Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
JACK
I pulled up to Willow Harbor Church, throwing my rental car into park. At this point, it would have probably been cheaper if I’d bought a car and kept it here. I blew out a shaky breath, watching people run inside as I remembered the last time I was here.
I hadn’t realized how much I liked Hannah until I’d heard Luke declare his love for her and tell her he was going to get her back. I’d seethed with jealously for weeks after that, but then I’d gotten to a place of contentment.
Whatever was best for Hannah.
Would Luke be in the crowd? Looking up at his fiancée or wife as she sang like an angel? I had no doubt her voice would be perfect. Everything about her seemed to be.
I should leave, I thought. I should throw this car in reverse and get out of this town right now.
But the lure of Hannah, of hearing her voice, of seeing her one last time even if it was all the way on stage…It was too great of a temptation for me to pass up.
I stepped out of the car just as the ushers holding the doors open slipped inside. I could hear the music blaring, even from out here. It sounded like rock music. I wasn’t sure what I expected from a church worship concert on Christmas—piano, a choir, or maybe acoustic. But rock wasn’t it.
I slipped inside and a guy on the far wall, wearing a security T-shirt, flicked his gaze to me.
I waved and gave him a smile, and he nodded, smiling back.
There was a cute coffee cart in here I hadn’t noticed last time. A few stragglers were standing in line ordering as I moved to the three sets of double doors, getting closer to the sound coming out of them.
It was definitely rock. Jesus rock . Who knew? Maybe I would even enjoy myself. I smiled at that, thinking of telling Dr. Morgan about actually enjoying a Christian concert.
I pushed the doors open and stepped inside.
Wow, it was really packed in here. There must have been at least two hundred people all crowding the front with their arms in the air. The music hit my ears, and I was surprised by how good it was. An entire band was on stage: a drummer, two guitarists, a bassist, a keyboardist, and three singers.
I spotted Hannah right away. She wasn’t singing yet, just smiling softly and holding her mic as a brunette belted into the microphone.
The brunette was talented, a clear voice that was honestly radio quality. That must be Jules. Hannah had mentioned her before.
I picked a seat in the back, grateful the lights were off and I could hide in the dark.
I sat back and listened to the words as the song ended.
They were talking about someone being asleep and needing to rise and wake up.
People threw their hands up to the ceiling, and some were even crying. The song ended and everyone clapped, including me. They were a talented group—there was no denying that.
Hannah brought the mic to her lips, and I froze, staring at her as the spotlight illuminated her on stage. “Merry Christmas!” she said with a smile. “I’m so blessed to be singing this next song for you by one of my favorite artists, Lauren Daigle. It’s called ‘Rescue.’”
The crowd clapped wildly, so it was a clear favorite, but I’d obviously never heard of it. Just seeing her up there, wearing a black dress with red tights, her hair a good six inches longer than the last time I saw her…My chest constricted.
The moment she belted the first note, a full-body chill broke out onto my skin.
It suddenly became hard to breathe. I felt something stirring within me. Hannah didn’t just have the voice of an angel. She was an angel in that moment. She was glowing from the spotlight, and it felt like she was singing right to me. Like the words were created for me. They spoke about being rescued and your innocence being stolen.
My throat clogged with emotion and I wanted to run. I felt so stupid for being on the verge of tears. It wasn’t just because her voice was beautiful. It was the lyrics. It was this feeling, like…I wasn’t alone.
When she sang about sending out an army to find me, I knew it was from the point of view of God. That whoever wrote the song was saying that God would send an army for the lost and I no longer had control of my emotions.
I couldn’t hold it back. As a tear slipped out of my eye and rolled down my cheek, an immense peace fell over me. It shocked me to my core. I hadn’t realized how lonely and sad I’d been until that moment. I hadn’t realized how at war I’d been within myself until I felt this supernatural peace wash over me. There was no other way to describe it.
What is this? What’s happening to me?
I was actually scared at that moment. I peered around at the people in my row, but they were just smiling joyously and looking at Hannah as she sang about there being no distance God wouldn’t travel to find this lost soul.
My breath was ragged as another tear fell, and I had the strongest urge to throw my hands up to the ceiling like the others.
What’s happening to me? I thought again. I eyed the door to the exit, ready to run out, but then Hannah sang again, her voice as clear as glass.
Again she sang about God rescuing the lost.
Is that what God had done? He’d rescued us? I certainly felt like I was in need of rescuing at that moment. I just wasn’t certain of a magical guy up in the sky who watched us all struggle and didn’t do anything to help.
If God was real, He’d let my mother die and I couldn’t reconcile that. But I also felt lost, broken, my innocence stolen, just like the song said.
“God, if You’re real…rescue me,” I said, and then I stumbled out into the aisle, wiping at my face and making for the double doors. I needed some air. I needed to get out of there. I’d just come to hear Hannah sing; I hadn’t known I’d have a mental breakdown.
I burst out into the hallway and ran smack into an older woman.
“I’m so sorry!” I caught her by the elbows.
She waved me off like it was no big deal, and when I saw her face, my stomach dropped.
“Mrs. Phillips?” I knew her from Hannah’s social media account.
She appraised me and I hoped it wasn’t obvious I’d just been crying.
“Are you Hannah’s Jack?” she asked.
Hannah’s Jack . I hated how much I loved the sound of that.
“I, uhh, I am.”
She must have seen a picture of me online as well.
“Are you leaving? It’s just started.” Her voice was so sweet, and Hannah had her eyes and nose.
I swallowed hard. “I am…I, uh…I’m tired, so I should head out.”
I was just after eight thirty. I was here for closure, and instead, I’d cried like a baby over a Jesus song. I was definitely calling Dr. Morgan the second I got home. Chloe would be thrilled that I actually wanted to go to therapy now.
“Oh, that’s too bad. Hannah would have liked to see you.”
I perked up at that. “She would?”
She gave me a no-nonsense look. “Jack, you changed her life. Buying her the restaurant, paying for the doctors to consult on my care. I…Thank you.” Her voice filled with emotion, and then she leaned forward and pulled me in for a hug.
This was why I did my good deeds and left. I didn’t linger for the thank-yous. But I had to admit that her hug reminded me of my mother’s hugs. Tight and soft at the same time. I missed those hugs.
“Oh, it was nothing, Mrs. Phillips,” I told her as she pulled back with tears in her eyes.
“No, you don’t ever say that. It was everything to us. And you can call me Claire.”
I just nodded. Maybe it was better this way, that I would say goodbye to Hannah through her mother.
“Hey, since I have to go, can you tell Hannah I said goodbye and congratulations?”
Her mother frowned, her brows bunching together. “Congratulations? Oh, on the house! I didn’t think you knew about that. Hannah said you two weren’t talking.”
Ouch. She’d told her mother that? Now I felt bad. So she and Luke had bought a house together? That was good. I hoped it was beautiful.
“Yeah, the house and the engagement.”
She reeled her head back. “The engagement? Jack, Hannah said no.”
It felt like the entire room spun in that moment. “What?”
Her lips turned down into a frown. “Last Christmas, when Luke proposed, Hannah said no.”
She’d said no.
Why would she say no?
My heart pounded like crazy against my sternum and the rush of adrenaline filled me up so fast my hands shook.
“Oh,” was all I could say.
She peered back at the coffee cart, where a few people were waiting. “Hey, if you’re tired, how about you help me run the coffee cart until the end of the concert? Free coffee for volunteers.”
I just now realized she was wearing an apron.
Stay and run a coffee cart with Hannah’s mom? I glanced at the double doors. There was no way I could go back in there, but I didn’t want to leave just yet. Especially not if Hannah said no to Luke. That meant she was available. It meant I might have a chance.
“That way, maybe you can talk to Hannah when she gets out.” She winked at me.
I relaxed into an easy smile. So her mother knew what I was doing. “Okay.”
Volunteer at a church coffee cart. Why not? Add it to my list of quirky philanthropy, as Chloe would say.
An hour later, Claire and I had the coffee cart running smoothly. I wrote down the drink orders on the cup and put in the syrups as she ran the espresso machine. It was actually kind of fun. A mindless repetitive task that reminded me of my Candy Smash game. I’d invented the whole thing to keep my mind out of dark, depressing places.
“So, Hannah tells me you used to come to Willow Harbor with your mom?” Claire asked as she poured some milk into the steaming cup.
“Yep. Every Christmas.” I tried to keep the conversation short around my mother.
“That’s lovely,” she commented and didn’t push.
Thirty more minutes later and we were flooded with orders as the concert ended just after ten. In the end, I was bagging bagels and donuts and writing cups like a seasoned barista.
When I looked up at the next customer, I was surprised to see it was Hannah.
“Jack?” Her voice was laced with shock.
I looked at Claire, and she took the Sharpie from me, winking.
“Thanks for your help, Jack. If you ever need a part-time gig, we could use you,” she said.
I chuckled. “Nice to finally meet you, ma’am. Merry Christmas.”
She leaned into me and whispered into my ear. “I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but tread carefully. Hannah’s not too happy you blocked her number.”
And just like that, it was like cold water had been doused through my veins.
I peered at Hannah again and was met with a look of wrath.
This was not going to be the welcome reunion I’d hoped for.