Chapter Eighteen
Jackson
"It was fucking embarrassing, Marcus."
Rian has her arms wrapped around herself, one shoulder pressed to the guest-room wall, and the worst part is that she isn't wrong. She is entirely, catastrophically right.
I've been standing here for the better part of five minutes trying to find a version of this conversation that doesn't end with her knowing exactly what she already knows. So far, I've got nothing.
I hadn't seen Rosalie in over a year. Twelve fucking months.
A year isn't even that long in the grand scheme of things, but when you're used to seeing someone every week for most of a decade, it feels like forever.
Rose was part of everything for so long that I got used to living around the fact that she wasn't there.
Then she walked through the door, and every bit of progress I thought I'd made packed a bag and left the building.
I didn't know she'd be here. She hasn't come to any of the major nights since she left, so I never expected it. And if I had known...
Fuck.
Fine.
If I'd known Rose was coming tonight, would that have played a role in asking Rian to come with me?
A small role.
A moderate role.
Jesus Christ.
A significant role.
Which makes me a bastard. I'm aware. Rian deserves better than being deployed as emotional body armor while I prove to myself and everybody else that I've moved on.
Then Rose walked in and I stared at her like I'd never seen a woman before.
I could not get my fucking eyes to cooperate. Every thought in my head was telling me to pull it together. Rian's hand was literally on my arm, and I still sat there watching Rose hug Bennet like the rest of the room had ceased to exist.
Then I walked over and touched her face.
Hi, baby.
Excellent work, Marcus. Really sold the engagement.
And Rose leaned into my hand like she hadn't spent a year gone, and for those few seconds I forgot every decision I'd made since she left.
So yes.
Rian has every right to be pissed.
"I'm sorry, baby." I keep my voice even. "I really am. I never meant to hurt you like that."
She looks at me for a long time without saying anything.
"Are you still in love with her, Marcus? After all this time? After promising to try this with me for real?"
I open my mouth.
Nothing comes out.
Fuck.
Because she's right to ask, and every honest answer I have makes me the worst piece of shit known to shitkind. She deserves an answer. She deserves a clean one.
I just don't have one that won't hurt her.
"Announcement time!" Bennet's voice explodes through the apartment from somewhere beyond the door.
I close my eyes.
Rian closes hers too. When she opens them again, her face is back under control, but I saw what was there before she put it away.
"Just..." Her jaw tightens. "It's whatever."
"It's not whatever."
She looks up at me, waiting for me to say something... anything... and I should. I should answer the goddamn question she asked me.
I don't.
She shakes her head, turns, and walks out. I guess we're just going to put a pin in the emotional firing squad so Bennet can make whatever announcement requires yelling across an entire apartment.
The universe has a great sense of timing. Finally ready to move on, Marcus? That's adorable. Here comes Rose.
Enjoy the party, motherfucker.
Fuck you, universe.