Bailey
It’s been a week since those two pink lines threw my life into chaos.
I’ve spent a lot of time debating on how I would tell Daniel and my parents.
With Daniel, I figured a text would be the best option.
It might seem impersonal, but we just haven’t talked and I don’t want him to get the wrong idea if I send a text that asks to meet up.
If he wants to talk in person after I tell him, I’m more than willing to do that, but I think this is the first step.
Aiden sinks down onto the spot next to me on the couch. “Just hit send, Blue,” Aiden says, giving me a stern look. I close my eyes tight and tap send on my phone.
Me: Hey Daniel, I know it’s really random to hear from me after over a month, but I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you something, and this is the only way I can think to do it.
About a week ago, I found out I was pregnant, and you’re the only person I’ve been with in over a year, so the baby is yours.
I am planning on keeping it. I don’t expect anything of you, but I thought maybe you would like to know.
You can be as involved or uninvolved as you want.
I am prepared to do this on my own if you don’t want to be involved.
Now, we wait to see if he responds. I lay my head in Aiden’s lap, while we watch New Girl reruns.
“I don’t know what I actually want from him. Do I want him to be involved? Or do I want him to say he doesn’t want anything to do with Little Bear so I don’t have to worry about him?” I ask with full sincerity.
Aiden is the only person I’ve ever been fully honest with, so I don’t feel the need to filter myself with him.
“I wish we had a chance to get to know him better before all of this. Then we might get a better idea of what kind of dad he would be.” Aiden runs his fingers through my hair as we talk.
“That’s so true. I mean, he was sweet when we talked at the coffee shop, but all he wanted to talk about at the bar was football.” I run a hand over my face, “Hopefully he will respond soon, then we won’t have to worry about it anymore.”
“I’ll be here every step of the way no matter how he feels about this.
If he wants to be involved, he will find he has a new friend.
If he doesn’t, well, you’ll have me to help with all the late nights and early mornings.
You and Little Bear will always have me.
No matter what.” His eyes are shining with something that looks an awful lot like longing.
I feel my cheeks heat and my heart begins to race, those feelings that I bury deep inside me make an untimely appearance.
“Thanks, Bear,” I say, shyly. I sit up and turn to face him, giving him my best puppy dog face, “Will you go get me a popsicle? The baby wants it.”
It’s not the baby that wants the popsicle, it’s one hundred percent me, but he doesn’t need to know that.
Bear rolls his eyes at me and gets up, “Blue?” he calls from the kitchen.
“Yea?” I say, thinking he’s talking to me.
He walks into the living room a few seconds later holding a blue and an orange popsicle.
I laugh and shake my head, “Sometimes the nickname you gave me when we were four is inconvenient. I really thought you wanted to tell me something, not asking about the popsicle color.”
Aiden snorts a laugh. “Your nickname will never change, Blue. You’re stuck with it.”
We sit in a comfortable silence, eating our popsicles, letting Nick, Jess and the rest of apartment 4D distract us from the way my phone screen remains black.
Once our popsicles are finished, I lay down with my head on the arm of the couch, feet in Aiden’s lap. I doze off as he gently uses his thumb to rub the arch of my foot.
I don’t know how long has passed, but I’m woken up by my ringtone. I sit up, slowly, stretching my stiff muscles as I grab my phone off the table and open the text I’ve been waiting for. Aiden comes to sit next to me, so he can read the text over my shoulder.
Daniel: Are you serious? Listen, that night was fun, but I’m really not ready to be a father.
I talked to my parents before sending this, and they are advising that you contact our lawyer.
We will want a test done to make sure it is actually mine.
Like I said, it was fun, but I really don’t want to be involved.
He sends contact information for a law firm that I’m guessing his parents wanted me to refer to. Guess that answers my question.
I toss my phone back down on the table, close my eyes, and take a few deep breaths. I don’t know what I expected from him, but not wanting anything to do with this baby that I already love so much wasn’t it.
“I’m not going to lie, that’s basically the response I expected from him. It’s fine. He’s missing out. I have no doubt Little Bear is going to be an amazing human. He will miss out on their entire life,” Aiden says with an eye roll.
He’s playing it cool, but years of friendship tell me he’s pissed as fuck right now. He protects the people he cares about, and he cares about me and Little Bear more than anything in the world, so for someone to dismiss this baby that easily is killing him.
I do my best to ignore Daniel’s text, to put it out of my mind, but his words sit heavy in my gut.
Aiden does his best and cracks a joke or two, but they hardly land.
I need to tell my parents—figure out what my future looks like from here.
In a way, I’m almost relieved. I want my baby to grow up in a household full of laughter—and I know for a fact that there isn’t a better family for that than the Bakers.
I don’t want anyone in my child’s life that isn’t one hundred percent in it because they want to be there.
I know from experience what it’s life to not be wanted, and I will never want that for my child.
I know the Bakers will love this baby as if they’re one of them, just like they do with me.
After a few days of wrapping my head around Daniel’s response and the idea of being a single mom, Aiden and I are, once again, sitting side by side on the couch. I have my mom’s contact information pulled up, working up the nerve to press call.
I reach a shaky hand toward the green circle on the phone, then jerk my hand back, turning toward Aiden. “What if they cut me off?”
“Blue, I hate to say this, but I think you and I both know that is the most likely outcome.” He grimaces.
“I have briefly looked at jobs around here, there isn’t a lot available this far into the semester. Something might open up over break, but what will I do until then?” I throw my hands into the air.
“Bailey, I have told you this more than once, I will just pull from my trust fund. I do not want you getting a job while you’re pregnant and in school.” Aiden takes my hands in his, “You’re worried over nothing.You know I want to be there. Why won’t you let me?”
“Why would you guys want to, Bear? It’s a small miracle my parents haven’t cut me off already.” My knee bounces uncontrollably.
“And if they had, my parents and I would have been there to support you.” His eyes are pleading with me to hear him, understand him.
“Aiden, you and your family have done nothing but support me my whole life. I can’t continue to burden you.” A tear rolls down my cheek.
Aiden cups my cheek with one hand, using his thumb to wipe the tear away, “Blue, you know we want to be there for you. You have never and will never be a burden to me or my parents.” He gives me a smirk, “You and I both know Momma and Pop love you more than they love me. Stop worrying about everything. Let us help you, please.”
Instead of responding, I pull my hand from his and press the button to call my mother, making sure it’s on speaker so we both can be part of this conversation.
The call connects, and I hear her mother’s voice. “Bailey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Mother,” I lie, “can you get Father for me? I would like to speak to both of you.”
God, I sound so fucking formal. Why am I like this whenever they’re around? I put on this whole fake personality, become the person they want me to be, just so I might get a small bit of their favor.
“So there is something wrong,” She sighs, the sound has the nausea that has been my constant companion for the last couple of weeks crawling up my throat. Please don’t throw up. “One moment, I’ll go get him.”
“Starting off great,” I whisper to Bear.
My entire body vibrates with anxiety. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be getting through this if Bear wasn’t sitting right next to me, holding my hand.
“Bailey, what’s wrong?” My father’s voice comes through the speaker, his tone flat.
“I don’t know how else to say this other than to come right out with it. I’m pregnant.” I whisper, my voice shaky.
There’s a long pause on the other side of the phone. I reach for Aiden’s hand and squeeze it. Needing his grounding presence while we wait for them to say something. Anything.
“Excuse me?” A high pitched version of Mother’s voice shocks me. “Bailey! How could you let this happen?”
“Mother, I didn’t do it on purpose,” I say, trying to remain calm. “It was an accident.”
“You have two options, Bailey Nicole.” My father’s voice is laced with fury, and I brace myself. “Terminate the pregnancy or never speak to us again. You will be cut off from us. No car, no apartment, no college.”
“Dad, please. You can’t mean that,” I say, knowing full well, he isn’t bluffing.
“I don’t say things I don’t mean, Bailey. I will not have this mistake tarnish the reputation I have worked hard for for the last thirty-five years. My child having a baby out of wedlock isn’t an option.”
“And the child of a very vocal pro-life CEO having an abortion is?” Aiden asks, and he may be more angry than my father.
“Why am I not surprised you got her into this mess?” My mother says with venom in her tone.
“No one will find out about the abortion. I will have the doctor performing the procedure and all nurses and staff present sign an NDA. I will send you the details of where to be and when.” Father just assumes I’m terminating. But that won’t be happening.
“I’m keeping the baby.” It takes all my courage to say that one sentence. Because I know, with those four words I just lost what little bit of support my parents gave me.
“No, Bailey Nicole. You are not.” I hear a loud crash, like something heavy hitting a wall, and a muttered “dammit” on the other side of the phone.
“Dad, I am not giving up my baby. I understand what keeping this baby means, and while I have appreciated all the support from you guys in my life, I am not giving up this baby.”
“Be very sure about this decision, Bailey, because if you do not agree to the abortion before this call is over, I will be calling the bank and cancelling your credit cards. I will pull my payments for school and your apartment. I will have your car towed to me. You will have nothing to your name.” He’s entirely too calm.
“I should have cut you off a long time ago, but your mother insisted it would look bad to have my daughter working while she was in college, so I have supported you. That will change right now if you don’t make the right choice. ”
“Sir, with all due respect, this conversation is over.” Aiden has my phone in his hand.
His face is red with anger. “Bailey doesn’t need your support.
I have kept my mouth shut my entire life about how shitty you treat your child.
Bailey has never been able to count on you guys for anything other than money.
The fact that this is the first time she has ever done something less than perfect and you’re cutting her off over it is, quite frankly, ridiculous.
Little Bear may not be my blood, but he or she will be loved by me and my family.
We don’t need you. So respectfully, go fuck yourself.
” Aiden hangs up the phone, tosses it down on the coffee table, sits down on the couch next to me and pulls me into his lap, holding me close while I sob into his chest.
I don’t know how long it takes for me to have some semblance of control over my tears, but once I do, I manage to say, “What am I going to do, Bear? As of right now I probably have no way of even paying for groceries, let alone the copay for my appointment on Monday.”
“I know you wanted to tell them in person, but I think you should call Momma and Pop. I’m sure they will have a way of helping us figure out where to go from here,” he says, running a hand up and down my back.
It hits me all over again how truly incredible Aiden is.
He’s not only my best friend, but my protector, my shoulder to cry on, the person I turn to when life gets hard.
I don’t know where I would be without Aiden, and I truly hope I never have to find out.
This is the biggest reason I keep those secret feelings in my dreams, because I won’t risk losing the friendship we have built by bringing them into the light.
“Okay, I’ll call them. I’m scared, Bear. I know they love me like I’m one of their own, but having them be disappointed or mad at me will be worse than the conversation we just had with my own parents,” I say as I reach for my phone.
“They love you more than they love me,” he teases. “I’m sure they’re going to be ecstatic to have a grandchild,” Aiden reassures me.
I open my phone to see a text from my father
Father: Bailey, this will be the last time you hear from me or your mother.
Unless there is an extreme emergency, I do not wish to have any further contact with you.
Your credit cards have been cancelled, I have sent an email to your leasing company to reach out to you for further payment information on your apartment.
I’m sure I will not be able to get out of this month, so your apartment is paid through the last of the month.
You have one week to figure out a way to buy your car from us or it will be towed and sold to someone else.
Your phone will be shut off at the end of the month, so I would suggest you figure that out as well.
This school year has been paid for, but you will need to make arrangements for next year.
These are the consequences of your actions.
I hope you’re prepared to live with them.
I look up at Aiden who has been reading the text over my shoulder. He grabs my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, “No matter what happens, Blue. You will always have me.”