Chapter 18-Kenya #2
Though I was a product of my mother, I wasn’t a reflection of her, and despite his words, I didn’t know if Devon could make the distinction and look past her behavior.
The silence in the car was deafening, and outside of the hum of his truck, the only sounds were my racing thoughts and my heart rate.
“Kenya, look at me,” he said to gain my attention.
“Baby girl.” This time, instead of just calling out to me, he pulled me over the console, to where I was sitting in his lap.
“Look at me.” I had no choice this time.
With tears in my eyes, I gazed up at him.
I was taken aback because instead of seeing judgment in his hazel orbs, I found comfort and understanding.
“None of what happened in there changes how I feel about you, and I hope that your mom’s response to me doesn’t change anything on your end either. ”
Devon wiped away my tears, which caused more to fall.
I’d never felt so vulnerable and simultaneously safe in my life.
I was so used to having to keep a guarded disposition, but Devon told me time and time again that it wasn’t necessary with him.
Now, here he was, holding me in his arms, proving that I could let my guard down.
“Of course, it doesn’t,” I muttered, hearing the desperation in my voice irritated me.
It was an instinct for me to retreat, but I quickly reminded myself that I could be vulnerable.
That was going to be a behavior I’d need to unlearn.
“I don’t know what I expected, but it definitely wasn’t this.
Your meeting my family was important to me.
I suppose I’ll have to set up something with them and leave her out. Devon, I’m sorry.”
“You can’t apologize for the next persons actions, baby girl, regardless of who it is.
When it comes to meeting your people, it’s no rush.
I already know what I need to know about you.
I already know that I love you, and that can’t be changed by someone else’s actions,” he sincerely stated and leaned down to give me a kiss, which I accepted without reservation.
Did he just say that he loves me? He said it so casually that it just flowed and caught me off guard. My eyes frantically searched his.
When did he realize he was in love with me?
Hell, did it even really matter when?
Not really.
“I love you too, Devon,” I responded after a moment of silence.
He leaned over to kiss me again, with a little more passion this time, and then we were on our way.
We rode in comfortable silence, listening to Devon’s music. I didn’t know the name of the song or the artist, but I found myself tapping the tip of my pumps along to the beat. I had never been the type of person to listen to rap or hip-hop, but his taste in music was beginning to grow on me.
“Your dad seems like a good guy,” Devon spoke out of nowhere. “I mean no disrespect, but he and your mom seem like they are night and day. I wouldn’t put them together as a couple. Hell, I’m surprised he would have her as a friend.”
“Yes, they have many differences, but they have been married for almost thirty-eight years, so it has to work for them. I don’t understand how it works, especially for my father, but it does. As you just witnessed, my mother can be quite a character and difficult to deal with.”
“They say that there is somebody for everybody,” he spoke as he grazed my thigh.
“Yes, babe, that is what they say,” I said just as he pulled into my driveway. “Would you like to come in?” I was hoping he would say yes. In a way, I needed him to say yes. Desolation gnawed at me, a resonating ache and desire only he could fill.
“No, I promised to help Dreux with his homework. He waited last minute to start a project, and now he needs my help.”
“Oh, okay,” I said unintentionally, making my disappointment obvious.
I couldn’t explain it, but I was always unhappy when Devon and I parted ways. I found myself wanting to be in his presence more and more.
“Don’t make that face, baby girl.”
“My apologies, I—” Use your words, Kenya .
I mentally chastised myself. “I wanted to spend some more time with you, but I understand. Dreux needs you. I love how you put him first. Tell him I said hello and give him a hug. If you have time, call me later.” I leaned over the middle console to give him a kiss and exited the car.
Moving quickly, I made it to the front door and unlocked it before he could get to me. I could see the worry on his face, so I put on a smile, waved and then shut myself behind the familiarity of my home.
While I felt like I needed to be alone because of our eventful day, I wanted to be alone with him.
I wanted to lay on his chest and vent about my mother, and I wanted to let out just how much it bothered me that she continuously compared me to my younger sister, who hadn’t accomplished a fraction of what I had.
Then, I wanted to tell him how I never felt good enough, and how I spent my life with my own mother treating me as if I didn’t belong, or as if I was an unwanted part of her life, particularly when my father wasn’t around. His absence gave her permission to be cruel.
My mother would take Kendra everywhere with her like she was the perfect accessory and would leave me at home with Fancy.
I reflected back on my childhood. Every year since I could remember, as soon as school let out, I would be sent to summer camp, while Kendra stayed back to go on summer vacation with our mother.
I never understood what I did so wrong to her for her to treat me less than.
Furthermore, I didn’t comprehend how my father allowed it.
He had to see what was happening. How could he not?
Since I needed to clear my head, I headed to my room, changed into my swimsuit, and made my way to my backyard pool. I figured that swimming a few laps would calm me down, and when I emerged from the pristine water, I felt rejuvenated.
After two hours of swimming, I went inside so that I could soak in a hot bath and call it a night. I knew that I needed to eat, but I didn’t have an appetite.
As soon as I got into my oversized bed, my phone rang. It wasn’t until then that I realized I had three missed calls from Devon. I answered his video call, and he instantly appeared in his du-rag. That was one thing that I still wasn’t a fan of, and I didn’t think it would ever change.
“Where have you been?” he asked as soon as the connection was established. “I’m breakin’ all kinds of laws to get to you.”
“I was out back in the pool, and I didn’t take my phone with me.”
“Don’t let that happen again. I was thinking the worst,” he said, truly concerned.
“Sorry, I just needed to clear my head,” I said as I sank further into my bed.
“That’s why I called. I didn’t like how you got out of the truck. I should have stayed with you.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. Dreux needed you.”
“But you needed me too.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you aren’t. I feel even worse now,” he said, shaking his head.
“Devon, don’t ever think that you have to choose between your son and me. I won’t allow you to. Dreux comes first.”
“You really are something special,” he said as he smiled into the camera. “Come outside.”
“What?”
“I’m pulling up outside your house. You can let me in, or I can jump the fence. It’s your choice. Either way, I’m coming in.”
“You didn’t have to come over here, Devon,” I said as I removed the covers from my body, slid out my king-sized bed and slipped my feet inside my Victoria’s Secret house shoes.
The shoes were my choice for the night because they matched the coconut white silk slip dress I was wearing, which was also from Victoria’s Secret.
“Didn’t you hear me say that I was breakin’ all kinds of laws to get to you?”
“Yes, but I didn’t think that meant you were on your way here.” I made it to the bottom of my staircase and then opened the door. To my surprise, he was already standing on my porch.
“Hey.”
“What the hell you got goin’ on?” He asked, wearing a scowl as he looked at me from head to toe.
The fury in his stare couldn’t be mistaken for anything else.
Catching me off guard, he pushed past me as if he had an open invitation to my house.
Normally he would’ve but his attitude wasn’t welcoming in the least. “Where the nigga at?” Shocking me even more, Devon retrieved a gun that was tucked in the back of the sweatpants he was wearing. “Bring yo’ ass out!”
I had my license to carry, and I recognized the sound of the safety being disengaged.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Are you crazy?” The answer to my question was obvious as I watched him rush up the steps like a madman.
“Nah. I’m not the one who’s crazy. You got me racing over here to check on yo’ ass, and you got another nigga in here. You must want the next man’s blood on your hands!”
Devon released a cynical laugh as he burst through the door of my guest bedroom.
I was glad the door was already open, because if it wasn’t, he would’ve broken it off the hinges.
“Devon, stop!” His reckless disregard and skewed passion ignited a fire in me. I wouldn’t let him get away with it and stopped him before he could do any true damage. “Stop!” I pulled his arm, and he faced me. “Nobody is here besides me. What are you even talking about?”’
“So, you just gon’ lie to me like that? You’re a better lawyer than I thought you were.”
His words cut me to my core, but I refused to let it show. I released my grasp of him and walked away.
“Fine. Check the entire house for all I care and be sure to lock the door on your way out.” My voice was raised right along with my heart rate. I was done trying to prove myself.
Devon was supposed to be better than that. He was supposed to view me better than that. Oddly enough, his chastisement hurt worse than my mother’s because I expected more.
I marched downstairs and headed straight for my refrigerator to grab a bottle of wine, and I wasted no time pouring a glass. With the way I guzzled it down, you’d swear it wasn’t the good stuff. My second glass was almost gone when Devon joined me in the kitchen.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” My head tilted to the side, awaiting his answer.
“I thought you had somebody in here.” He shrugged as if that would make the situation right, and that was the furthest thing from the truth.
“Wouldn’t the most logical thing be for you to ask me instead of jumping to your own irate conclusions?”
“I had to see for myself,” he added, putting the safety back on the gun he had and then placing it on my marble kitchen island.
I shook my head, finished my second glass, and then I poured my third without any hesitation. Courage was needed for what I was about to say, and wine would always do the trick.