Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Ella
The next morning, my anger had dissipated a little, and I was ashamed for screaming at God, but I was still bitter about my situation.
I awoke chilled to the bone and decided to try the whole “chopping wood” thing again, but when I opened the door to the back porch, I found a freshly cut pile lying on the mat.
What in the world?
A small torn piece of paper lay on top, and when I picked it up, my stomach dropped. It was a handwritten Bible verse.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34:18
This had to be from the guy from last night.
Mr. Cowboy. And a month ago, it seemed like something I would have done—give a Bible quote to a friend who was down or in mourning.
But right now, it just made me angry. I didn’t want God to uplift my spirit.
I wanted my husband back. And how dare this guy assume I wanted Bible verses and chopped wood!
Well, the wood was nice because I was freezing, so I’d take that.
I dragged the wood in and crumpled the Bible note, but I stopped short of chucking it into the wood stove.
There, next to the big old black stove, was the little table James had set up with our his-and-hers Bibles on top.
On either side of the table were two well-worn recliners we’d gotten secondhand.
My Bible was pink leather with my name embossed in gold, and his was brown with his name in gold as well. It had been our one-year anniversary gift to each other, and we’d envisioned many joint Bible studies by this fire.
With a lump in my throat, I slipped the crumpled piece of paper into my Bible and then made a fire.
After loading the woodstove and getting a nice roaring fire going, I made some breakfast and started searching online for jobs in town.
Sitting alone in this house wasn’t going to help me move past my grief.
I needed a distraction. Not to mention the money.
James had a life insurance policy, but it wasn’t enough to last my whole life.
It would get me by for maybe six months, but if we needed a new roof or anything like that, we were in trouble.
If I needed a new roof, I was in trouble.
I corrected my thinking. Because we was I now.
That thought depressed me, and so did the job postings in town.
I’d been the office manager of a busy dental office back in Boise, and all they had here in Willow Harbor was a cashier job at the donut shop.
No work was beneath me, but the pay was less than half of what I had been making at the dental office, and it had no benefits.
I needed health insurance now that I wasn’t getting it from James’s job as a software engineer.
I sighed, and then there was a knock at the door.
Better not be the firewood man with more Bible verses. I’d have chased him outta here with a sharp tongue. I was not in the mood. But the mere thought saddened me. When had I become so angry? I’d never had thoughts like this before.
When I pulled the door back, I came face to face with…a chicken.
I blinked rapidly, trying to figure out how the chicken rang my doorbell, when an older woman swam into view.
“Sorry!” she called as she swooped down and grabbed the black hen. “I rang the doorbell, and then this one got out of the trailer.”
I peered at her truck in my driveway and scanned the sticker on the side of the animal trailer.
Darlene’s Farm Animals.
“That’s okay.” I smoothed my hair. When was the last time I’d showered? I must have looked a mess. “How can I help you?”
“Should I bring them out back to the barn?” she asked me with a confused look on her face.
I frowned. “Umm, no. They’re not mine.”
Her face fell. “Did I ruin the surprise?” She peered behind me as if she expected to see James come out to greet her any moment, and my impossibly fractured heart broke a little bit more. “Your husband said it was a surprise, and he was going to tell you before I delivered the animals he got you.”
I couldn’t find my voice. James… he had known I wanted chickens and goats eventually, but we’d talked about pacing ourselves.
“These…are mine?” I cleared my throat, forcing a smile, something I was getting good at. “I just can’t believe it!” I told her, and her concern gave way to joy.
“Your husband said this has always been your guys’ dream. We’re happy to help. I’ve been breeding and raising livestock my whole life. He picked out the best of the best for you. Is he home?”
A tear slipped from my eyes and rolled down my cheek, but she graciously ignored it.
“He’s at work,” I lied. “What a wonderful surprise. You can bring them to the barn. I’ll meet you out there.”
“Sounds good,” she told me, probably assuming I was emotional at the sweet gesture.
The barn. The barn was empty. No hay, no watering bins, nothing. Before I could say anything more, she chucked the black chicken into the driver’s seat and drove out of our driveway and onto the side road parallel to our home that led to the giant red barn.
I had fallen in love with the barn before I’d even seen the house.
The real estate agent had decided to list the picture of the red barn and rolling hills as the main picture for the property, and I knew it was the one right then.
I told James that I wanted to fill the barn with chickens, a pair of goats, and a highland cow.
I was daydreaming. I never thought he’d do it right away.
After wiping at my eyes, I slipped on some boots and stepped outside with a shaky breath.
Now that I had time to think and process things, I wondered if I should tell this lady the truth. That James was gone now and kindly ask if I could return the order. I could barely take care of myself right now. I wasn’t going to be able to take care of whatever she had in that trailer.
But my heart ached at the thought of returning a gift from my sweet husband. A beautiful gift that said he’d believed in our dream. The farm.
By the time I walked over to the barn, Darlene was already unloading two white-and-black-spotted goats into one of the stalls.
“You out of hay? I have a few extra bales,” she said.
Tell her. Tell her the truth.
“It’s been a crazy week. We meant to get the barn ready, and then one thing happened after the next. James just texted, and he is actually at the feed store right now getting everything.” I’d never been a liar; how was I lying so easily now?
She smiled at that, nodding. “Good,” She chucked the black chicken into another stall. “Watch that one. She thinks she’s human but is sweet as honey.”
As if she understood Darlene’s words, the black hen leaped up onto the top of the stall door and began to nuzzle her head into my shoulder like a dog would when asking to be petted.
Darlene and I laughed at the same time. Hers was a light and airy sound, mine a haunting thing. As if I’d forgotten how. It was forced and full of cobwebs, and I instantly felt guilty. My husband was dead. I should never laugh again.
On cue, over a dozen hens of various breeds and colors stepped out of the trailer, pecking and scratching at the ground as they went, and I gasped.
“Are those silkies?” I pointed to some of them that had fuzzy feet and fluffy hair. I’d seen them on a social media post once and thought their fluffiness was adorable. I told James we had to have a hundred of them. He’d gotten me four. All white ones.
“Sure are. Sweetest girls you’ll ever know.” Darlene reached down and patted one of their backs.
“Mooooooo.”
I jumped at the sound and spun.
“Is that…” I burst into a sob then as a highland cow walked off the trailer, and Darlene looked at me with alarm.
“I’m sorry.” I wiped my eyes. “I’m just so happy and really emotional.” I lied.
Highland cows were fluffy and also my absolute dream farm animal. They were expensive, too. James had said I’d have to wait at least a year before we could afford one.
“All the other animals you can name. But this girl will only answer to Bliss.” Darlene stroked her neck, and I nodded, walking up to pet her reddish shaggy hair.
“Hi, Bliss.”
“You gonna be okay until your husband gets back? He said you didn’t know much about animal husbandry and were both beginners.”
She had no idea. James had probably planned to tell me weeks ago, and then we would have researched and prepared together.
I nodded. “Just maybe give me a pointer or two.”
An hour later, Darlene drove away after having overloaded me with information, and I wished I’d taken notes. I had over a dozen animals in my barn and no food or water for them. I was honestly surprised she’d left me with them.
Moving into damage control mode, I locked Bliss in her stall. The goats were in theirs, and I left the chickens to free-range while I went to the feed store. I’d have to search for some videos later to figure out what the heck I was doing.
I had wanted a distraction in the form of a job, but this would have to do.
Once I got to the store, I was shocked to see how busy it was.
I waited for over ten minutes, hoping to talk to someone about what kind of feed to buy for the chickens, and then gave up and went in search myself.
The cow and goats would eat primarily hay, but the chicken feed was confusing.
Grower, layer, meat bird, grit, oyster shell…
There were so many things to consider. While I was agonizing over two bags of organic chicken feed, a voice called behind me.
“Can I help you decide on something?”
Finally, a worker to help me figure this out!
I spun to face the voice, and my stomach dropped.
No. Not him.
Embarrassment flushed through me as my gaze landed on the cowboy from last night.
The one who had seen me have a nervous breakdown and then chopped wood for me.
The look of surprise on his face let me know that he didn’t realize it was me until I turned around.
But he definitely knew who I was now, and I found myself looking at him more closely in daylight.
Over six feet tall, with a sharp jawline, dark brown hair, and piercing blue eyes.
I scanned his flannel shirt and jeans, looking for a name tag. “Do you work here?” I asked, hoping we would both ignore the mental breakdown firewood thing and forget it ever happened.
He shook his head. “But you’ve been standing in front of the feed I need for about five minutes now, so I figured I would offer to help.”
More embarrassment flushed through me, as if that were possible, and I stepped aside. “I’m sorry. Layer, crumble, meat. It’s all too confusing.”
He smiled, and I noticed he had dimples in the sides of both cheeks, which gave him a boyish look.
Even though I moved out of the way, he was not making any effort to get whatever he needed. “How old are your hens?” he asked.
I shrugged and held my hands up to indicate how tall the black one was.
He stifled a laugh. “And do you intend to butcher—”
“No way! Eggs only.” I stopped him, and he side-stepped me, grabbing the organic layer bag, plus the grit and oyster shell. “Free feed all three. Plus water, of course.”
Water! I’d almost forgotten to get a watering feeder.
“Thanks.” I hefted the thirty-pound bag into my cart with a grunt and then the two small bags of grit and oyster shell.
“My pleasure.” He grabbed a bag of feed for himself and tipped his hat to me.
Just walk away. That is good. We’re clearly neighbors, and I just want to pretend like nothing happened last night.
“You know I don’t mind chopping your firewood if you—”
“I’m fine!” I barked and grabbed the handles of my cart, beelining it out of there.
He’d had to go and ruin a perfectly good neighborly meeting by bringing that up.
I got a watering dispenser for the chickens and two large water troughs for the goats and Bliss. Five hundred dollars later, I was back home and setting it all up. One of the goats tore into the alfalfa hay like a rabid wolf, and I laughed.
“You will be called Wolfy,” I told the one with more black spotting. He bleated loudly in agreement. The other goat vaulted into the air and landed on top of the bale, eating away. “And you’re Jumper,” I told her.
Bliss. Wolfy. Jumper… Only about twelve more names to go for the chickens.
By the time night fell, I was exhausted, yet I felt a bit lighter than when I’d woken up that morning. Having these animals to care for gave me purpose, and it was not lost on me that it was all from James.
That night, I numbed my mind in back-to-back episodes of my favorite TV show. I didn’t want to think about anything, not James or firewood or those animals outside. I was just surviving, and once I found a job and was busy at work, everything would be fine.