Chapter 13 #2
‘Good,’ I say, trying to take a steadying breath. My mind is in turmoil, churning with panicked, half-formed thoughts.
With the control he has over his power, and the way he’s slipped by unnoticed for so many years, I thought William was safe here. But if those patterns become visible … if they reach his neck or his hands … if he takes an injury that requires a healer’s help … there’ll be no saving him then.
‘So, what now?’ Jonas’s voice cuts through the silence.
If getting to the Issen to get my powers under control wasn’t a priority before, it sure as hell is now.
‘This just confirms what I already knew,’ I say, looking between the group members. ‘I need to leave.’
‘Leave? No!’ Kay shakes her head. ‘No, you can’t. Rose, you’ve only just got back. We’ve only just got our lives back.’
I nearly scoff. The truth is that there’s been no we since I won the Retterheld. No sisterly shoulder to cry on when my heart was broken. No asking how I was doing after my best friend’s death. Kay’s not even asked about my magic.
But this isn’t just Kay and me anymore. It’s about William, too.
‘If I stay, sooner or later I’m going to fuck up,’ I say simply. ‘I can’t control my magic, and I’m going to use it in the wrong place, and you’re all going to die for it.’
‘If this doesn’t get me killed before then,’ William adds with a gesture down to his stomach. ‘It seems to have been spreading faster the last couple of moons.’
My heart clenches. The last couple of moons when he was living with his sister? Could family proximity be what’s causing it to worsen? Or has he just reached the age where his Issen magic is maturing? Either way, it means we need to act. Now.
‘My baby …’ Kay whispers as if that’s the only matter that actually makes her take stock of how serious the situation is.
Benny, Caz, and Ruben exchange glances but don’t say anything, and for that I’m grateful.
All colour has drained from Kay’s face as she fumbles for her husband’s hand.
‘I won’t let anything happen to you,’ Jonas promises fiercely. ‘Either of you.’
She takes some deep breaths, looking sick. ‘So what’s next?’ Kay asks into the brittle silence. ‘What do you plan on doing, Rose?’
Fear continues to claw at my insides, but now more than ever I need to push that aside. I need to quash it. Focus on finding an answer and staying alive.
For all our sakes.
I scan the table, taking in every single person sitting there. I clear my throat. ‘I’m taking the Hirathean Path. I need to find the Issen.’
In the blink of an eye, chaos erupts.
‘You can’t be serious?’ Jonas is first with his thoughts on the matter. ‘Rose, that’s insanity. Suicide.’
‘They’re monsters,’ Kay cries.
‘You’ll never make it,’ William says, face ashen. ‘You’ll be killed well before you get there.’
Their votes of confidence are overwhelming.
I hold a hand up and they fall silent. I appreciate that there is no objection from Benny, Caz, or Ruben. They have my back, all the way, and that matters.
‘We need a solution’—I gesture between William and me—‘and they are the only people who can give us one.’
‘You can stay here and stay hidden,’ Jonas pleads. ‘Just remain in the High Hold and out of sight.’
‘Out of sight?’ I scoff. ‘You mean live my life locked up in this house, never able to wander outside?’
‘Yeah, fuck that,’ William agrees.
My eyes spin to meet his, my sisterly instinct making me ready to rise and chastise him for his use of a swear word, but I swallow the urge. I don’t have the right to speak to him like that. Not yet anyway. Our relationship is only just beginning.
‘It’s not like there isn’t room here,’ Kay continues. ‘Jonas and I could make sure you have everything you need.’
‘It’s the safest option,’ Jonas joins in. ‘We can protect you both.’
Jonas and Kay – our keepers, our saviours?
Our jailors, more like.
The thought of being kept in the house is claustrophobic, closing in on me from every side.
It presses, overbearing and relentless, until my chest tightens and my breath turns shallow.
Power surges within me in a wild, panicked rush, unbidden and unstoppable.
It is too much, far too much, and I cast around desperately for somewhere, anywhere, to force the unbidden power into.
My gaze snags on the plant pots scattered around the dining room.
I thrust the burgeoning magic into them without thought or finesse.
The plants explode into life, leaves unfurling with violent speed.
One creeps along the walls, thick vines clawing for purchase, wrapping around the decorative trellis Mother loved.
The walls groan beneath the strain, and the sound sends a fresh spike of panic through me.
‘Deep breaths, Rose,’ Benny says, suddenly next to me, rubbing my arms, his voice low and soothing. ‘It’s okay. Just take some deep breaths, honey. We need you to calm down. There’s only so many cracks in the walls this old house can take.’
The gentle humour helps, and I do as he bids, gulping in air like it’s my first breath.
I breathe in and out, over and over again, letting my chest rise and fall until I feel calm again.
‘She’ll end up tearing the house to pieces, if not the city, if she stays here,’ Benny says. ‘Imprisoning her isn’t the answer.’
‘Exactly,’ I agree once I’m back under control. I give Benny’s hand a grateful squeeze. ‘I need to go,’ I reiterate. ‘It’s the only way to find out what’s happening to me. To us,’ I add, nodding at William.
A slight pause perforates the room.
‘I know I’m not your favourite person right now,’ Jonas begins anew.
‘But have you really thought this through? Or do you just plan to walk north until you find one of these monsters and pray you can kill them before they kill you? And that’s assuming you don’t bump into any Torailians on the way.
They’re both feral peoples, you know, the Issen and Torailians.
The way they fight … they have armies in the tens of thousands, bigger even.
Have you thought about what will happen if you come across one of their battalions? ’
My back teeth grind together. I ignore his negativity the same way I’ve done many times before. Jonas not believing in me isn’t something new.
‘Obviously I have a plan,’ I seethe. ‘I’m going to explain my absence from court by saying I am going on a pilgrimage for Etta.
I’ll say that I plan to visit all her temples and express my gratitude to her for the gifting.
No one will think anything of it, and it will give a legitimate reason for my disappearance. ’
Not to mention, Korvane will simply think I am running from Kyor’s rejection, slinking away to lick my wounds.
I fold my arms. ‘As for bumping into Torailians, I plan on staying as far away from their territory as possible. And even if I do stumble into them, they’re hardly going to see one lone woman as a threat.
All I need from you all is to propagate my lie for me.
Spread the story that I’m visiting the temples. ’
‘Fuck that!’ Ruben snorts. ‘And fuck being a lone woman. I’m coming with you. It’s not like I have anything holding me here now.’ My chest tightens at that, at the void Noleen will leave for him.
‘Me too,’ Caz chimes in, shoulders square, daring me to argue. ‘I have to make sure you don’t accidentally wander into hostile land.’
Tension drains from me, replaced by a warmth that makes it feel like my entire heart might swell to bursting.
I won’t be doing this alone.
‘Thank you. All of you.’ My voice warbles with emotion, but thankfully, it doesn’t break.