Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Ella
Three weeks later
I was sleep deprived, I hadn’t showered in three days, and I was pretty sure I was existing on coffee and cereal.
But my heart was overflowing with love and joy.
The moment I looked at June and then at Paul, my whole world stopped and my heart grew twice as big.
It was like the grief of losing James fled at that moment.
There was only joy. And Seth was by my side through all of it.
Maggie had been by my side through the labor, but the second they said I’d need to get into the OR and have surgery, I’d wanted Seth.
I hadn’t wanted to be honest with myself over the last few months out of respect for James, but Seth was special to me.
Special in a way I couldn’t explain yet.
It was too soon to put a word with the feelings, but I’d wanted him to be in that delivery room.
I’d wanted him by little June’s side because I knew that Seth would protect her.
Now, my mom and I were leaving for Paris, and I was ready for the change. I was ready to get away from Seth and see if my indescribable, possibly romantic feelings still existed without him right next door to me all the time. I need to focus on being a mom and see where the next year took me.
“Ready?” my mom asked as we surveyed the house. All of my personal items were in storage, and the new tenants were ready to start living here and taking care of the animals today.
I peered down at the twins, asleep in their car seats, and then at my four carry-on bags.
“Yep, just gotta drop Honey off at Seth’s,” I told her and bent down to pick up my beloved chicken.
I’d caught her napping in June’s car seat the other day, and I was already teary-eyed, thinking about leaving her for a year. Seth was sweet to take care of her and promised to send me pictures and videos.
As my mom packed the car, I slipped out the front door and walked over to Seth’s.
Ella: Walking over with Honey.
Seth: Hope you brought her fall diaper collection
I smiled. That man was always good for a laugh.
When he stepped out onto the porch, my stomach did somersaults. Seeing Seth felt a little different every time. I used to just recognize that he was a handsome man. Now, I was thinking of other things. Like wondering what it would be like to kiss him…
“You sure this isn’t imposing?” I asked him, trying not to love the way he looked in a white T-shirt and work jeans.
“Taking care of your house diaper chicken for a year? No way. Not imposing at all,” he said sarcastically.
I laughed, but then my face grew serious. “I can put her in the barn with the others, and my house sitters can feed her.”
Seth reached for her. “No way. She’s important to you, so she’s important to me.”
My breath caught at his statement. It was so incredibly sweet, and I felt God pressing on my heart a truth that I’d known for a while.
Seth was meant to be mine one day. The timing was just off.
I let him take Honey, and then we stood there awkwardly for a moment.
“I already said goodbye to Maggie and the girls,” I told him.
Seth nodded as Honey removed some lint from his shirt. “I’ll miss those babies,” he said. “And you,” he added.
Again, my breath caught. I leaned forward, pulling him into a hug. “I’ll miss you, too,” I whispered into his ear. “But I need this.”
When I pulled back, there were unshed tears in his eyes as well as my own. I pulled the note from my pocket and handed it to him, then walked away before it could get any harder to leave him.
I needed Paris right now. I needed time with my mom and my babies. I needed to fully grieve the loss of my husband. But I prayed that God really did mean for Seth to be in my life. That he’d wait until I was ready.