Chapter 34 #3
He sighs audibly, resting his forehead against mine and digging his fingers into my waist. “All of it. Everything. I don’t want to hurt you, Ever.
I just don’t . . . You deserve better than this.
Better than me.” He brings his hands to either side of my face like he wants to kiss me, but he doesn’t.
“What are you saying?” I hold my breath.
“I can’t get into this. I—we don’t have time to discuss this right now.”
“But there’s something to discuss. Just say it, Julian. If you changed your mind, just say it.” I hurl the last part, wanting to hurl my fists at his chest. I push against it instead.
He drops his hands. “It’s not that simple.”
“It really is.” I hold my breath again, waiting for him to deny it. He doesn’t. “Just go before you miss your plane.”
“I hate leaving like this.We’ll talk when I get back. Ever, it’s going to be alright. I promise.” His eyes try to meet mine.
I don’t look at him. I focus instead on my clasped hands, my thumbnails flicking against each other. “You can’t promise that. You don’t know. No one knows. It just is what it is.”
“Hey. I’ll see you when I get back. I’ll hurry as much as I can. Okay?” He dips his head to try to catch my eye.
Always the accommodating one, I force a smile and nod.
He kisses me quickly on the lips as his his finger traces around my ear to a lock of my hair. He twirls it once, lets it slip free, and turns to go.
I stand on the bottom stair until the sound of his Jeep disappears, then I trudge back upstairs and straight into his room, where I find the hoodie he was wearing the night before on the foot of his bed.
I drag it on over my head, stuff my arms into the sleeves and sink onto the mattress.
As the first tear falls, I pull my knees up to my chest and yank the hem of the oversized hoodie over them.
Five minutes! I allow myself five minutes to feel sad and wallow in the unknown and what-ifs.
Then I stand up, swipe my face with the dangling cuffs of the sleeves and leave for work.
I stay so busy filling in the gaps of his absence between Fit and Brew that time flies.
And I mostly sleep soundly with him gone, but it may have more to do with the hoodie I wear that smells like him. I’ve been wearing it since he left.
***
When I arrive home from Brew Friday night, I hope he’s already there.
He texts instead to say he can’t get home until late the next day.
We haven’t texted much since he left. And I didn’t initiate any.
He texted the first night to say goodnight and that he’s been busy all day with meetings.
Somehow, I knew he wouldn’t make it home for the party.
I selfishly wanted him beside me to face the Oak Valley crew tomorrow.
I know I’ll have my sister and mom there, but Julian sparks a peace or confidence in me I can’t readily explain.
He grounds me. Or he did. I’m not sure I can even admit that to him now in this limbo state of WTF we’re in.
I’m caught somewhere between wanting him by my side and avoiding him entirely.
Especially if he plans to end things. And this turmoil does nothing to put me in a celebratory mood.
Skipping out on the festivities isn’t an option though.
Especially with my mom in town. They wanted me to come down last night, but I told them work was too busy.
I knew that would shut my mom up, the dictionary definition of a workaholic.
There’s nothing to do now except show up and get through it. Maybe none of the crew will be there.
Yeah, right.
I know I won’t get that lucky.
***
Iarrive before anyone else. For almost two hours, it’s just the three of us.
I can’t remember the last time we were all together, just us.
My mom looks good. Happy. Via looks euphoric.
Exactly how a newly engaged person should.
We laugh, joke and prep for the party as if no time has passed between us.
The Davis girls are superior at compartmentalizing.
It’s not like life gave us any other choice.
Via has no idea things changed since I brought up Julian on our call, so it’s only a matter of time before she spills the tea to my mom. And I know she’s dying for me to mention it, but considering our current dynamic, I can’t bring myself to do it. Leave it to Via though.
“So, Mom. There’s a guy. In Blue Lake. His name is Julian. And Everly likes him.”
“Oh, honey, a real boyfriend. Wait, he’s real, right? Or is this your latest book?”
Via snickers behind her.
“Really, guys?” They don’t know anything, so I roll with it. Besides, if it is over, maybe I can just pretend for today. “He’s real. He’s a trainer at Fit. And he’s nice and good looking. And nice.”
“You already said that.” That from Via.
“Shut up, Via.”
“So where is Mr. Wonderful? You should’ve brought him.” My mom keeps arranging the snack board like me having a boyfriend (if he is my boyfriend) is the most natural thing in the world.
“Working. He had to fly to L.A. to meet Allie for some work stuff.”
“Mom, Julian is internet famous. Some workout videos of him went viral on YouTube.”
“Okay, someone better pull those up.”
“I got rid of my social media a long time ago, so I’ve never even seen them. And we don’t have time for that right now. Later, okay? And where are the cupcakes?”
“Garage fridge,” they say in unison.
I just ducked my head into the fridge when I hear her voice. “Everly. I figured we’d see you here. How are you?”
Kendall.
Her saccharine voice drips fake kindness.
We left the rolling garage door open because our garage has always doubled as a game room with a pool table and dart board.
First with my dad and his military buddies, then with Via and her friends through high school and college.
Most people use the garage like a front door.
I straighten up and turn around, my back to the wide opening, and face Kendall. She stands between me and the door that leads through the laundry room into the kitchen and my family—the only people who have my back in this town.
Chase stands next to her looking like he wished the floor would open and swallow him.
As he should. He could’ve cleared all this up a long time ago.
When it first happened. He and I both know I didn’t come on to him and that we didn’t sleep together.
His guilt casts his eyes to the floor he’d seemingly like to fall through while he shuffles from foot to foot beside her.
What did I ever see in these two? They look fake and plastic and . . . small to me now.
“Look, Kendall. Today isn’t about any of us. It’s for Ryan and Via. Can you just not? We can ignore each other.”
“Can I not? I just asked how you’re doing. And I haven’t done anything but be the victim here. We both are.” She gestures to Chase. “You took advantage of our kindness and Chase’s drunken state to sleep with him.”
“I didn’t sleep with Chase, and he knows it.”
“So do I.” Julian’s voice hits me like a cleansing wave just before his arms snake around my middle, pull me back into his chest and squeeze just a little.
Every cell of my body exhales as he dips his head, his nose nuzzling just behind my ear, and places a soft kiss on my neck. “Hi,” he whispers in my ear.
“Hi.” I close my eyes at his embrace. When I open them, Kendall and Chase are both staring, mouths agape.
“Chase, we’ve already met. Kendall, is it? I’m Julian, Everly’s boyfriend. I’d say it’s nice to meet you, but we both know that’s not true. Shall we go inside and celebrate the happy couple? Or should we discuss how you and your boyfriend lied about my girlfriend and how I know it’s true?”
“C’mon, Chase. We don’t have to listen to this.” Kendall grabs his hand to pull him inside.
“You’re right,” I find my voice. “You don’t. But if you think you’re going to continue your drama and bullshit inside, you can leave now. Today is for Via and you’re not going to fuck with it like you fucked with me. Your choice.”
“I think she means it, guys.” I hear the smirk in Julian’s words.
Then I see Via poke her head through the door, probably to see what’s taking me so long. She takes in the scene, and we make eye contact just before she realizes Julian is behind me. Ignoring Kendall and Chase, she squeals, “Oh my God, Julian? You made it. Ev said you were out of town.”
“Flew in just now. Didn’t want to miss it. Congratulations.”
That Via acted like she and Julian were old friends made me giggly. This is why Via fits in so well with the fake, plastic crowd. Not that she’s fake herself, but that she knows how to play their game. Maybe better than they did.
“Get in here and meet our mom.”
“We’ll be right there. I’m going to help Ever—ly carry the . . .”
“Cupcakes,” I fill in the rest of the sentence for him.
“Okay cool. Oh hey, Ken. Chase. C’mon in. Thanks for coming.” Via ushers them inside and closes the door behind her, but not before giving me the eyebrows.
I roll my eyes and turn to face Julian.
“Hi, pretty girl.” His finger traces circles around my ear—a habit that soothes me.
“Hi, Julie.” I kiss him, fully. I kiss him so long and deep that we’re both breathless when I pull away. “Perfect timing. How’d you even find me?”
“I’ve got your location.” He winks at me.
“And it turns out Ashley has a private plane.” Raising his eyebrows, he adds, “He and Allie flew me into the little Oak Valley airport, and I took an Uber to your location. They’re headed up to Blue Lake.
We’ll meet them there later. They’ll be here for a couple days and then Allie will .
. . wait for it . . . fly back with him.
” He wiggles his eyebrows on the last sentence.
“Allie and Ashley?”
“Yep.” He nods swiftly, holding his hands out to his sides, palms up. “Like two school kids. I think that’s why she’s not coming here today. The Ashley thing might overshadow the happy couple.” He tosses his head toward the door Via disappeared into.
I nod, agreeing with that logic. “No wonder she extended her trip.”
“Right? Worked out well for us too.” He wiggles his eyebrows, his blue eyes sparkling. The Julian I know.
“So, those two?” He tosses his head toward the door they all just went through. “They gonna play nice in the sandbox today?”
“I think you intimidate them, so yeah. I think they’ll behave.”
“Maybe you intimidate them.” He pins me pointedly with his dreamy eyes but quickly continues. “Olivia seems cool. Like her sister.” He winks at me again and pecks a kiss on the tip of my nose.
“Oh, Via is way cooler than me.” I don’t bring up any of the stuff I’m thinking and feeling.
Like how I could cry that he rushed here to be with me today.
That he called himself my boyfriend. To Kendall and Chase!
That he alluded to him knowing I was a virgin until him.
My eyes well at the thoughts flooding my brain and that he’s tracing circles around my ear with his finger.
I still wanna know what the hell happened before he left.
And more importantly what changed to bring back the Julian that I know and . . . yeah, love.
“What’s going on in there?” He uses his finger to lift my chin.
“Julie, I . . . thank you.”
“Shh.” He shakes his head. “It’s what boyfriends do, right?”
“Well, mine does.” I shrug my shoulders as I say it.
That got the low chuckle from him that makes my tummy flutter and my body tingle. He wraps both arms around me and pulls me tight to him, tucking my head under his chin. “I missed you, Ever.”
“I didn’t miss you at all.” I feel his low half laugh on my cheek that rests on his chest. “But I slept in your hoodie for three days.” I look up into his face and lift the corner of my mouth.
His smile is sweet if not a tad regretful. “C’mon, let’s go celebrate the happy couple so we can go home.” He turns me toward the door and lets his hand drift down my back to rest between my hip and ass like it belongs there. And it does.