Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
HANNAH
Luke proposing to me last night was like an out-of-body experience. Time stopped, my breathing stopped, everything went in slow motion. It was like a nightmare except that it was real life.
Now I was in bed the morning after and I felt numb inside.
I couldn’t get out of bed, and my mom had knocked on my door three times. I kept pretending to be asleep, but it was ten a.m. and the restaurant opened in an hour, so I’d have to figure something out.
Last night when Luke had proposed to me in front of the entire town, I just knew I couldn’t marry him and I would never be able to. Not after learning that Jack had shown up at my concert with flowers. Not after seeing Jack run down Main Street last night when he saw Luke propose.
I texted Jack three times with no response.
Hannah with two N’s: Jack, why didn’t you tell me you came to my concert?
Hannah with two N’s: Can we meet up and talk while you are in town?
Hannah with two N’s: Jack, are you there? I said no to Luke. I want to talk to you.
The messages were unread, so either Jack was purposely ignoring me or he’d blocked my number.
I was too saddened by breaking Luke’s heart to care about any of that right now. If Jack wanted to ignore me, then fine. I had bigger problems, like the entire town of Willow Harbor watching me turn down its most eligible bachelor.
“Honey, Jules is here.” My mom’s voice came from the other side of the door.
I sat up. “Come in,” I croaked.
My best friend stepped into my room carrying a bag from Peaches Café and a coffee, and I smiled weakly.
She shut the door and handed me the coffee and the bag without saying a word. I took a sip of the warm caffeine, and sighed as we sat in companionable silence for a full minute.
“I didn’t see that coming. I would have warned you if I’d thought you were going to say no,” Jules said.
I nodded. I hadn’t seen my refusing Luke Halston coming, either. He was my high school crush since I was fourteen. Marrying him had once been my dream.
I shrugged. “I think part of me wondered if he only saw me as wife material because I own a restaurant now and am a successful business owner.”
His comment about still being a waitress if Jack hadn’t bought me the restaurant bothered me.
She nodded. “Valid thought, especially after the way he broke up with you. But…what about…Jack?”
Hearing his name caused me to stiffen. Jack. Jack felt like a dream now. I’d seen very little of him since we first met. And I’d created some obsession with him in my head. Was India greater in my mind than it had been in real life?
“You think I said no to Luke because of Jack?” I asked her. I wanted her opinion because I thought part of me said no for that reason as well, but I didn’t want to admit it. At least not out loud.
“Did you?” she asked, compassion in her voice.
“I dunno.” Then I told her about bumping into Dennis right before and what he’d said about seeing Jack that day in the spring at my concert with flowers.
“Wow. That sounds romantic if he came in to surprise you.”
“I know!” I admitted.
“But then nine months goes by and he doesn’t really talk to you?” she offered.
“I think he might have heard what Luke said to me before.”
Jules nodded. “Have you prayed about it?”
Of course I had. A thousand times.
“God feels silent on the issue, but I have to admit, he puts Jack on my heart a lot.”
“Maybe just as a friend, though? Or as something more?” Jules asked.
I didn’t know, and that was the problem.
“He’s not a believer,” I told her.
Jules chewed at her bottom lip. “I don’t think the Lord would have you date a non-believer, Hannah.”
She was right. I could never marry a man who didn’t have a relationship with God. I wanted someone to pray with at night, someone to lead our family spiritually, but…At the same time, there was a pull to him that I felt was from the Lord.
“I think there is more to the story there. I just never got to hear it before…”
“He ghosted you,” she reminded me.
He had. Jack had ghosted me after our amazing time in India.
I sighed. “Maybe this is for the best. A clean break from Luke and Jack. I will throw myself into work and pray for God to send me the man He wants for me.”
But even as I said it, my eyes welled with tears. Had I made a mistake? Luke was perfect on paper, and the ring he’d shown me inside the box was beautiful. The words he’d spoken in front of the whole town were poetic, but…my whole heart wasn’t fully with him. The dead kiss we’d shared before was evidence of that.
Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I’d allowed Jack to wiggle too far into my heart and it caused confusion with Luke. Maybe Luke was who God had chosen for my life and I’d just screwed the whole thing up! A sob ripped from my throat, and Jules took the coffee and set it on the floor before pulling me into a hug.
“You know what I think you need?” she said as she rubbed my back.
“What?” I managed.
“To move out of your mother’s house. You have money now and you’re twenty-four. Get your own place,” she declared.
I laughed between tears because that was my blunt Jules. We were sitting in my childhood bedroom. I’d redecorated over the years, but she was right. I hadn’t moved out right after high school because I couldn’t afford to. Then my mom got cancer, and I had to take care of her. Now, I had no excuse.
I pulled back from her and wiped my eyes. “Do you think I made a mistake turning down Luke?”
Jules tucked my hair behind my ear. “I think, if he was the one God intended for you, then you would have known and said yes instantly. Love is hard, but you should wait for the man that you are one hundred percent sure of.”
She was right. I loved Luke. I always would, but what part of me loved him? Because he was my past, my childhood crush, my memories? Dating him for the last six months had been easy. We’d fallen into our easy conversations, holding hands, kissing under the stars, but it wasn’t what I’d thought it would be like. It still felt like puppy love, like a love with training wheels on, and I wasn’t sure that kind of love could stand a lifelong marriage. I would never forget how he’d broken up with me simply because I wasn’t ambitious enough, successful enough. Although he’d matured since then, that felt like a catastrophic character flaw.
I just prayed that God would carry me through this like He carried me through everything else. Because I felt depleted and unable to walk forward on my own.