28. Bailey
Bailey
Four hours later Aiden, Momma, and I are in a birthing suite at the hospital.
Momma pulled into the hospital right as we were checking in, and met us in the suite with Aiden and I’s bags and a few snacks.
I am hooked up to an I.V. for the magnesium and fluids, and monitors taking my blood pressure every ten minutes and two on my belly tracking Rowan’s heart rate and contractions if I have any, which I’m not expecting to.
Over the last month I have had a few Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing serious.
I’m trying to remain calm in this situation, but in reality, I’m freaking out.
At thirty four weeks pregnant, Rowan has a very good chance of being born with very little complications, but that small chance that she won’t, freaks me out.
She will need time in the NICU while her lungs continue to strengthen, but she should be perfectly fine.
This little girl in my belly is my entire world, and the thought of anything happening to her makes me physically sick.
Bear and Momma have been trying to keep me calm, and it’s working.
Momma brought my kindle, my favorite blankets, and headphones to give me something to do while we wait.
“Bailey, are you up for visitors?” Momma asks, “The family wants to come visit. But don’t feel pressure to say ‘yes.'"
“Maybe tomorrow? I’m exhausted, and just want to eat dinner and try to get some sleep. It could be a crazy couple of days, Lord knows once the induction begins I won’t be able to rest.”
“That’s totally okay, Bee. Are you okay if I go home for the night, and come first thing in the morning? My phone will be on and loud all night if you guys need me for any reason.”
“That’s totally fine. Not much should happen tonight, this show will really pick up tomorrow afternoon when they start the induction and the second steroid shot. I’m just going to sleep tonight. Plus there is only one extra bed here.” I tell her.
“We can have a cot rolled in if you guys need another bed.” My nurse, I think her name was Zoe, walks into the room at that very moment. We’ve left my door open for the last couple hours because doctors and nurses have been in and out hooking me up to things and asking questions.
“Maybe tomorrow night? When the induction has started, both of these two will be in the room the whole time. Right?” I say looking at both of them.
I suddenly feel so unsure about everything.
We have gone over my birth plan a million times, but nothing is gong according to the plan.
This entire pregnancy has been one misstep after another.
Intense morning sickness, hypertension, pre-eclampsia, and now an induction?
I feel like I’m in over my head with life right now.
That doesn’t even include all the ways my relationship with Aiden has changed.
While all those changes are good and exciting, they’re also overwhelming.
There have been way too many big changes in my life in a short amount of time.
Right as I wrap my head around something, something else changes. I need life to give me a break.
“Of course we will be my girl.” Momma stands from her seat next to Aiden, walks up to my bed and kisses my forehead. “I’m going to head out. I’ll see you first thing in the morning. Let me know if you want me to bring you anything.”
“How’s everything going in here?” Zoe asks. “Can I get you anything?”
“I think we are okay. We are just about to order dinner. I am going to try and get some sleep tonight since tomorrow could be a long day.”
“That sounds perfect. I will need to come in a few times throughout the night to check your vitals and such, but I will try and keep my visits to a minimum tonight.” Zoe is so sweet, and I’m grateful she is going to try and give me as much space as possible tonight.
I’m already exhausted, and I know that tomorrow is just going to be even more exhausting.
Sleep didn’t come easily last night, but I managed about five broken hours.
It's late morning, and Dr. Hampton is in the hospital today, so he came to check on me about an hour ago. He told me that while my blood pressure is still high, it’s out of the danger zone like it was in the office yesterday afternoon.
The goal hasn’t changed. Right around three o’clock this afternoon they will begin my induction and give me the second steroid shot.
The goal will be to deliver Rowan vaginally, but a c-section is always an option depending on how everything goes.
I basically told him that as long as she is born safely, I don’t care how she gets here.
My birth plan is already fucked, so might as well just go with the flow
Momma called a little bit ago saying she was on her way.
She was running a bit later than she planned because she slept through the alarm she set and Pop didn’t wake her up.
I guess Pop had called Aiden and because things were still uneventful around here, Pop thought letting Momma sleep was the way to go.
Tonight is going to be a long night, and I’m going to try and nap as much as I can today anyway.
Aiden walks out of the bathroom and climbs into the bed next to me, “How are you feeling sweetheart?”
“I’m feeling okay, the closer we get to three, the more nervous I get. I know they said the induction could take a long time, but I’m just nervous.” I lay my head on his shoulder, holding back tears.
“It’s going to be okay, Blue. I know I’ve said that, and I really shouldn’t promise you that, but I have to believe that after all we’ve been through to get here that the universe wouldn’t snatch it away right as things get good.” He says.
“I know,” I turn my head up and kiss him softly on the lips. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“I have been planning a surprise for you for the last few weeks,” He gets up from his spot on the bed next to me and walks over to his duffle bag, “I had planned to give this to you next week at the baby shower, but I asked Momma to bring it with her yesterday.” He ruffles around in the bag for a few moments before pulling out what I believe is a black ring box.
I blink a few times to make sure I am seeing what I think I’m seeing.
This man better not be proposing to me while I am laying in a hospital bed looking a hot mess.
Not that I don’t want to marry him, because hot mess or not, if this man asked me to marry him right now I would enthusiastically, say ‘yes,’ but this just doesn’t feel like the moment.
I want to be able to savor the moment he proposes, and remember that day for the rest of time.
It will be my dream coming true, and there is just too much going on today.
“I can see you freaking out, it’s not a ring—yet.
I may be a man, but even I know not to propose while you’re trapped in a hospital bed.
” He comes to sit back down on the hospital bed.
He hands me the box, I open it and gasp at what’s inside.
Sitting against the velvet pillow is a rose gold chain with a rose gold teddy bear dangling off it.
The bear has a small blue heart shaped diamond in its belly.
It is delicate, and beautiful. “I had my dad’s favorite jeweler help me design it for you.
I wanted something that represented not only our girl, but our relationship as well. ”
I look up at him with tears streaming down my face.
My voice comes out thick with heavy emotion, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever been given.
Will you put it on me?” He reaches into the box to grab it out and moves my hair out of the way so he can put it on me, replacing the necklace he gave me all those years ago, true to my word, I never took it off.
This new one really is the perfect piece.
It’s delicate and beautiful, but not childish like you might think for a teddy bear necklace. I’m in love with it.
“I love you, Blue. Someday, hopefully soon, you’re going to be my wife. And while I already think of my Little Bear as my daughter, I can’t wait for the day we can make it official. I can’t wait for both of you to have my last name.”
When I was dreaming of a life with Aiden, I never thought it would all happen this fast, but in some ways it just makes sense. When we went from strangers to best friends in the span of a second. It only makes sense that going from best friends to each other’s everything would be fast too.
Aiden was my first kiss, I was his first everything. We will be each others’ lasts. We are the forever, until we are old and grey kind of love. What we have is once in a lifetime, one in a million. He’s my soulmate and my person, and he always has been.