6. Bristol
“Come on, Rebekah. Mama just wants a few more minutes of sleep,” I groan into my room, praying she will go back to sleep.
Rebekah turned seven months old a few days ago, and all the baby books say she should sleep through the night soon. I’m praying that they’re right. Waking up three to four times a night for feeding, diaper changes, or just because she thinks I should be awake is for the birds, but I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world.
When her crying gets louder, I know there is no hope of me getting any more sleep. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and walk to the other side of the room, where her travel crib is. Yes, I know I should have her in her own room, but if I’m being honest with myself, I enjoy having her close.
“How’s Mama’s baby girl?” I coo at her.
She gives me a smile and giggles, and her hazel eyes—a pale green around the outer edges with a light brown center with flecks of gold—twinkle with mischief as she kicks her legs in glee. There’s a softness to them that mine don’t have. Something I can guarantee she got from her father.
“Let Mama grab you some clothes to wear, and I’ll be right back.”
I turn and head toward her closet, stuffed with clothes from her grandmother and aunts. I swear, this little girl is the best-dressed kid in this town. If she doesn’t have it, it’s because those five ladies haven’t discovered it yet.
As I comb through her closet for the perfect outfit, I think over the last seventeen months of my life.
As I open the door, Leia’s face pops around the corner.
“What are you blaming me for now?” she asks.
“Me getting pregnant,” I deadpan as I slam the bathroom door in her face.
“Last I checked, I don’t have a penis. So, I highly doubt it was my fault you got pregnant.” She shoves her way into the bathroom and freezes. “Wait. You’re what?”
I push past her as the timer on my phone goes off.
“You could’ve knocked. People close doors for a reason,” I quip before picking up the test and looking at the two pink lines in the little window.
“Well, that’s interesting,” she mumbles as she takes a seat on the toilet beside me.
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
“Is it Seth’s?” she asks, even though she already knows.
Seth is the only person I have been with in years. Ever since Austin and I broke up, I haven’t been interested in anyone.
I nod in response before taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub, burying my head in my hands.
“What am I going to do?” I question, already knowing the answer.
I’m going to have this baby.
“You should call him,” Leia whispers as she moves to sit beside me and wraps her arm around my shoulder, pulling me into her side. “I know this isn’t what you expected, but he should at least know he’s going to be a dad.”
“Are you kidding me?” I shriek as I stand and storm out the bathroom door. “He’s off fighting a war! The last thing he needs is to know the girl he had a one-night stand with is knocked up.”
My cell phone rings, but I don’t even pick it up to see who’s calling. I hit ignore before turning back to Leia.
“Who was it?”
“Does it matter? I have bigger things to worry about,” I grumble as I throw the phone onto my bed and flop down, pulling a pillow over my face.
Maybe if I just lie here long enough, I can pretend none of this is happening.
After that day, Leia dubbed herself Rebekah’s substitute dad. She was there for me through most of my pregnancy, but when her dad had another heart attack right after Audrey moved to Tyson’s Creek, she needed to be at home with him. Walker does what he can, but he can only be so much help all the way in Rose Hill.
Thankfully, Audrey and Selina have taken to being aunties just as easily as Leia. The three of them take turns helping me take care of Rebekah, checking in on the two of us, and spoiling Rebekah rotten. The four of us can’t get together as much as we used to, but we try to get together for a girls’ day every few months. Selina is four months pregnant with her and Vance’s first baby. Although they had a rocky start, I’ve never known two people more in love than them. Audrey and Connor have been together for months now, living together in Connor’s house with their two teenage daughters. Everything differs from what I had imagined, but it’s exactly how it should be at the same time. All my friends are happy and in love, except Leia, but that’s her own fault.
A pang of jealousy flashes through me, but I push it down. I’m beyond happy for my friends, but there is a part of me that wishes that kind of happiness was in the cards for me. Now that I have Rebekah, it has become even harder to find someone to call my own. But it also might have something to do with my inability to forget about the man who gave me Rebekah—her father, Seth.
“Time to get dressed, little one.” I plaster a smile on my face as I grab an outfit for her and place it on the bed.
“The girls will be here any minute,” I mutter before lifting her out of her crib and placing her on my bed, then get to work changing her diaper and getting her dressed. I dress her in a special outfit to commemorate my first girls’ day in months, so she’s wearing one of my favorite outfits: a maroon jumper with ruffles along the bottom and a short-sleeved bodysuit with matching-colored roses underneath. I top her outfit off with a maroon headband with an enormous bow on the side of her head. Her small red curls peek out the sides.
“You are the cutest little girl in the world,” I squeal as I lean to my right and grab my phone off the end table, snapping a quick photo.
“Where’s my baby?” Leia’s voice echoes through the house before she barges into my bedroom, still unable to respect closed doors.
Leia is about two inches taller than me, her blonde hair hanging in loose curls down her back over the pastel pink sweater that says Favorite Auntie scrolled in an elegant script across the front. She’s wearing the gray Lululemon yoga pants we bought the last time we had a girls’ day. Her wire-frame glasses are perched on the end of her nose, and thick black eyelashes frame her crystal blue eyes, which are shining with excitement.
“Knock much?” I question as I pick Rebekah up and hand her to Leia.
“If you wanted any of us to knock, you wouldn’t have given us keys,” Selina chimes in as she steals Rebekah right out of Leia’s arms.
Selina is wearing the same sweatshirt as Leia, but instead of pink it’s a lavender color—her favorite—stretched across the curve of her swollen belly. The sleeves are pushed to her elbows as her lightly tanned skin is accentuated by her chocolate brown hair, which is pulled back in a tight bun, the typical hairstyle for a ballerina even with it being at the nape of her neck. It’s in drastic contrast to how she usually wears her hair, hanging loosely down her back.
Since Selina returned from New York because of her injury, we’ve been thick as thieves. Leia told me that she left to become a famous ballerina, but now that she’s back, it’s like we’ve been friends forever. with the addition of Leia and Audrey rounding out our friend group.
“Hey!” Leia shouts as she plops onto the bed to pout.
If I didn’t know these two loved each other and my daughter to death, I would be afraid a fight would break out.
“I haven’t seen this little one in almost a week. Damn morning sickness.”
All three of us laugh as I grab a shirt, a pair of underwear, and yoga pants to change into before heading toward the bathroom.
“Hurry and get dressed. I need coffee,” I hear Audrey grumble as she blows a piece of her unruly curly hair out of her face. She is also wearing a Favorite Auntie sweatshirt in green. I know her favorite color has been teal blue for most of her life, but it’s changed to green recently. I have a very sneaking suspicion I know why.
All my friends have been incredible since Rebekah was born, and I’d be lost without them, but there is still one more person I need to tell about my little girl: her father.
“I’m going, I’m going.” I shut the bathroom door and change.
I glimpse my reflection in the mirror. My red hair is dingy and slightly greasy, since I threw it on the top of my head in a messy bun after I took a quick shower in the middle of the night because Rebekah spit up all over me.
“I look like shit,” I say loud enough for my friends to hear.
“No, you look like a single mother who’s trying to do everything on her own!” Audrey shouts through the door.
I sigh. I wish I could let them help me more, but they all have other responsibilities. Audrey just moved in with Connor and is trying to get their combined families situated. Selina just got married to the man of her dreams and is now pregnant, and Leia is working on making sure her family business doesn’t fail. I can’t put any more on them than I already do.
Leia and Audrey both know about who Rebekah’s father is, but I haven’t told anyone else. I’m not ashamed of my daughter by any means, but it feels wrong to let people know who her father is before telling him myself. I know it’s silly, especially since I have no idea when I’m going to see him again. I’m sure I could get his cell phone number or email address from Brady or his parents, but telling someone they have a daughter is something that should be done in person. It also requires a lot of explaining on my part, explaining that I’m not entirely sure how to do.
Someone knocks softly on the door and eases it open.
“Wash your face, pull down your hair, and put on some makeup. You’re beautiful.” Audrey flashes me a smile as she steps into the bathroom. “Oh, and your phone rang, but we let it go to voice mail.”
I give her a tight smile in the mirror and sigh. If anyone understands what I’m going through, it’s Audrey. Having had Love at eighteen and having hippies for parents, she has had to figure out this mom thing all on her own.
“You’ve got this, Mama,” she whispers as she wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes. “Now, get a move on. I need coffee, stat. I barely got any sleep last night.”
“Not my fault you and Connor can’t keep your hands off each other.”
We both giggle as I quickly undress and put on clean clothes. Most people are too embarrassed to change in front of others, but since I exposed myself to a room of strangers while giving birth to my daughter, all sense of modesty has gone out the window. Audrey and I work together to get my hair to behave, and I throw on some tinted moisturizer, mascara, and lip gloss and call it good before striding out of the bathroom.
“Hey, Bristol,” Emersyn says as she bounces Rebekah on her lap.
She must have come while Audrey and I were having our heart-to-heart. When she isn’t working, Emersyn is my go-to babysitter. She’s in her early twenties, and I’ve known her almost her whole life, having gone to high school with her older brother, Beckett.
She also works for Selina at the dance studio as a receptionist as well as teaching some classes. It makes it extremely easy for me to work at the yoga studio and ensure Rebekah is close to me. Have I mentioned I have separation issues?
“Thanks for agreeing to watch her for me. I really need a day out,” I retort with a smile.
“How are you feeling today, Emersyn?” Selina asks, a sly smile spreading across her face, which causes Audrey to laugh loudly.
Emersyn eyes them both skeptically as she answers. “I’m fine.”
“We heard from a little birdy that you may have had a little run-in at Crawdaddy’s last night with a certain someone?”
“Oh, really?” I take a seat next to Emersyn. “Do you have something to tell us, missy?”
“No.” Emersyn’s cheeks are pink as she stands. “I think this little one may be hungry. Is there a bottle in the fridge?”
I nod, and she scurries out of the bedroom.
“What’s gotten into her?” Leia questions from beside Selina on the bed.
“I have a feeling Selina and Audrey might know something,” I reply, narrowing my eyes at them. “Now spill.”
“Our lips are sealed,” Selina responds as she mimes, locking her lips and throwing away the key.
“For now. Let’s get out of here before I change my mind.” I grab my phone and check the missed call. “Hmm…”
Why do I keep getting calls from the same unknown number? It’s been happening for almost a year, sporadically, but the person never leaves a voicemail. I try not to think too much about it, but I can’t help wondering who it is.
“Anyone special?” Leia asks as she pushes off the bed to stand.
“No, just a wrong number,” I reply as I head out of the room, my friends following closely behind me.
“Brady was at Crawdaddy’s last night with a bunch of guys from the construction company. It seems he was paying a little too much attention to her,” Audrey says, and I freeze.
“Oh, yeah. I ran into him and his hot-ass friend last night at Crawdaddy’s,” Emersyn chimes in from the kitchen as she pulls a bottle out of the warmer and gives it to Rebekah, who’s cradled snuggly into her arms.
“Huh,” Leia replies, her eyebrows pulled down as if she’s deep in thought.
“That must have made your heart flutter,” Selina threads her arm through Audrey’s. “I’ve heard her talking to the girls about Brady coming home. I have a feeling there is something more than friendship between you two.”
“Much like a relationship between two other people we know and love.” Audrey jokes as Leia grabs a pillow off my bed and throws it at her, missing her entirely.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Leia mumbles, her cheeks turning a light share of pink.
“Brady was a complete jerk, but I wouldn’t mind climbing his friend like a tree,” Emersyn replies, turning her attention to Rebekah.
My eyes widen in shock as I try to process who could be in town that Emersyn doesn’t know by name. I haven’t had any contact with Seth since we parted ways the morning before he left for deployment, but now that Brady is home, it’s only a matter of time before I run into him. I’m going to have a lot of explaining to do if he sees me with Rebekah. It won’t take a rocket scientist to connect the dots and figure out who her father is.
“Did you catch his friend’s name?” Audrey prods as she wraps her arm around my waist, giving me a squeeze in support, and Leia flanks my other side. Seems like my friends have come to the same conclusion as I have.
“His name was Seth,” Emersyn replies, not paying any attention to any of us.
My knees give out slightly, but thankfully, Leia and Audrey were there to support my weight.
“That’s great,” Selina says, louder than necessary, as she releases Audrey’s arm and walks toward Emersyn. “We better get going before we miss our appointments.”
She heads for the door, holding it open as my other two friends practically drag me outside. My mind is a swirl of conflicting emotions as I try to process that my daughter’s father, a man I vowed to never see again, is in Tyson’s Creek, of all places. What’s going to happen now? Will he try to take Rebekah from me? What am I even going to say to him?
My body tingles at just the mention of his name. Memories of the night we spent together fill my mind, and my core clenches with need. Seth was the last man I’ve been with, ruining me for all others. Even if I had wanted to be with another man after Rebekah was born, I couldn’t. I’ve compared every man I’ve met since then to him. The one man I wanted but knew I couldn’t have. But with him being back in town, maybe things have changed. Maybe he still feels that magnetic pull toward me and has come back to Tyson’s Creek, hoping to start over again with me.
“Yeah, right,” I mumble, knowing there isn’t a chance in hell a man like him gave me a second thought after we slept together.
“Are you all right?” Selina asks as my mind snaps back to the present.
I look around and notice we’re in Selina’s car and heading toward the center of town, probably to grab a coffee before our pedicure appointments. I was so out of it I didn’t even notice my friends dumping me into the car and leaving my house.
“I didn’t say goodbye,” I reply as tears trickle down my cheeks. I know it’s not a big deal that I didn’t kiss Rebekah goodbye, but I’m still trying to process that Seth is back in town, and that, on top of my separation anxiety, is just too much.
“Are we going to talk about this?” Leia glances at me in the rearview mirror.
“Talk about what? I’m excited to be having a girls’ day with all of you.” I try to feign excitement, but my friends see through my shield easily.
“More like avoiding the subject.” Audrey pulls me to her side, and I rest my head on her shoulder. “I get not wanting to talk about it, but you need to deal with this eventually.”
“What are you talking about?” Selina asks. “Although I have a feeling I know the answer already.”
Shame fills my heart as I look at Selina in the rearview mirror. She’s the only one in the car who doesn’t know about Seth being Rebekah’s father. I didn’t do it on purpose, but we weren’t as close when she lived in New York, and then she was so worried about what would happen between her and Vance that I pushed it to the back burner.
“I’m sorry, Selina.” I sniffle, tears filling my eyes.
“There’s no need to apologize, Bristol. I’m just a little hurt that I was the only one who didn’t know. I get it, I do, but that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.”
I reach between the seats and place my hand on her shoulder. “I need to apologize. I didn’t keep it from you for so long on purpose. It’s just…” My voice trails off, trying to find the right way to explain, but she answers for me.
“Life.”
“Yeah, life.” I sigh, leaning back in my seat, my eyes meeting Selina’s stare in the rearview mirror before flicking them toward Leia as she turns around in her seat.
“What am I going to do? I can’t let him take Rebekah from me.”
I know in my heart that it was unfair not to let Seth know he was a father. While he was deployed, I could hide behind the fact that I didn’t know where he was or how to get a hold of him, but now my excuse is invalid. I know nothing about Seth other than that he is a United States Marine and the last man I should want to be in a relationship with, but that doesn’t seem to change the fact that just the mention of his name feels as if all the air in the room has been sucked out. My chest tightens, my heart yearning to be close to him once again. But that doesn’t change the fact that we have a tiny human together.
“You’re going to put on your big girl panties and tell that man he is a father. I know it won’t be easy, but it needs to be done.” Selina gives me a stern look in the mirror. “To be honest, you should have done it months ago.”
Ouch. Nothing like a healthy dose of reality from your best friend.
“Seli, I haven’t spoken to him since he left!” I pull out of Audrey’s embrace. “It’s not like I can just walk up to him holding Rebekah and say, ‘Hey, Seth. This is your daughter.’ Life doesn’t work like that.” I cross my arms over my chest and turn my attention out the window.
“I understand it’s not that easy, but you need to tell him before someone else does. How long do you think it’ll be before he comes looking for you?” Selina lowers her voice slightly. “I’m sorry, Bri. I know my mouth can get ahead of me sometimes.”
I give her a tight smile and nod my head. I know she means well, but it still hurts. I know I should have done a lot of things differently, but I didn’t, and no number of words can change that.
“I doubt I made that big of an impression,” I mumble, hoping that he only feels a tenth of the pull I do toward him.
“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Leia screeches as Selina pulls into a parking space in front of our favorite coffee shop and shuts off the car. “Did you forget we all watched the two of you dance around each other for months before you finally got together?” She spins around in her seat, focusing all her attention on me.
I shake my head, hoping she will change the subject. I don’t want to think about the way his eyes scanned me from head to toe as if he was ready to devour me, body and soul, or how his voice would send a shiver of pleasure through me when all he said was my name.
Nope, no thinking about it. It will only get my hopes up. There is no way that things will be the same after not seeing each other for over a year. Not to mention, I don’t look like that girl anymore.
“We were all placing bets on when it was going to happen,” Leia mumbles. “To be honest, we were all surprised you guys weren’t an item.”
“We would have been if he wasn’t leaving,” I respond, dropping another bombshell on my friends.
How I wish that thing between Seth and I had turned out differently, but I refuse to subject my little girl to the same heartache I went through with my father. Now, if I could just get my heart on board, this would be a hell of a lot easier.
“Well, you don’t need to decide today.” Audrey gives my hand a squeeze and opens her car door. “And you promised me coffee for being awake at this ungodly hour. Let’s get a move on.”
We all giggle in response as we open our doors and climb out.
“No more worrying. Everything will turn out just fine.” Leia throws her arm over my shoulder as we walk toward the entrance.
I take two steps before I freeze, my eyes widening in surprise. I was hoping to have more time before I ran into the root of all my problems. More time to come up with a plan on how to deal with all the warring emotions running through me. But fate had other plans.
“Seth.”