Rose
I want to leave.
I want to walk back out those doors, get in Gerald's waiting car, go back to my seclusion, and never look back.
The urge is so strong my legs actually tense beneath my dress, ready to get up and make the decision for me.
I could be halfway to Catalina before the reception even starts.
Nobody would blame me. Hell, half the people who know the situation would probably applaud the decision.
Then my breath catches because Jackson and his groomsmen walk out.
Jesus Christ.
He looks so handsome it's genuinely unfair.
His long blond waves are pulled into a neat, deliberately messy bun, and his beard has been trimmed down to just past a five o'clock shadow.
His tux is dark gray and tailored within an inch of its life, doing criminal things across his arms and thighs.
He looks good. Really fucking good. The universe couldn't let him develop a stress rash or a bad haircut for me today? Nope, that would've been too generous.
Jade hasn't released my hand since we walked in, and I love her for it.
Jenn and Blaire hold down the rest of our row, and there are so many people packed into this cathedral it's absurd. Who even knows this many people well enough to invite them to a wedding? I could eliminate half my contact list right now and feel nothing. Let’s not even talk about the paparazzi outside just waiting for their money shot.
Jackson takes his place at the altar and starts looking over the crowd. His eyes move from one section to another, scanning the pews, and I tell myself not to do it. Don't assume he's looking for you, Rosalie. There are hundreds of people in here. He could be looking for anyone.
It takes him all of five seconds to find me.
And then he stops looking.
His eyes stay locked on mine while he stands at the altar waiting to marry another woman, and my stomach turns over.
There was a time I would've known exactly what that look meant.
I knew every version of Jackson's face, every tiny shift in his mouth or eyes, and he knew mine just as well.
Now I don't know whether he's nervous, surprised I came, pissed that I came, or wishing I hadn't.
Maybe I don't get to know anymore.
The music starts and the first pairs begin making their way down the aisle, but Jackson still hasn't looked away.
He doesn't glance toward the doors his bride will eventually walk through.
Doesn't check the wedding party. Doesn't do much of anything except stand there staring at me while I sit five rows back trying to remember that breathing is an involuntary bodily function and I shouldn't have to work this fucking hard at it.
Michael finally nudges his arm.
Jackson blinks and drops his head, closing his eyes for a long breath before he straightens and faces forward again.
"See what I mean?" Jade leans close enough that her lips almost touch my ear. "Always yours, babes."
"Don't."
It's all I can manage, and thankfully she leaves it alone.
Once the wedding party has taken their places, the music changes and everyone stands.
Rian appears at the end of the aisle.
Her dress is gorgeous. Fuck. Her dress is gorgeous.
The lace sits off her shoulders and runs down her arms, delicate enough that I immediately wonder how the hell she plans to hug anyone without snagging it.
The skirt is enormous, layer after layer of ivory tulle, and her train is so long two flower girls have been assigned to keep the damn thing under control.
And she's beautiful. I knew she would be. Although, I would really appreciate one flaw right now. A bad eyebrow. An unfortunate tooth. Maybe she kicks puppies recreationally and the press simply hasn't uncovered it yet. Give me something to work with.
But I know enough about Rian to know she isn't some horrible woman I can comfortably hate for taking the only man I've ever loved.
She's smart. She's successful. From what I've seen, she cares about him.
And right now she's walking toward him looking happy enough that hating her would make me the asshole in this situation.
So I don't.
I just stand there and let it hurt.
That's the shitty part about loving someone and actually meaning it.
I want Jackson to be happy even when his happiness has nothing to do with me.
I told him to move on. He did exactly what I asked him to do, and now I get to sit five rows back and live with the consequences of being granted my own fucking wish.
Rian reaches the altar, and we take our seats as Jackson takes her hands in his.
My chest tightens again.
Jade immediately pulls my hand into her lap and clasps it between both of hers. "You're okay. Keep breathing deep, babes. We'll leave as soon as it's over."
I nod and keep my eyes on the altar.
I came here to see it happen. So I'm going to see it happen.