Chapter 5
Heath
(Age Eighteen)
Girls. Sure, I’ve thought about them. Abstract thoughts that someday, I might want to get married and have children, start a family, and settle down.
But the thought was ephemeral, and I didn’t consider the path from A to B, more the comfort of family and the idea of not having to live my life alone without sharing it with someone.
But one girl in particular always eclipsed those ideations because Kat wasn’t just in my orbit, she was my whole fucking solar system.
How could I make the necessary moves to date when I had all the love, friendship, and camaraderie I wanted within arm’s reach?
Kat was my best friend, my confidante, my better half, so it seemed only natural that she would become my lover, too.
Except for one technicality—on paper, Katelyn Shaw was legally my sister.
So what do you do?
First: You wait.
Second: You love in secret. You steal every minute.
Slip silently in and out of one another’s bedroom in the dark of night.
Compose long, aching love letters about your forbidden love.
Pretend to be friends all day at school, but during lunch, slip into one of the locker rooms and make out—kiss until your mouth is raw and your body is so full of yearning you could explode from a single touch.
I do everything I can to make her happy, to achieve a smile on her beautiful face.
She’s lost her mother and father, and her legal caretaker is an absolute monster, so I cultivate her smiles, water them, give them sunshine and pray they will grow.
Katelyn is a treasure, with beauty unmeasured, and I know someday she’ll know it too, once we escape this godforsaken hellhole we call home.
Wainscott Hollow. Our prison. Our gilded cage. Our forbidden love sanctuary.
“Heath! Wait!” Kat hollers down the hall of the commons of Fairmont. We are finally seniors. We’ve survived. We’ve almost made it.
I turn and wait for her to reach me. She’s got a white baby doll dress on and rain boots. Of course, she does. I did see a twenty percent chance of rain in the forecast.
“God, it’s hard to run in these. Want to go to Vitelli’s for pizza after physics? Then I can drop you back off for football practice?”
We have one class together senior year-physics. I’m on the varsity football team while Kat does math club and environmental crusaders. Our season is over, but we condition train the rest of the year.
We still share the same hybrid hatchback, while Henry roams around town aimlessly in his parade of luxury cars that have gotten him a few dates with girls who’ve had so much work done they’ve added twenty years to their faces.
“Sure, I thought we were doing handball tonight and then picnic dinner by the dunes?” Kat is sometimes chaotic, but her busy schedule keeps her happy, so I go with the flow.
“Found out from Duncan O’Hannah that Henry invited people over tonight. Some guys he graduated with are home from college. I guess Eddie Lind is supposed to go, too.”
“So what you’re saying is that instead of having one drunk asshole to contend with—”
“We’ll have like a dozen. If I had a close girlfriend, I’d ask if I could spend the night.”
“You can spend the night at my house,” I tell her as we fall into a similar pace.
“Depends on where you live,” she tells me, batting her lashes.
“In a hovel called Wainscott Hollow. It’s a sad little shack by the sea.”
“Sounds romantic,” she teases.
“If you like gothic horror in your romance.”
“And drunk frats boys,” she says dejectedly.
I take a quick gander down both hallways to see if anyone is watching, then I grab her chin and stare deeply into her ocean blue eyes. “Be annoyed but not scared, Kat. Don’t ever feel scared. I won’t go to practice tonight if you want. If it makes you feel better, I won’t let you out of my sight.”
“I guess they’re not all so bad. Eddie Lind has been decent before. There’s just something about rich white boys gone wild that spells trouble in Montauk.”
“I promise to keep you safe,” I tell her, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead.
“Don’t give them any material, Heath. They’d take that and run straight to the mayor, the tabloids. It would be front-page news.”
Kat walks into her calculus classroom and sits at a desk. I hop on the desk next to her and glance at the clock. Five minutes until class starts.
“I’m sick of hiding. I’d love to show you off,” I tell her quietly. My cock surges just looking at her lips and knowing the magic and beauty that is Kat and which she only reveals to me.
“We’re so close, Heath. Just a couple of more months, and we’ll be out of here.”
I know Kat better than anyone, and by “out of here,” she means Fairmont and not Wainscott Hollow. No matter how much I love her, I don’t think she’ll ever leave this place.
The math teacher walks in, and Kat immediately looks nervous. “Hey, Ms. Cecil. My brother was just leaving.”
“Not a problem, Katelyn. A math whiz like Heath is always welcome in my classroom.”
Kat smiles at Ms. Cecil and pulls her burgundy sweater with the Fairmont insignia closer around her shoulders. She gives me a quick nod to tell me to scat.
A surge of shame runs through my veins as I excuse myself and walk out of the classroom. The poor teachers imagine a wholesome scenario of me helping Kat with her homework, when really, we’re making out any second we can steal to be alone.
I turn and look at Kat when I reach the door.
She gestures for me to go as another student walks into the classroom.
I’ll never get enough of her and I know, no matter what happens to us, I’ll never want another woman like I want her.
I’ve taken her far, but Kat is still a virgin, and I’ve been waiting for the right moment.
A few hours later, we’re leaving our physics class together.
The last bell of the day has rung, and as much as I want to take her hand in mine, I’m aware that others are constantly watching us, and we have a sibling relationship to uphold.
I chuck her in the shoulder instead, and she immediately drops her books.
“Oops, sorry, that was too hard,” I tell her and lean down to pick them up.
“God, how annoying to have your brother in your class!” Amy Richtner says as she walks past us. “You two are like twins.”
“Tell me about it,” Kat replies without much enthusiasm.
“So what’ll it be? Pizza? Handball? Let’s forget about Vitelli’s and do the dune picnic. I want to spoil you, and I might have already phoned in a favor,” I tell her. “To make tonight special.”
“For real? Henry did you a favor? I’d think the only favor he’d do us is seeing us off the face of this earth, gladly, with enthusiasm. Push us right off the cliff when we’re not looking.”
“I’ve got the connections,” I tell her as we head to our lockers.
I carry Kat’s backpack as we make our way to the car.
We joke and play, stopping to talk to a few friends.
No one would guess the weight we carry. The immense grief of orphans, the shame of loving someone forbidden.
Kat and I may act like we breeze through this life, but our destiny feels cursed and our fate sealed with strife.
We can’t outrun our pasts, and where we come from has already contaminated our future—forever.
“Should we even go back to Wainscott Hollow and face the parade of drunk frats? Or should we park near the dunes and walk out to the beach? We can sneak back when we think they’re all passed out or gone.”
Walking into your own house and not feeling welcome is a phenomenon I’ve gotten used to.
I walk on eggshells around Henry, who will fly off the handle about anything.
We pull into the gravel parking lot of the estate, which is packed with showy cars.
These kids go to fancy colleges and make it known by the stickers adorning their rides—no subtlety about anything in their lives.
Even if their parents bought their way into these institutions, they’re not afraid to flaunt it.
Once we park, Kat lays her forehead on the steering wheel, delaying getting out.
“Don’t want to walk into the den of wolves? Take the entrance over the garage, and I’ll go in and make small talk,” I offer. I have about as much desire to do that as peeling off my toenails.
“Naw, I can handle it. It’s just that I’ve gained a decent amount of weight since I’ve seen all these people, and they’re not the type to let me live it down. I’m preparing myself for the fat insults disguised as compliments, that’s all.”
“Well, you look incredible and I love every ounce of you. And if it’s any consolation, I’m sure these guys have all lost a significant number of brain cells even though they’re in college.
All the coke and beer pong will do that to you.
Hell, half of them are probably already balding and using Viagra and you’re gonna feel insecure because you’ve gotten even more beautiful? ”
We hold hands on instinct, and then drop them right as we pass through the entrance.
The guys are in the den, and you can already smell the expensive cigar smoke.
Kat and I meander in, and the conversation drops off.
Everyone gawks at the two of us—a clear sign that these fools were gossiping about us.
“Katelyn, Heath,” Eddie Lind nods at us. The only jerk in the room decent enough to say hello.
Katelyn smiles sheepishly as she waves a hand in his direction. Eddie’s eyes light up, and he’s unfazed by Kat’s weight gain or how much I’ve shot up. The others titter and scoff like they can’t wait for us to leave and get the scoop from their petty king, Henry the Sloth.
“You want to join us for a Brandy and catch up?” Eddie offers.
“No than—”
“Sure, that’d be cool,” Kat responds, cutting me off.
“Sure, why not?” I mock.
We step all the way into the room and scurry over to Eddie to escape the gaze of the rest.
Eddie tells us about Duke, his apartment, his classes, and such. Kat offers up her experience of her last year at Fairmont and what we do for fun in Montauk and Wainscott Hollow.