Chapter 10
Heath
Ten years sober of her, and at the first chance of a hit, I couldn’t resist. Because of all the temptations in this world, the only one that can bring me to my knees is Katelyn Shaw.
If soulmates are a reality, she’s mine as I am hers, and not time, or distance, not even the devil himself, can truly keep us apart.
I flex my hands, desperate to get the memory of her off my skin.
I shouldn’t have touched her. I should have left Eddie there for her to collect and been done with it.
But my dreams never prepared me for the pull that surged through my body when I saw the wind tangle her long, dark hair.
I wanted to kill Eddie and had she not been there, I would have, but the idea of killing him and hurting her did me in.
I don’t want her to look at me the way most people in New York do—with fear and disdain.
I want her to see me the way she did when we were kids, to gaze upon me as if I’m her everything.
Everything I’ve done has been for her. To be good enough for her, to show her that I’m capable of giving her whatever she could dream of.
While it’s not necessarily clean money I’ve made, these rich fuckers didn’t get their fortunes by being virtuous either.
I’ve committed my share of atrocious crimes to get what I have, including the occasional hit when absolutely necessary.
But don’t try to tell me these one percent assholes don’t have blood on their hands for every dollar in their possession.
The difference is, I seek out and destroy evil while they slaughtered innocence.
Corporate sanctioned murder is still murder.
The entire time I was in the city, all I dreamed about was Kat.
I was sure that despite all the horrid shit she’d said to me that she felt the loss too.
Our love was forbidden, clandestine, yet no matter what happens in our separate lives, our souls will always belong to each other.
So when I saw the fuckin’ wedding announcement, I wanted to burn Wainscott Hollow and all of Montauk to the fucking ground.
But that wouldn’t be prudent, so I did the next best thing.
I bought everything Kat loves, every inch of space around her, because it was the only way to get close to her. She sure as hell wasn’t marrying me.
If I couldn’t own Kat, I’d own her refuge.
“Heath.” She calls my name.
I’m sure it’s the wind playing tricks on my mind, the dunes flooding me with repressed memories. I keep walking up to the estate to kick Henry out of his bed.
“Heath, wait.”
I stop but don’t look behind me, not caring to see the black void I’ve been living in for a decade reflected back to me. I’m haunted simply by her voice and the memory of her love.
“Heath,” she whispers as she nears. Her sweet touch alights on my shoulder. “What the hell are you doing back here?”
“To recover everything that was taken from me.”
“What was taken from you?” She moves fluidly like the waves and stands in front of me.
I don’t want to look at her because the pain is so acute. Yet, I’m fueled by her beauty, and I breathe her in as if she’s my only source of oxygen, and without her, I’d die a thousand deaths.
“You, Kat. You were taken from me. One day we’re in love, about to run away and start our lives, and the next, you’re telling me you feel nothing for me, that it was all a lie and what we shared wasn’t mutual?
My sanity, my peace of mind, my faith in humanity, it all died when you shut me out. You were all I had in this world, Kat.”
“It was my only choice. I did it to protect you, Heath.”
“Well, Kat, I can protect my fucking self. And I sure as hell could have protected you better than your pathetic husband or your piece of shit brother.”
Why does she still have a pull on me? Why can’t I shake her off like I do everything else?
I told myself that buying the land was about Henry, to finally bring him to his knees.
To show the pompous ass that the poor, white trash kid from the Bronx could outsmart him and outbuy him despite all his connections and his pedigree.
Money might get you far, but you can’t buy magnetism.
But who am I fucking kidding, in the end, if I’m honest, everything I did was for her. To make her see me as worthy so she’d want me again.
“I never believed you were unworthy,” Kat whispers. She casts her eyes down to the sand beneath her bare feet. She has the nerve to look contrite.
She loses her footing and falls to her knees when I push her away from me. Her touch is like poison seeping into my skin. My fingers circle her soft, delicate throat, and I squeeze.
“You ruined me, Kat. You cursed me to damnation. You killed all the benevolence inside me and left an empty husk. All the betrayal, the beatings, all the bullshit Henry and his minions put me through here, was nothing compared to the brutal pain you lodged deep in my heart.”
Kat’s hands grip mine, her nails digging into my flesh. She’s hoping I’ll loosen my hold because of the pain she’s inflicting, but I welcome it. I’ll take anything she’d be willing to give me, still a dog begging for scraps at her feet.
She was my world, and all I was to her was the charity case her father took in. The pathetic boy from the wrong side of the tracks that she used to slum with before she settled where she belonged, with the upper crust of society.
Her creamy skin turns a light shade of blue as she tries to grasp a breath.
“I could kill you, Kat, squeeze a little more and end you.” I push her down on the ground, flexing my fingers.
“But damn you, because killing you would be killing myself. I don’t want to live in a world without you in it.
You’ve bewitched me, Katelyn Shaw. Ruined me.
You’ve destroyed me, but I still can’t bear the idea of hurting you. ”
I let go and she rasps in air, crosses her arms around herself and stands her ground.
“How did I destroy you? Seems like life’s been good to you, kinder than it’s been to me.”
I grip the lapel of my Italian leather jacket. “You think this is the meaning of life? Money? Material things?”
Shock flashes in her eyes as she looks up at me, “No, of course not. You know I’m not like that.”
My head falls back as I stare at the star-lit sky and laugh.
“How would I know that, Kat, since the last choice you made was wealth over love, status over connection, them over me? Remember how you said you didn’t love me, never had?
How you were provided for, and all I could give you was a roach-ridden run-down apartment in the Bronx. ”
“I-I was young and scared.”
I move in close until my nose is pressed against hers, fist her hair and yank her head back. She winces. and I shove the pang of guilt aside.
“Yeah, so was I, Kat. So was I. Eighteen, alone, and I’d just woken up and told myself that the life I’d planned my future around was a joke.
When you fuckin’ dumped me like trash, you took everything from me.
Now, I’m back, and I’m going to take everything from you.
You and those entitled assholes you surround yourself with.
You’re mine, Kat, forever mine. That hasn’t changed.
I realized you were right. Money is all people like you know, and if it’s money you need to tie us together, then so be it. ”
“You don’t need that, Heath. I don’t need any of that.”
My fingers tangle in her hair, wrapping her soft tresses around my hand as I yank her head back again and peer down at her. “I do because money is what will get me the only thing I’ve ever wanted.”
“What do you want?” she asks me, eyes wide, lips barely moving.
“You.”
I crash my lips to hers, and they part for me. The kiss is violent. It’s not loving or sweet but an inferno of need and desperation. It’s ten long years of misery and a past so turbulent that I’m shocked we’ve both survived to adulthood.
She wraps her hands around the nape of my neck, pulling me toward her, and all I want to do is drown in Katelyn Shaw.
Because we were born for one another. She is mine, and I am hers.
No matter how many times we shatter one another’s hearts, we are perpetually connected, she and I.
Bound to each other for eternity. Separated, we spiral into our own versions of living hell.
Begrudgingly, I pull away from her first, my mouth still close to hers, as if she’s the one that gives me life, providing the air in my lungs.
“Everything I’ve ever done was for you, Katelyn. When I open my eyes and rise, it’s because of you. When I close them at night, even my dreams flood with visions of you. I can’t escape you, even if I wanted to.”
My fingers dig into her arms, and she winces.
I know I’m hurting her, but it’s nothing compared to the pain she’s inflicted on my soul.
I scan the beach, remembering our special place, our days of innocent bliss, peace and freedom taken for granted.
What we presumed to be a given—the two of us united—would one day come crashing down.
I now know love isn’t an indulgence to be enjoyed, it’s a rare gift we have to fight for.
I push on Kat’s arms, and the urge to crush her bones into dust ignites briefly under my hands.
“You chose this,” I gesture to this cursed land, Wainscott Hollow. You chose Henry and Eddie fucking Lind, over us. The dark ocean roars, and the low-hanging silver moon looks like we could pluck it out of the sky.
“Heath, you’re hurting me,” she cries.
“You’ve damned us, Katelyn. You’ve damned us straight to hell. Because we will never be okay apart. You chose wrong and condemned us to a lifetime of pain.”
I get up and walk away, abandoning the woman I love like I did years ago. But no matter how hard I try to forget this place and my past, I can’t because Katelyn Shaw is so deeply planted in my soul that she runs through my very bloodstream.