3
“Vulfu? Shusha,” I said to him, patting the empty space beside me.
He glanced my way and shook his head.
“Shusha, Vulfu!” I snapped. “You need to rest!”
He rose then, and I thought he was coming over to join me, but instead, he just wrapped a fur over my body like he was tucking me in, cupped my face in his hands, and gave me a long, hard kiss.
“Shusha, Stevvy. Vulfu khuhgwo,” and he went back to his post, standing guard.
For a long time I lay there, watching him in the dark. Even though I felt like I could pass out, my heart would race every time I heard something outside of our home. I worried the pale men would return and kill us all. I wondered what they were doing to Kray and Dow? Were they alright? Were they hurting them? I didn’t want to think of them not being alive any longer. Seeing Veshy lying the way she was, so still and turning cold, had been so disturbing and horrific that I sort of went into shock over it. Veshy was like the grandmother of our group, the one who was all knowing, knew the best places for her medicinal herbs, her fabric work the best of everyone’s from years of experience.
Mowha lay at my side, quiet and still, but I knew she was still awake because every sound seemed to cause her distress, too. Veshy’s death hit her hard and I’ll never forget the look on her face when she saw her body lying there in the grass. It was like any sort of life that existed in her eyes disappeared in that moment, and since then, she’d been stone. I reached for her and ran my fingers through her hair, hoping to soothe her. For a minute, she just lay there, and I could picture her dark eyes staring up at the rock overhead, before she reached up to give my wrist an affectionate, little squeeze. I snuggled into her side, holding her, hoping I could give her some comfort. She accepted it, but I could sense the loss in the quiet and almost wooden way she moved.
“I’m sorry, Mowha,” I whispered in her ear.
She sniffled once, nodded, and went back to her silent reprieve.
Eventually, everyone fell asleep but Vulfu and I. I could hear their breathing level out, deepening in slumber, and I was happy that for a few hours, at least, they weren’t living in the nightmare we currently found ourselves in.
Vulfu stood guard all night, listening, watching, ever the leader. I tried to persuade him to rest a bit, but he refused, insisting I sleep instead. It wasn’t until the light shifted to a pale grey in the early morning hours, when the first birds began to sing, that Dahkha finally awoke and relieved him of duty. Vulfu stumbled over to my side and collapsed heavily into the furs, falling asleep in an instant. The moment he did, I wrapped my arms around him and passed out, having stayed awake with him through the night. I hadn’t been able to rest, knowing he was still up, injured, trying to protect us. Only now as I held him, was I able to let my worried, fearful mind sleep.
Dahkha and I moved quietly, carefully, through the trees together. He went first, hunched over as he slipped through the underbrush and branches, guiding us into the forest. I held onto a length of cord tied to his waist, which at first made me pause, as it felt like a dog tied to a leash, but he’d made it so that I could easily follow him and not get lost or sidetracked by my blindness. It was just the two of us, sticking to shadows as the sun began to set in the distance. Every so often, he’d stop and gesture to a clump of mushrooms, a bush of ripe berries, and I’d quickly get to work harvesting them while he kept a lookout. To say I was unafraid would be a lie. I felt like I was going to pee myself when I realized what he wanted us to do.
I’d awoken to his hand covering my mouth and while I had panicked at first, seeing him leaning over me with his ever-serious face, I felt a rush of relief. I wasn’t being attacked. Around us, the family was sleeping, with Vulfu amongst them, having finally given in to exhaustion, unable to stand guard any longer. I got up, taking the hint to be quiet and stealthy as he motioned for me to follow him. He’d found two remaining skin bags and slipped them over my head to wear around my neck, tied me to himself, and carried me outside.
We’d been moving ever since, trying to find some food for the family.
Out of the remaining members, he and I had managed to escape serious injury, and the fact that he trusted me to help gave me strength to force one foot in front of the other and enter the darkening forest. We moved until we came across a shallow stream where we both crouched over and cupped the water in our hands, taking a quick drink break.
Pausing to catch our breath, I peeked at Dahkha. He and I never really bonded. He was so serious, much older than Vulfu, and I wondered why he wasn’t the leader. He was certainly capable, but he always respected Vulfu’s decision over things, choosing to remain his silent, but biggest supporter. Even after the attack, he was silent and thoughtful. I didn’t see his reaction to Veshy, but while we had all cried in our home after, he’d returned from his pursuit of the others for the boys and went straight to Vulfu for a whispered conversation, his face a little red, but otherwise seemingly unmoved.
I straightened my throat as he washed his face, wondering if I would be able to get something, anything out of him now.
“Dahkha?” I whispered, still very aware of the fact we were out alone in the forest, trying to be as covert as possible.
He lifted his dark gaze to me, brows slightly raised in question.
I straightened my throat a little, wondering if I’d be able to get my words out without crying. “Kray… Dow?” I asked, voice cracking on their names.
Dahkha’s face didn’t change, however, I did notice how his throat bobbed, like he was trying to swallow but found it difficult. His shoulders tensed just a bit, subtle, but it was there. Dahkha was a master of hiding his emotions, and I realized it was to keep those around him from panicking. If he held a stony mask in the face of difficult times, then it worried others less. But he felt it. I saw it in those little movements, those tiny signs that he was affected, too. It was like my father back home… burying how he felt about the stuff we saw on the news about Vietnam or sounds of airplanes overhead that reminded him of the wars he faced. He didn’t talk about any of it. Ever.
Dahkha was the same.
I wanted so badly to hug him, to give him permission to let it out so that he wouldn’t have to suffer alone, but he and Vulfu were from a different time, a different place. This is all they knew, and at their age, I didn’t think I’d be able to change that.
Dahkha said nothing in regards to the boys, but bowed his head over the stream and splashed more water onto his face. This conversation, if you could call it one, was over.
He tugged on the rope after, indicating that it was time to move again, and we continued our trek through the woods.
By the time we had found a sufficient amount of food, and filled up water pouches, too, it was nearly pitch black out. But Dahkha knew these woods like I knew my childhood neighborhood. He crept easily along, silently guiding me so that, even though I was literally completely blind at this point in the dark, I didn’t stumble or fall into anything. He was careful, making sure I didn’t hurt myself, and by the time we made it back, I was surprised to find I hadn’t tripped once.
He easily carried me up the rockface, though I noted he avoided the spot where Veshy had fallen by side stepping it, giving a much larger berth than necessary, before he picked me up and called, “Bip! Bip!” into the tunnel.
The moment we slid down the entry and into the room, there was an explosion of shouting and activity. I found myself grabbed from his arms and nearly squeezed to death as Vulfu howled and held me tight like he thought he’d lost me forever. He pulled back only briefly so he could inspect my face before moving his hands over my body to check for some injury. At my back, Mowha was fussing, trying to turn my face into the moonlight that shone through the cracks so she could get a better look at me, like she thought I might be injured. Krahu was at Dahkha’s side, talking so fast I couldn’t catch a single word she said. I was so confused and overwhelmed by this greeting I just froze, confused by the reception.
It wasn’t until Vulfu passed me off to Mowha and spun around to Dahkha, snarling in his face as he hissed at him that I wondered if they thought I’d been taken, too?
As our leader roared in his second’s face, Mowha was blubbering, rocking back and forth in her seat as she clung to me like she thought I’d died. I held her, trying to reassure her and reached for the bags of food, but I was so ensnared I could barely breathe.
“Vulfu! Mowha! Ug! Ug!” I raised my voice to be heard over the chaos, but I was like a mouse in a den of angry, feral cats, all fighting with each other. It wasn’t until I saw Vulfu lift his fist, as if he was about to strike Dahkha, that I managed to shriek loud enough to be heard. “Enough!”
All heads turned to me, all wide-eyed as though in shock, like they hadn’t expected something so loud to come from something so tiny. Mowha even reared her head back in surprise, and I took this opportunity to wiggle free from her arms and rush over to Dahkha to stand before him, arms spread wide.
“Vulfu! Dahkha and I went to get food. Ug! Ug!” I removed the bags from around my neck and held them out to him as an offering, making sure to bow my head respectfully to him. As much as I loved him, even though he’s been so tender and gentle to me, I’ve never once forgotten that he is the head of our family and that his position demands obeisance. Behind me, I could hear Dahkha shuffle, and I glanced back to see him crouched low, head bowed, showing submission.
Vulfu took the bags from me and peered inside, seeing all we managed to collect, and wordlessly handed it off to Krahu. But his stony expression didn’t change. He was furious.
“I-I’m sorry, Vulfu. We were getting food for everyone. Ug! I can’t imagine what you thought had happened to us. I’m sorry!” Bowing my head, too, I cursed my limited vocabulary, but I hoped he could sense the remorse in my voice. I didn’t regret going out to help, but I did acknowledge that perhaps we should have said something. I got the sense that Dahkha just wanted the family to rest, and we would go and be back before they awoke. But since when do things go according to plan? I thought of the whole reason why I was here in the first place… because Jen had planned a whole trip for Kate, Lisa, and I. Look how that turned out.
When I felt that familiar, gentle touch on the back of my head, I breathed a sigh of relief. Once more I found myself gathered in his hold, and his face buried in my hair, breathing me in like he missed my scent.
“Stevvy…” he whispered, his voice cracking. “Mmuh guh. Mmuh!”
“I’m sorry,” my voice was hushed as I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him as tightly as he held me. “I promise. I won’t go again. Mmuh guh.”
He shuddered, breaking down at my words and sat back down, cradling me close like he thought he’d lost me before. The moment he relaxed, so did the others, and Dahkha moved around to greet Mowha and Krahu with gentle head bumps before they began to go through all we’d collected. Vulfu took my face in his hands then, wiping my hair back from my face so he could see my features clearer in the moonlight. His cheeks were tear-stained, his mouth down-turned, the despair and hurt as clear as day. Everything that had happened to our family in the last twenty-four hours was finally catching up to everyone.
“Shhhh,” I whispered to him and pulled close, hugging him tightly. “Shhhh, it’s okay.”
He wept. Krahu and Mowha wept. Silent tears slid down my face as everything took a toll in my mind. Dahkha was stony and silent in the corner, not eating, but not doing anything else, either. Our family had been torn apart and we were hurting.
I hoped there was still a chance that Kray and Dow were alive, and if they were, we would save them. But we needed Vulfu to recover from his injuries, and to be honest, we needed more people. But the only others I’d seen in these woods were the pale men. Was it just our two groups? Surely there were more?
In the days that followed we stayed close to home, and no one was allowed to go off by themselves. Even to go to the washroom, or, the poop-pit, as I called it.
There wasn’t enough food to go round, the nights were getting colder, but the herds were starting to migrate. Dahkha and Vulfu needed to follow the wildlife in order to get more meat and furs, but Vulfu was more injured than I’d initially realized. One of his arms had evidently been pulled from its socket, and it was with Dahkha’s help mid-fight that he was able to pop it back in, but it caused a lot of pain when he lifted anything, including myself. He also had deep gashes from that asshole's spear and knife, to which Mowha had cleaned up as best she could, but they needed to heal.
We sat together each night, and while sometimes I could follow the conversation, I was mostly left in the dark. Words were thrown around that I didn’t know… like Rull and Kheezee . Mowha often piped up at the mention of these two words, citing, Rowe! Rowe! over and over again, and once Rowha . But then there was the mention of Kray and Dow, and everyone immediately went silent. Vulfu especially seemed to get quiet at the mention of the boys and I could see the turmoil on his face whenever they were brought up.
What were we going to do?