Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ella
The next day, I decided to forget that Seth’s letter existed. I was going to run some errands in town and deal with it on Monday. It was about eight a.m. and I needed animal feed, so I threw my hair into a messy bun, tossed on some leggings and an oversized T-shirt, and headed into town.
It was Sunday, and my mind drifted to Seth and the sermon he was going to preach because the pastor was out of town. Was he on his way to church right now? Would he speak about being a good God-fearing Christian and how to lean on God in times of trouble?
I sighed. It was hard not to feel like my life was a mess right now.
I was about halfway between my house and town when the car binged at me and I noticed the gas light was on.
“Shoot! No.”
I had been so distracted when I got into the car that I must have missed noticing the fuel was low. I peered anxiously at the clock. It was a small two-lane highway, and I was directly in the middle of the thirty-minute drive where there were no services.
My phone rang, distracting me, and I picked it up.
“Hello?” My voice was flustered.
“This is a collect call from Idaho County Jail. To accept this call, press one. To reject, hang up.”
Oh my goodness, this again! In a fit of rage, I pressed one.
“Mrs. Collins,” came a young male voice.
“Stop spamming me!” I shouted as the car began to sputter and slow down.
“This isn’t spam, miss. I am…the man that… Well, I’m the one who killed your husband,” the voice said.
Shock tore through my system at his words, and I careened the car off the road and into the side pull-off area before it completely died. I turned the engine off and tried to control my breathing.
“What did you just say?” My mind went in a thousand different directions.
Idaho County Jail. The policemen had said they were going to press charges and I wouldn’t need to do anything.
I’d been given some paperwork I barely remembered about a court date and asking if I wanted to write a letter to the judge, but I hadn’t been interested in any of that. None of it would bring my James back.
“Ma’am, I don’t want to upset you. I just called to—”
“Don’t ever call me again,” I snapped and then hung up the phone, instantly bursting into tears, my hands shaking.
I felt so violated. He sounded so young, and he was polite, and I wasn’t prepared to be confronted with my husband’s killer. How in the world had he gotten my phone number?
I stared at the stupid empty gas line on my dash and shook my head, wiping my tears. Could this day get any worse? I wasn’t sure whether to walk back toward home or forward toward town, but then a familiar truck pulled over in front of me and I sighed.
Seth.
After that note he’d sent, the one I hadn’t responded to, I wasn’t dying to see him right now, but being stuck by the side of the road, I didn’t have many options.
I got out of my car just as he got out of his, concern etched all over his face.
“You okay? Car trouble?”
The response died in my throat when I took him in. Black suit, white-collared shirt, and matching black cowboy hat. I’d never seen him look more handsome.
“Ella, you okay?” He walked over to me, and I shook myself from my stupor.
“Ran out of gas and got a weird phone call. Sorry. Can you drive me into town to get some gas?”
He consulted his watch. “Yes, but you gotta go with me to church first. You can wait in the car, but I’m gonna be late if we don’t go right now. Maggie is already there.”
Oh, shoot. His sermon! I grabbed my purse, locked my car, and ran to hop into his truck. It took a minute with how giant my belly was getting, but once we were inside, he pulled back onto the road.
“So this is how you finally get me to church,” I joked, hoping he wouldn’t bring up the note.
He laughed. “Yes, I made you forget your own gas.”
Touché.
We drove in silence for a good five minutes, and it started to get a little awkward. We normally chatted more than this, and I was starting to wonder if he was thinking about the note.
“Ella, I wanted to say something about that note.” He winced. “I never should have sent it. I’m sorry. I don’t want to ruin the nice friendship we have, and I know it’s way too soon to even be thinking of anything like that. Let’s forget it ever happened.”
I opened my mouth to respond.
But he stopped me. “Nope. It never happened, so we don’t even need to talk about it.”
I laughed, smiling over at him in his handsome suit. He had such an easygoing personality. It was one of the things I really liked about him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, and he relaxed a little, his grip on the steering wheel lightening.
“So, what weird phone call did you get?” he asked.
I sighed, looking out at the lavender fields as he pulled off the road into town. A Welcome to Willow Harbor sign greeted us as we drove past it.
“It was from Idaho County Jail. James’s…killer.” It was harsh but true.
Seth stiffened. “What? How did he get your number? What did he say?”
I shrugged. “He sounded young and polite. I hung up on him.”
Seth nodded. “Good. And I’ll go talk to the sheriff if you want and see how he got your number. He shouldn’t be allowed to bother you.”
I waved him off. “It’s fine. I told him not to call me again. I think he wanted to make amends.”
Seth side-eyed me. “Did you look up the case at all online?”
I chewed my lip. “No. Why?”
“Nothing. Just wasn’t sure how much you knew or wanted to know.”
I sat up straighter just as Seth pulled into the church parking lot. “What is there to know? What do you mean?”
There were streams of people dressed in their Sunday-best walking into the pretty white-painted building, and my heart pinched for a second.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss church. The music, the message, the spirit, the people. Tears pricked my eyes, but I blinked them back.
“You wanna come in? You can stay backstage,” he offered.
I scoffed. “No way. I look gross.”
Seth smiled at my joke and turned the car off.
“Wait, what did you mean about looking up the case? What is there to know?” I asked again.
Seth swallowed hard, his hand on the steering wheel of the car. “The kid who killed James was two days past his nineteenth birthday. He was high on drugs and a first-time offender. He got life in prison with no parole.”
The kid. He’d said kid. I didn’t want to feel sorry for the guy. But I did. Barely nineteen. Life in prison with no parole? I mean, he’d murdered my husband, so getting him off the streets was good. And he had been on drugs, but that wasn’t an excuse for murder.
I just nodded, letting the shock of his words sink in.
“Idaho doesn’t mess around with murder. They said they would have given him the death penalty if he were older,” Seth said.
That made my eyes widen. James wouldn’t have wanted that. A life for a life. And suddenly, I was grateful for the life sentence. This was overwhelming. I wasn’t sure what to think.
Nineteen.
“I’m sorry, Ella. I have to go.”
I shook myself. “Of course. Good luck.”
He nodded. “I’ll get you gas and back on the road after the service.”
I just nodded, unable to shake myself from the stupor of finding out my husband had been killed by a nineteen-year-old high on drugs.
I watched Seth walk inside, and then the trickle of people turned to nothing as I peered up at the clouds above the church.
For some reason, it made me angrier that a kid with no priors had killed James.
Why couldn’t it have been some old man who had gang ties and a rap sheet of previous offenses enough to fill this car?
That would have made it easier in my mind.
Being alone with my thoughts right now was causing me to spiral into anxiety about the kid now serving life in jail and the stupid guilt I felt about that, even though it was what he deserved.
He was a murderer. Without another thought, I exited Seth’s truck and began to pace the lot.
I couldn’t just sit there for an entire hour and a half—or however long this would take.
I spied a cute play structure and a bench off to the side of the closed main doors and made my way there.
When I passed the main doors, they opened, and a woman with dark-brown skin and kind eyes peered right at me.
“Welcome home,” she said, and her voice caused chills to run down my back.
Welcome home? That wasn’t usually how you greeted someone at church. I opened my mouth to respond when the sound of “Amazing Grace” reached my ears. Someone with a really nice voice was singing, and the woman holding the door open for me didn’t seem to be offended by my grungy outfit.
“I… Well…” I paused, unsure what to do.
“It’s nice and cool in here,” the woman told me, still holding the door open.
That sold me. Air conditioning. I was pregnant, and it was starting to warm up into spring.
Without overthinking it, I stepped inside and peered around.
It looked the same as when I’d come with James for the first time.
We’d just moved into town, and even though we hadn’t barely unpacked one box, we’d wanted to check out the church.
We’d walked hand in hand through these doors, James had grabbed a coffee, and then we’d sat down in the service.
My eyes misted over as I listened to the sound of “Amazing Grace” coming from the closed chapel doors at the back.
Wow, she was talented. Whoever was signing had a gift, that was for sure. When I was halfway to the closed chapel doors, I peered behind me to thank the woman for holding the door open for me, but she was gone.
Huh.
I was so spacey today.
The gas, the call from jail, and now I was in church! This was a Sunday for the books. As I drew closer to the closed doors, my baby started to kick in my belly.
I smiled, reaching down to rub the elbow or foot or whatever was currently poking out of my tummy.
“You like music?” I whispered to her or him.
I leaned against the doorframe, just listening to the song and softly humming to myself.
The lyrics suddenly pierced my heart:
The Lord has promised good to me
His word, my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
They were my favorite part of the song, but hearing it now just made me feel angrier at God. Those lyrics used to make me feel so safe.
“Where were You to shield James from harm?” I whispered to God.
The music ended, and then Seth’s voice then filled the space.
That’s when the door opened, and there was the beautiful brown-skinned woman waving me inside.
It was dark inside the sanctuary, with just a spotlight on Seth, and part of me was curious about what he would talk about. Besides, he wasn’t a real pastor, so it didn’t count as me going to church, right?
Without fully thinking it over, I slipped inside. I was halfway to a seat in the back when all the lights turned on, and I froze, peering over at the stage and locking eyes with Seth.
Busted.