Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Ella
After driving myself home, I called my mom and Anna.
They were shocked but thrilled, of course, and both booked tickets to come visit me within the next few weeks.
I decided I was just going to take it one day at a time.
The empty bed still depressed me, and thinking of raising an infant alone made me want to cry myself to sleep, but I was determined not to fall into depression again just as I was coming up out of it.
The next morning, there was more firewood outside with a note.
“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings, you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” - Psalm 91:4
Seth seemed as persistent as his grandmother. Under the Bible verse was a longer note with a phone number at the end.
Heard you needed a job with healthcare benefits. Lucky you, my assistant just quit. You’re hired so long as you don’t bring the diaper chicken to work. Call me for details.
-Seth
I grinned at the diaper chicken comment. Was he for real though?
“He doesn’t mean that, Honey.” I stroked her feathers, and she gave me a ba-gok.
I dialed him immediately.
“This is Seth,” he said.
“I don’t need a handout,” I told him.
“Oh, hello stubborn-Ella.”
I rolled my eyes at his nickname, but there was a smile on my lips.
“Hello. Got your note. I don’t need a pity job.
I am actually well qualified. I worked as an office manager at a dental office for five years.
I did inventory, ordered stock, and did all the billing for seven employees.
Not to mention setting up appointments and dealing with customers. ”
“Well, that’s great. You sound overqualified for what I need, but I’ll take ya anyway.”
I scoffed. Was he serious or just making this job up for me?
He was a sweet guy; I could see him doing it, but I didn’t want to put him out financially.
“You really had an assistant just quit?” I quizzed him.
A job up the road would be amazing. I needed healthcare because delivering a baby was expensive, as well as the baby themselves.
“I did,” he said.
“You’re a Christian. You wouldn’t lie, would you?”
He laughed, “Alright, you caught me. It was Maggie, and she just quit so I could offer you the job. Happy?”
I frowned. “Well, no, because now Maggie is out of work.”
“Oh, I wasn’t paying her. She did it for free because she gets bored.”
My frown deepened. “Well, I don’t want to put a financial strain on you just so you can create this job for me.”
“I’m very blessed financially, darlin’. Don’t you worry about that,” he replied.
I was silent. There was nothing left to argue about.
“Well, fine, if you’re still offering, I’d like to interview for the job.” I sat up a little taller.
“No need. You’re hired.”
My stomach warmed at his kindness. “Well, alright. When do you want me to start?”
“Whenever you want,” he answered. He made things too easy.
“And what salary are you offering?” If it was too low, I’d have to politely decline.
“How much do you want?” he asked.
“Seth!” I scolded him. It seemed like I could ask for the moon and he’d give it to me.
“Sixty thousand a year?” he said, sounding unsure. “And you can work part-time when the baby comes but still keep your benefits.”
Sixty! That was more than I’d made at the dental office.
“Alright, I accept. Thank you.” I felt my throat tighten with emotion. This was a kindness I wouldn’t soon forget. It felt like a weight had been lifted from me.
“Also, Maggie says see you tonight?” he added. It was Wednesday.
I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll see her tonight, and I’ll start Monday if that’s okay.”
“Fine by me, Ella. See you then.”
We both hung up.
I rubbed my flat belly and began to feel excited about the prospect of a baby and a future where I could pay the mortgage and actually put food on the table.
“I think we got this,” I told him or her.
That night at Widow Club, my own term of endearment, no one acted any differently towards me, so I knew that Maggie hadn’t breathed a word of my condition. I had a nice night, and we were just about to leave when Ruthie made an announcement.
“Alright now, we all know how lonely the holidays can get, and with Thanksgiving just around the corner, I’ve decided to host at my house this year. I know a lot of you have families to be with, but if you’re alone, then please stop by my place.”
The girls all began to shout out their thanks to Ruthie as I processed what she’d just said.
Thanksgiving. Christmas. Holidays without James.
And just like that, the depression crawled back over me like an old friend.
I’d been celebrating holidays with James for years.
There wasn’t a Christmas tree in my adult life that I had decorated without him.
The holidays were his favorite time of year.
We had all of these fun traditions, and before I knew what was happening, I burst into tears in front of everyone.
Silly hormones.
The room went silent, and Ruthie rushed forward. “Oh no. What’s wrong?”
I waved her off, wiping at my cheeks. “Oh, nothing. I just forgot about the holidays coming up.”
The room gave a collective aww, and then they all rushed in and hugged me.
Luckily, my mom would be here for Thanksgiving, but I wasn’t sure about Christmas.
Maybe I’d go see her in Paris if I could afford it.
Then, I could ignore all the traditions we would do at home.
My mom’s tiny apartment in Paris probably didn’t even have room for a tree.
“My first holiday without Jim was the worst. I don’t recommend going it alone. Come to Ruthie’s,” May told me.
I smiled, wiping my cheeks. “I’ll be fine. My mom’s coming. I just hadn’t really thought about it.”
With hugs goodbye, I wished everyone good night, went home, and slept. Over the next few days, I laid low, battling morning sickness and fatigue until my first day at work with Seth.
He gave me a full tour. I had a small office in the barn.
It was clean and heated, and it had a computer and a phone.
But Seth told me I could just as easily work from home if I wanted.
I told him I would prefer the barn most days because it was nice to get out of the house.
I learned all of the ranch hands’ names and how to process their bi-weekly paychecks.
I learned when to order cattle and horse feed and how much.
I learned a lot and was really grateful for the work.
I liked learning new things and being useful, and it kept me busy, which was a blessing.
The first two weeks flew by, and then before I knew it, my mom and Anna were here, and I had my first doctor’s appointment.
“The blood work confirms you’re indeed pregnant,” my new doctor told me as she stepped into the room. “You’re about eight weeks along based on when your last menstrual cycle was, and now, we just need to do a viability scan.”
My mom held my one hand and Anna the other.
“Viability?” my bestie questioned.
Doctor Keats nodded. “Just to make sure everything is healthy. Especially with…any extreme stress on the mother.”
I looked at my mom, and she blushed. So she’d told Doctor Keats about my losing James? Great. Now, everyone was just going to feel sorry for me every time I came here.
Viability… like the baby might not be…
My heart rate ratcheted up a notch, and my eyes filled with tears.
Up until this moment, I hadn’t been sure I even wanted this baby.
It was a horrible thing to admit, but from the second I’d found out I was pregnant, I just kept wishing it weren’t true.
I wanted a baby eventually! Just not while I was still grieving the loss of my husband, and I didn’t want to raise a baby alone.
But the second the doctor said that my unborn child might not be viable, I wanted this baby more than anything in the world.
I turned into a mother bear in an instant and placed a protective hand over my belly.
The doctor asked me to lie back and pull up my shirt. I did.
“Alright, there is going to be some cold gel,” she said, and then she squirted the gel onto my abdomen.
Lord, if you’re still listening to me… Please don’t take my baby. I’ve lost too much. I won’t survive it. I begged God at that moment, wondering if He would even listen to a woman who’d shouted at Him and spent most of her days angry at Him over the last several weeks.
A blob came on the screen, and then there was a fast flicker.
“What’s that?” I asked in a panic.
“The heartbeat,” the doctor said, smiling. “It’s a perfectly viable and healthy pregnancy.”
Relief spread through my limbs as I nearly burst into tears.
“Praise God.” My mom clapped her hands.
Anna leaned in to squeeze my arm. “My bestie’s gonna be a mama,” she said.
Then, as if a shard of sunlight pierced through heavy clouds, I felt some of my depression lift.
I loved James with my whole heart, but he was gone, and we’d made this baby together, in love, as husband and wife, and I wouldn’t be any less of a mother to it just because the circumstances weren’t ideal.
Thank you. I sent up a quick prayer, unsure how I felt about talking to God again. On one hand, it felt good, and on the other, I was still mad. But this baby wouldn’t suffer for it. As Maggie said, I was determined that it was going to be the biggest blessing of my life.