonas brushes his cheek, smearing the blood in a line. He looks at me finally, yet not with the fear I was expecting, but with deep concern, and fuck him for that. ‘You need to get that power under control, Rose.’
‘Don’t you think I know that?’ I spit, and it makes me angry all over again that he dares to act as if he cares after all his lies and deception. No, not just angry. Hurt.
I might not have always agreed with Jonas’s decisions in the Retterheld.
The way he wanted to go it alone at the end, not to mention his constantly patronising me, but I believed I could trust him.
Trust that he would be there to help me if I truly needed it.
Maybe even help me with Kay and his father.
But in a single moment Jonas has shown me that there is not a single person in the Wrohelm court I can trust. I was a fool to ever think otherwise.
‘I am sorry,’ Jonas says earnestly, as if a simple apology can right this awful wrong. ‘About William. About everything. Truly. I really did think about telling you sooner, but I just thought that until the trials were over, it was safer if you didn’t know.’
‘Safer for who?’ I snarl.
‘For you and William, of course. I didn’t know how you’d react if you discovered that Florian is alive. You were rash enough as it was. You needed to be clear-headed to get through the trials. I wanted you to survive, Rose.’
The laugh that rattles in my throat is bitter and cold. ‘Oh right. So you hid my brother from me so that I’d remain clear-headed, did you?’ I spit. ‘It wasn’t your right to keep him hidden from me, you fucking bastard!’
Magic pulses through me, but whether it’s mine, returned to me by the Goddess, or whatever the fuck is left in me from the third trial, I cannot say.
Trying to stem my panic, I take some deep breaths. Being the gifted or not, using Issen ice magic is enough to get me executed.
And I know all too well that Korvane would be delighted to have an excuse to be rid of me.
‘Does he know?’ I ask finally. ‘Does William know who he really is?’
‘No,’ Jonas says with absolute certainty. ‘No, even I didn’t realise until I was fifteen, maybe sixteen. When I confronted my father about it, he … he …’ Jonas’s voice dies into nothing.
‘Your fucking father,’ I mutter.
Jonas’s expression shifts. ‘He did what he thought was best, Rose. He protected him and raised William to be a good man.’
‘A good man who’s about to have his own sister as a stepmother, or near enough,’ I snarl back as I rub at my temples.
‘What?’ Jonas frowns.
A bitter laugh rattles from my throat. ‘Oh, so daddy dearest hasn’t told you? He’s to marry Acacia.’
Jonas looks genuinely shocked. ‘Surely not? He’s old enough to be her father.’
‘Yes, I’m aware.’
Jonas’s expression remains pinched. ‘But … why?’ he asks. ‘Why would he do such a thing? More, why would Acacia agree to such a thing?’
His expression clears in a way that causes my blood to run cold. ‘She is with child,’ he says with certainty, letting out a low groan. ‘It’s Hew’s, isn’t it? William said the pair of them had grown close. I should have known a cad like Hew would never do the honourable thing.’
I should deny it. Try to keep Kay’s reputation clean. But what is the point? If Jonas came to that conclusion so quickly, then surely others will as well.
My silence is confirmation enough. Jonas begins pacing anew. ‘This is wrong. So wrong. There must be something we can do. Where is she?’
‘The ball, I expect.’ I shake my head. ‘I don’t know if she’s coming here. I don’t know if she even knows where home is.’
‘Right, well then … I’ll go back to the ball,’ Jonas says.
‘Speak to them both. My father can’t possibly think this is a good idea.
Acacia is so young. Far too young for him.
’ He turns to me. ‘You should come with me. Between us, we can convince them this is madness before any hasty announcements are made.’
‘No, I’m not going back there. I can’t. Kyor …’ I trail off, and my heart aches again as I recall the sensation of his fingers slipping from my waist.
Jonas lets out a sigh. ‘I’m sorry, Rose. I know you … cared for him. But you had to have known the relationship had an expiry date.’
My skin prickles.
‘Jonas, please do me a favour and kindly fuck off. The last thing I need is an I-told-you-so from you.’
He grimaces. ‘Right, sorry. I’ll go and speak to my father. You don’t need to panic.’ He strides the three paces to the door. Grasping the knob, he turns to me, impassioned. ‘We can fix this.’
I want to laugh at his use of we, but right now I’ll take anyone’s help if it means stopping Artur from marrying Kay. Even if it is my greatest betrayer.
As Jonas closes the door behind him, I am left in a maelstrom of emotions.
Gods, my brother lives. It is a miracle! Florian lives, somehow, despite the king’s order for him to be killed.
And yet … if it is ever revealed that the king’s order was not obeyed, someone will surely rectify the situation immediately.
My brother lives, but to keep him that way, he can never know what I am to him.
I sit painfully alone in the gloom and watch the fire burn to ash.