Wade & Felix Forever

Chapter 38

I've been invited to a New Year's party at Byron's house to celebrate the resurrection of Pansgender! Even better: Adam called Roland and asked him out for dinner and a movie.

I have to go pick up his meds, but before that, I text Felix, who's back from Argentina.

Me:There's a Pansgender cast and crew party at Byron's house tonight. You should come.

Him:Thanks, but the theater kid mafia doesn't want an outsider hanging around.

Me:I saved the whole show. They can deal with it.

My fingers fumble before I type the next volley of words.

Me:…and there's something we need to talk about.

Him:If this is about our Sasquatch movie…

Me:

No.

Him:

Why don't we talk about it now?

Me:

It has to be in person.

Him:

Is everything OK?

Me:Meet me outside Byron's house at nine-thirty!

That settles it. I'm ripping off this skin of mine and I'm showing Felix the rawest version of myself. By the stroke of midnight tonight, when everybody is shouting “Happy New Year” and lighting fireworks, I will have told Felix the truth. I'm entering the new year with nothing to hide.

When I deliver Roland's medication, I tell him about how I sought out Adam.

“There's one thing, though.”

He looks at me dead-faced, waiting for the shoe to drop.

“I may or may not have told him you got paralyzed by a car when trying to rescue a little girl on a road.”

“Rescue a girl… like I'm Superman or something? Why would you say that? Oh god. He's going to find out. I have to cancel the date somehow.”

Roland lets out a series of frantic wheezes.

“Stop. Inhale deeply. Listen to me. Go with it. And play stupid. If it comes to that—which it won't—pretend you didn't know, and you can blame me, okay? He can rediscover how awesome you are, and the both of you can talk about what a terrible liar I am.”

“I don't want to lie anymore. About anything.”

“You're not lying. I told him it's too painful for you to bring up, anyway.”

Roland stews without a response.

“He won't find out! Just play it cool. I shouldn't have said anything. You're about to have a first date straight out of a romance movie. I've technically been out longer than you, and I've never even had a first date!”

“Fine. I'll pretend I didn't know, but I'm not okay with this,” Roland says. “I'll do this because I trust you.”

“It's going to be a great night for both of us. I feel it in my bones!”

I tell him I gotta run and that he better text me updates. I plant a kiss on the top of his head, squeeze his cheeks, and wish him good luck.

___________

Byron, whose house is like ten of mine stacked together, went all out with Peter Pan–themed decorations. He has an army of house staff, all dressed up like pirates. Even his luxury pool has been transformed into a mermaid lagoon, with fake seaweed and plastic seahorses bobbing in the water.

Byron, at the top of the stairs, yells for our attention. “At midnight, my housekeepers are going to light all the fireworks, so get ready! We're going out with a bang!”

Felix and I hang out on the living room couch while Darren, dressed as Twinker Bell, flits around the house, handing out candy to everybody. Meg sees me through a sea of people and tiptoes through them to get to me.

“I just want to say I lowkey kind of love you? Thanks for saving the show.” She gives me a big hug, then runs back to her group.

I turn back to Felix. “Did your dad see me on the news?”

“He did. He let out a long sigh and changed the channel,” Felix says.

“Wait how surprised they'll be when we're killing it out in LA. We need to start looking at places to live now that the show is back on.”

He stops in his tracks and looks at me. “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

Okay. Here is the moment. I close my eyes for a second and clear my throat. Daisha is nearby for backup.

“Listen, Felix. I've been thinking real hard. And I don't know how to say this because you might think I'm crazy. I, um…”

My thoughts hit a giant white wall. My mouth moves like a car that ran out of gas and stops. I reach in the darkness for a word or topic, anything that could lift me up a little to the level I'm trying to reach.

“I think I want to go to prom,” I say.

“You said prom was for show-offs and losers!”

“I kind of want to go anyway? Just to experience it. Not by myself, though.”

“You want a prom date. Maybe Byron?” He laughs.

“I was thinking maybe we could go together?”

“Wade, are you asking me to prom?”

“Noooo. I mean, yes. But—”

“Ah. Like a friendly date.” He laughs again.

“What?” I ask.

“You sound like a different person. You want to go to prom now? Are you even Wade Mader? Did the Body Snatchers get you?”

Sigh. I sound insane to him.

I text Daisha an SOS. Naz walks past us and I wave them down.

“Where is Daisha?”

“She randomly fell asleep on the couch,” Naz says.

Thankfully, I get a text from Roland that very instant.

You left your wallet in the bag with my medicine. We can bring it to you on our way to the movie.

Saved by my own forgetfulness. What I can do now is maybe wait until midnight, then kiss Felix and see what he does. If he freaks out, I can use the excuse that it was just a New Year's prank.

Felix taps me on the shoulder. “I need to run to the restroom for a second, but to be continued, okay?” He runs off before I can say anything.

I rush around the house in a panic, looking for Daisha. Darren bumps into me with a tray filled with little piles of powder in different colors.

“Where is Daisha?” I ask.

“I know not, fair child! As the party fairy, it is my obligation to cast a spell on you with my delectable pixie dust!”

When I eye his tray skeptically, he tells me it's just crushed Smarties and everybody is required to have some as a party initiation. I pick up a straw and suck up some of the candy, which tastes bland.

“This candy is old and stale, Twinker Dud,” I say.

“Agh, rudeness!” he says, swatting me with his wand before flitting off.

Roland texts me that he's here. When I step outside, Adam and Roland are already out of the car. Roland wheels up to me and hands me my wallet.

“I kind of want to check out the party,” Adam says.

“Sorry, it's a theater kids–only party,” I tell him.

Adam sees something behind me and beams. “Oh, hey! It's Carsten!”

I freeze. “You know each other?”

Carsten lights up and runs at him with open arms. “Bitch, where have you been all this time?”

“Some of us have to work, but I'm on a date tonight,” Adam says. “We're about to go see a movie.”

“Y'all might want to get going if you don't want to miss the start,” I say. My head starts spinning. The reality around me bends and retracts like rubber.

Adam looks at Roland. “It's cool, right? There's always thirty minutes of previews.”

Byron, having a drink nearby with Darren, notices us and approaches menacingly.

“Look who it is!” Byron says to Roland. “Who do you think you are to come to my party after trying to ruin our show?”

“What is he talking about?” Adam asks.

“Roland was raising hell to cancel our musical for being too gay when he was the one sneaking into a guy's bedroom at night for some hanky-panky!” Byron says. “He got chased out so fast he didn't see that car coming.”

Adam looks at Roland, then me. I'm on the verge of passing out.

“I thought Roland got hit by a car trying to rescue a little girl,” he says.

Byron and Darren stare at each other and collapse into each other's arms, laughing hysterically.

“Is that what Roland told you?” Darren asks, barely getting the words through his laughter.

Adam points at me. “That's what Wade told me. Wait. That isn't what happened, Roland?” He glares at Roland, who shoots me a nervous look.

I am genuinely about to combust, but I also feel lightheaded, like my body wants to go to sleep.

Carsten looks my way. “Are you okay, Wade?”

“Darren, did you put something in the Smarties?” I ask, holding my head. Other people start asking the same thing.

“What do you mean?” he asks, reaching into his backpack. He looks inside it and winces.

“What did you do?” Byron asks.

“I think I screwed up,” Darren says.

“Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on?” Adam demands.

“Uh,” Darren says, “I must have accidentally used my mom's multicolored melatonin pills instead of the Smarties.”

Oh no. Oh no, no, no. That idiot gave me melatonin. I'm about to collapse.

“No wonder everybody is falling asleep!” Byron shouts. “Stupid ass! They're going to miss the fireworks! I had all these games planned, too!”

Roland looks at me helplessly. I turn and move around in hopes that it will keep me awake. I search for Felix but find myself on my knees behind a row of bushes that look so pleasant. If I lie down and close my eyes for a minute, I'll be okay. The yelling stops as everything turns black.

Then my eyes open, and I hear two voices in the dark.

“Why are we talking about this right before the midnight kiss?” Byron's voice cries out.

“Baby, I'll always love you. I just think I've—we've maxed out,” Carsten says.

“Are you dumping me?”

“‘Dump' is such a harsh word.”

“Is there somebody else?”

Carsten doesn't answer. Byron repeats the question, and even asks him to blink twice if the answer is yes. I can't see clearly, but it sounds like the answer is yes based on Byron's scream.

“Get out of my sight, you dollar store Don Juan! I never want to see you here or in the theater room ever again. You are banishèd! BANISHèD!”

Carsten departs the yard in a walk of shame while Byron falls to his knees and wheezes.

“I'm all alone… AHHHHHHHHHH!”

I don't believe it. He's singing while he cries. He sounds like a gospel singer, belting out a heart-stopping solo made entirely of wounded shrieks. He holds a note as high as Mount Everest, undulating it with a kind of supernatural vibrato that would shatter glass.

I have to get out of here before he sees me, and also before my eardrums rupture for the second time in my life.

I look at my phone. It's almost midnight. I've been knocked out for at least two hours. Where is Felix? And what happened to Roland?

I pick myself up and stumble into the house. There are people passed out all over the floor.

Byron crashes into the living room with a megaphone, his eyes puffy and wet, and continues his song of despair. “Leave! Everybody leave my house! Leave my house, like, now! Ahhhhhhhh!”

“Uh-oh, Byron's singing,” Sweet Mike says as he slaps on his cap and flees through the front door.

Nobody has woken up yet, so Byron keeps singing. “Wake up, you fools! Ahhhhh!”

The clock bell rings three times. It's midnight.

Fireworks explode from all sides of the house. The kids on the floor wake in panic, their eyes groggy and confused.

Byron storms out back and lays it out on his house staff. “I said cancel the fireworks, you stupid bitches, whoooooooooo!”

Daisha, disoriented on the couch, pokes my leg. “What did I miss?”

“Byron is having an apocalyptic singing meltdown and we need to get out of here now. Have you seen Felix?”

“I'd tell you if I didn't have some of Darren's pixie dust,” she says.

I check every room I can on the first floor until I get to the main bedroom, which is half open. I peek in.

There's a couch across from the bed, and on it are Felix and Roland, who's out of his wheelchair. Felix has his hands cupped around Roland's face, his own head moving side to side as he kisses him passionately.

That's funny—I didn't think melatonin caused hallucinations. I shake off my stupor and look at them for a second time. Roland's neck leans back, letting Felix roll his lips around the side of his throat. There's a distinct sucking sound.

I tear away from the door, skip through the waking crowd until I'm outside, and stop at the edge of the brightly lit mermaid lagoon.

I see my own pathetic reflection, and before I know it I'm in the water, which is heated to a temperature so heavenly that I feel like I'm floating in a sea of love.

The fake lagoon creatures bob past me, including a nice seahorse with a Mona Lisa smile.

Behind it, a blinding white light shines from the pool lamp.

I wonder if this is like those near-death experiences I read about where people say there's a bright light and they feel loved and warm. I didn't feel that during mine.

My moment of bliss ends when something metal slaps against the back of my head and keeps slapping until I kick myself up to the surface and swallow air. A net goes over my head and attempts to pull me back up, pressing hard against my face. It's Byron, standing at the edge of the pool.

“Why the fuck are you in my pool? Party's overrrrrrr!”

The net pulls me toward the steps, and I drag myself out. The air quickly chills my soaked body. Felix appears behind Byron and circles around the pool chairs until he finds a towel to wrap around me.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I don't know what happened. I was in the water all of a sudden,” I say.

“Let me heat up my car and take you and Roland home.” He jogs through the back entrance of the house. I follow him, staggering out to the front. I slip into my van as he calls my name and speed off.

After a fifteen-minute drive in which I may or may not have run over at least eight different curbs, I turn into my own driveway and crash into our garbage cans.

I'm blocking the path diagonally and don't even realize until now that I didn't turn the heat on.

I turn the car off, then sit there in silence until the inside light turns off, unable to get the image of them slobbering all over each other out of my mind.

Maybe it wasn't real. It could have been a side effect of Darren's melatonin that I overdosed on.

Yes. That's what it was. Just a big hallucination and misunderstanding. A misunderstandination.

Inside, the lights are off. In darkness I fumble with the switch by the kitchen entrance. I flip it, and there are Dinah and Clint sitting expectantly in the living room, waiting for me.

Dinah stands up and points her finger straight into the depths of my soul. “You thieving, festering little fuck-muppet!”